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“That would be the High Roller. You can see all of Vegas from that. You want to go on it?” I look over at him curiously. It’s been something I’ve always wanted to try and get on. But being in that small of a space with other people has always keeps me from getting on.
“Maybe later, yeah.” He nods, chuckling. “Have you ever been?”
“Nope. Never had a reason and never really wanted to.” Shaking my head, I look up at Bryce. He hooks an arm over me. Smiling slightly, I lean into him, and we walk into the crowd.
We walk for a while until we get to Harrah’s. It is a little chilly, and there really aren’t that many people out, which is great for me. Those that are out walk around in groups laughing, enjoying the thrills the Vegas has to offer: lights, music, even the possibility of winning millions. The casino floor has gamblers and people walking through to their next destination. Bryce and I walk past a bride and groom taking pictures near a slot machine. Bryce pulls me closer as we walk through the crowds.
We head over to Carnival Court and find a table to sit at. Austin and Vicki head over to the bar to get us some drinks while Bryce and I hang back.
“You doing okay?” Bryce eyes me up and down, biting his lip.
“Yep. The alcohol I had at the apartment helped a bit. Plus, I have you here.” I can’t believe I just said that. I try to keep my face emotionless and stare over at the bar instead of him. I focus on the line of people ordering their drinks and those dancing around to the music. Modern Fingers is on stage playing covers that span from the nineties to now. People are singing along with the band and shouting the lyrics.
Bryce leans in and puts his mouth against my ear. “Always. You always will, Kat.” Every cell in my body is vibrating in response to his touch and words. I close my eyes and take a couple of deep breaths.
“T-thanks.” I turn back to him and give him a faint smile.
Austin and Vicki soon return with some shots and our drinks. Beer for Austin, a Bloody Mary for me, and a Long Island for Vicki. Everyone but Bryce toasts with a shot. Bryce holds up his water and winks at me.
“To friends,” Vicki says.
“To friends!” We all repeat and knock back our shots. I can feel the warmth from it immediately. I huddle next to Bryce to get some more warmth. Without hesitation, he wraps his arm around me and pulls me closer.
With other guys I’ve been with, I’ve never had this feeling like I do with Bryce. He feels safe to me. He feels comfortable. Being with him just feels right.
I feel like I gravitate towards him without even thinking about it. It’s crazy to think about since we haven’t known each other that long. It could be the alcohol making me feel more at ease with Bryce, but I don’t truly think that’s what it is. I think it’s just him.
After a few drinks, Austin and Vicki take off to go dance to Modern Fingers. She rarely gets to do that when I’m with her. Vicki likes to take me out, but she gets protective because of my past. She usually sticks by me, never leaving my side when we go out. I look around and see shots glasses being held high as people toast and clink their drinks. People around Bryce and I are having fun, laughing and singing.
“Hey, do you want to take a walk? Maybe burn off those shots?” Bryce tips his head towards me, a smile playing on his lips at whatever my expression must look like after all those shots.
“Sure!” Wow. Way too excited there, Kat. Bring it back some. “Sure,” I nod and sound a little more in control of my vocal cords. Bryce chuckles, nodding towards the never-ending crowd.
We get up and walk out around the promenade. He keeps his arm locked in mine, and I can feel his eyes on me, constantly. It’s almost like Bryce is trying to look into my soul. The longer he stares, the more he sees.
“You doing okay?” he asks for the hundredth time.
“Yup. Still as good as the last time. Like I said, when I drink, my worries about what others think goes away. I don’t care if people stare or make me feel small.” I close my mouth tight when I realize what I just said.
“Is that what brings on the anxiety and panic attacks?” He pulls me over to a bench to sit.
With my eyes closed, I sigh. Maybe I should just rip the band-aid off before I get in too deep with him.
“For most of my childhood and up until my teenage years, kids picked on me and bullied me relentlessly. People I thought I could trust, people that were my friends; they turned on me. Talked about me behind my back, said mean things, did mean things to me.” I shake my head, wincing at the memories flashing through my mind.
Bryce says nothing; he just keeps listening.
“There was a party at this camp that my parents sent me to. It was one night where the kids had a giant sleepover. It was fun at first. We had some crafts to do, played some sports, it was a good time. My friends were there, along with some other kids we went to school with. Well, eventually, the counselors went to bed. Of course, you get kids in a room with no supervision and the games start. It started first with Truth or Dare. I had picked truth every time because the dares were, well, not nice or clean. One truth I told was that I’d never been kissed. So after a few rounds, people decided that we had to switch games and play spin the bottle.” I pause for a moment to collect my thoughts.
“I don’t like where I think this is going.” Bryce growls, but I continue.
“I didn’t really want to play, but my friends talked me into it. Well, after a while, I ended up kissing a couple guys on the lips and then some girls changed the rules to every spin was a make out in the nearby closet. Now, mind you, there were no counselors there when there should have been. To this day, I still don’t know why they left. As luck would have it, I was the first one up. I don’t even remember the guy’s name. We walked back to the closet, and we made out. I had no idea what I was doing, I slobbered all over the guy. It was completely embarrassing. I ended up breaking down in the closet because the guy said I kissed like a Doberman. I think I was twelve or something. Of course, I didn’t know how to make out with a guy; I’d never kissed one. So, I finally came out of the area we made out in, and everyone was laughing at me and saying horrible things. I ran back to the dorm areas and cried myself to sleep.” My eyes go glossy for a moment, and I look away, holding back a sniffle.
“Kat …” Bryce breathes, giving me a somber look. He reaches out to pull me close, and I welcome the gesture gladly.
“When I woke up the next morning, I went to the bathroom to get dressed so I could have the counselors call my parents to come get me. When I looked in the mirror …” I tear up. This was the point where I had lost trust in the human population. How can people just demean another person like they did? “‘Slut’ was written across my forehead in giant letters, pictures of dicks were on my cheeks, and just random scribbles everywhere else. They covered me from head to toe in marker.” I could no longer hold back the pain. Hot, salty tears spilled from my eyes and onto my cheeks.
People that I had trusted I had known, destroyed me that day. The worst part is that what happened followed me throughout school for the rest of my life there.