Page 53

“Hey, Kat. It’s me!” Vicki calls out, even though I can see her.
“Hi,” I mumble, my lips turning down in a frown. It’s not that I don’t love my best friend, it’s the circumstances that she visits me under.
“Okay, so, what have we eaten today?” Vicki gets right to the point. She makes her way over to the fridge. Vicki meal prepped my meals for me since I wasn’t eating or cooking for myself, so she looks to see if I’ve touched any of the containers. “Well, I see we’ve only eaten a couple this week. You’re not eating enough, Kat.” Vicki yells from the kitchen.
“I don’t care. I’m not hungry.” I bite back, scowling.
“Kat, you can’t starve yourself.” She sits on the couch next to me. “Take care of yourself or you’ll end up back in the hospital. You’ve already lost so much weight, and you were already thin.”
I give her a sidelong glance. “I don’t care. Just leave me alone. I just want to be alone.” My eyes sting with tears.
“Are you at least working?” Vicki gives me a fearful look. Fear that I’m falling apart faster than anyone can put me back together. That I’m spiraling out of control. And she’s right.
I sigh. “No.”
“When was the last time you showered?” Vicki wrinkles her nose. “I can smell you in Henderson.”
Ignoring her comment, I go back to staring blankly at the wall. The days and nights have become one long nightmare. I don’t bother answering her; she won’t like my answer anyhow. She gets up and goes to the bathroom, then I hear the shower turn on. Great. She’s going to force me.
“Let’s go, stinky. And you got two choices. You can either go freely, or I’ll drag you and throw you in. Normally, I wouldn’t stand a chance, but your skinny ass is weak. So, guess who would win this one?” She crosses her arms and moves to stand in front of me.
I let out a long sigh and let my head fall. Nodding, I stand up and slip into the bathroom. I get in and let the scalding water fall over me. For a few minutes, the shower feels great. The water washes over me, erasing the pain. But then, I close my eyes. It’s then that my world crashes down. The pain caves into me. I see him. I see those eyes. Those beautiful blue eyes. I can hear his laugh, feel his touch, see his smile. That’s why I don’t sleep. The dark delivers him to me.
I feel my eyes flood with tears. I do what I can to hold them back, to be stronger than the memories, but I lose that battle. The tears fall. They mix with the water from the shower. My heart can’t take the pain. No matter how many times I tell myself to forget and move on, I just can’t get my heart on board.
There can never be an ‘us’ anymore. He has Emma. Bryce doesn’t need me. My heart doesn’t care. My heart is broken, but my heart still loves him. Time. Is time the answer? Will time heal me? I guess that’s all I have now. Only time will tell.
I lazily wash my hair. Just enough to get some crap out and for it to look clean. As I wash myself, I remember his touches. How his lips would gently graze my skin, the warmness in his breath. How Bryce would lie next to me in bed and absentmindedly run his fingers along my skin. God, I miss his touch. I miss him.
Stepping under the water, I rinse. Placing my hands on the wall, I drop my head. My shoulders shake and my lips quiver. The water’s getting cold, so I get out of the shower and don’t even bother wrapping a towel around me. Walking wet into the bedroom, I throw on a t-shirt, underwear, and a pair of pajama pants. Of course, this is all soaked now, since I didn’t dry off. I just don’t care. I have zero fucks to give.
As I finish getting dressed, I hear Vicki talking to someone on her phone in the kitchen.
“She isn’t doing well. She’s despondent, and there are black circles under her eyes. Kat’s not even eating.” She pauses, probably listening to whoever is on the other end of the call. “She won’t work either.” Vicki listens again. “Yeah, I know. She’s drinking, so we don’t have to worry about dehydration, but she refuses to eat. Kat’s going to starve herself at this point. I just don’t know what else to do. I want to slap her till she wakes up and snaps out of it.”
I saunter out into the living room, shooting Vicki a look. I scrunch my face and clench my jaw. Yeah, I know you’re talking about me, bitch.
“I gotta go, she is out of the shower. Yup. Talk to you later.” Vicki ends the call.
“Who was that? Your boyfriend, Austin?” I snap at her. I didn’t like that she was talking about me behind my back.
She narrows her eyes. “Yes, and don’t talk to me like that. He’s worried about you too.”
“Oh, wonderful! He can go tell his cop buddy about how destroyed I am. Everyone can have a good laugh at my expense. Everyone always does! Thanks for sleeping with the enemy, Vic. You can go now.” I’m furious. The last thing I need is Austin letting Bryce know how miserable I am.
“Kat, you know that’s not at all what’s happening. Austin’s a concerned friend. That’s all.”
“That’s not all. He’s with Bryce. I’m sure he gives him updates so they can both have a jolly good time laughing at my pain and heartache. My inability to see what was right in front of me, the joke.” My head’s pounding. It feels like a battering ram is hitting my skull. I squeeze my eyes shut and try to will the pain away. “Just go away, Vicki. I just want to be alone.” I wave her off and throw myself on my couch.
“You know what the best way to deal with all this is, Kat? Get up and live your life. Don’t let this man control how you feel anymore. Don’t let this man make you feel like less of a person. No one should be able to make you feel any sort of way unless you let them. You need to get control of the situation and keep moving forward. This isn’t you.” She points to me sitting on the couch. “Get it together. And yes, this is tough love. So, get off your ass and get it together.”
With that, she picks up her stuff and leaves. Fine by me. Less interaction with people, the better. I don’t need people riding my ass. I was the one who got hurt. Bryce hurt me; he broke me. The only one who gets to say when they’re ready to move on is me. I’ll do it on my time, no one else’s. But can I even move on? Even if I can’t, at least it’s my decision.
As I lay on the couch, her words turn in my head. She has a point; I need to be stronger. How, though? He took my heart and stomped it to dust. He absolutely broke my heart. I don’t know if I have it in me to be stronger. I just want to be alone. Though, without Bryce, I feel more alone than ever.
Chapter 23
Bryce