Page 124 of Not How I Saw That Going

I walk to the back room as Lisa goes off in search of Crew. She’s only been in our lives for a little over a week, but in that time, I’ve been able to meet the remainder of my dad’s family in Phoenix—aunts, uncles, and cousins. I’m sure in no time, Crew will be calling Chief Barns and Lisa Grandpa and Grandma. Titles they’ve rightfully earned with all the love—and gifts—they’ve spoiled him with.

All of the sudden, Crew and I have a place to belong. It feels wonderful.

Not everyone gave up on me.

There’s only one thing missing. One person really. The person I think about every day. The one I’ve fallen in love with. The one I pushed away because of my own insecurities.

No matter how hard I try to get rid of them, my mother’s words are still there in the back of my brain, reminding me that I’ll always be a disappointment.

There’s a knock on the door and I look up, expecting to see Lisa.

“Ms. Preston.” I shoot to my feet, but my arm is stuck under the sewing machine. I fall back down.

Look at that, I managed to sew two pieces of fabric together and one of them is my jacket sleeve.

That’s what happens when I think about Ward while operating dangerous machinery.Good thing I’m not running a table saw.

“Oh dear, sorry to startle you.” Claire frowns.

“No,” I awkwardly reposition my arm under the sewing machine like it’s meant to be there. “It’s fine.”

She nods and looks around the room. “Lyndi,” she starts.

I barely stop my mouth from falling open. She didn’t call me Linda.

“You’re probably wondering why I’m here,” she continues.

Is it that obvious? “Um, a little?”

She waves a well-manicured hand. “I just needed to say something to you.”

My back straightens, as much as it can, and I wait for it, the blow I know is coming. All the ways I’ll never be good enough for their family, for Ward.

“Ward and I aren’t together anymore,” I blurt. Might as well get it out there now.

I expect her to look pleased, but she only frowns. “I know. And I’m sorry.”

Her apology hits me with the force of a freight train.

“Huh?”

She twists the diamond bracelet on her wrist, then one of the buttons on her blazer. “I know what people think of me. What they’ve always thought of me. That I was just a rich girl without real feelings, and sometimes I think I believe them. I haven’t been a perfect mother. I can admit that. But if there is one thing I’m passionate about, it’s my kids.”

She pauses and I tug on my jacket sleeve, then try to pull my hand out. It doesn’t budge.

“I was terrified when Ward went off to the war, scared I was going to lose him forever. That’s the last place a mother ever wants her child.” Her shoulders fall, losing some of the strength she wears so well. “But I couldn’t stop him, no matter how much I tried. The more I pushed, the more he hated me for it. Every time he came back home, there was a new hollowness in his eyes. Every time we sent him off, I feared it was for the last time.”

My heart melts for this woman. We have our differences, but at the end of the day, she is a mother. I know what it’s like to worry about my child day in and day out, praying I won’t screw up while knowing I already have.

“The last time was the worst. He refused to open up and talk to anyone about what happened. But we knew enough. Or at least, assumed the worst.”

I want to hug this woman, but I’m still stuck to the dang sewing machine. I bet Lisa has never found herself inthissituation. I remove my other arm from my jacket, but my cast is too big to slip out of the opening.

She lets out a heavy sigh and leans against the door frame. “I thought I could fix him. I’m his mom; I should be able to. So I tried to control everything, give him all the things he needed for a perfect life. It wasn’t until you came around that I noticed the life returning to his eyes. You changed him. And it took me much too long to realize it.”

The back of my eyes sting and I rub my nose with my free hand. “He’s changed me more.”

“I’m so sorry about everything that happened at the gala and in my own home. I want you to know that I do accept you. You are good for him.” Claire pauses and sniffs.