Page 44

Story: Neighbors

The second gift is a trip to go see his parents. He hasn’t seen them since the holidays, and I know he was worried about being near his ex, but he needs to go see them. His ex will always be his ex, but she doesn’t get to keep all of Florida in the breakup.
I turn on some Evanescence while I cook, moving gracefully around his kitchen and singing along. The iPad sits on the counter as I try to prep everything. Tonight needs to be perfect.
Over the last few weeks, I’ve decided I need to be honest with Bryce. I need to tell him how I feel. Even if he doesn’t feel the same right now, I need to get it off my chest because I can’t live with keeping it locked up inside me. Bryce needs to know that I have completely fallen in love with him.
It took everything in me not to let that slip after we made love for the first time. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I knew it wasn’t the right time, but tonight? Tonight will be perfect. What’s more perfect than telling someone you love them on a holiday celebrating love? Maybe that’s a little cliché. Okay, yeah, a lot cliché. But it’s what I want to do, so I’m going to be cheesy and cliché as fuck.
As I’m cutting up the vegetables, I hear a knock at the door. I stop what I’m cutting and wipe my hands off on a nearby kitchen towel. Walking to the door, I look through the peephole, finding a blonde woman standing there with a box.
I unlock the door and open it cautiously.
“Hi, can I help you?” I ask through the small opening I’ve allowed.
“Um, who the fuck are you? Why are you in Bryce’s apartment?” Her posture is stiff, and her body is visibly shaking. Her face is turning red by the second. She’s obviously beyond pissed.
“I’m sorry, I don’t understand the question. Who are you?” I step back a bit, opening the door wider. This, of course, ends up being a mistake. She seizes the opportunity and pushes her way in.
“Not sure who the fuck you are, but I’m his girlfriend, Emma. Why isn’t Bryce here? He knew I was coming. I’m moving in this weekend.” Emma huffs, glaring at me.
“I’m sorry? You’re moving in with Bryce? Bryce Hawthorne?” My stomach rolls, and I can feel the nausea climbing up my throat. I taste bile and a whole load of other awful things. Namely fear and self-hatred.
“Yes. That’s what I said. Are you deaf? I spent the last few months trying to sell our home and packing up everything to move out here. With my boyfriend, Bryce fucking Hawthorne. So, I ask again, who the fuck are you?” She slams the box down, her nostrils flaring. I notice some men’s clothing and items in the box. The outside is labeled with his name and the word “apartment.”
“Uh … I … I … Kat—” My words never come. In an instant, my panic is back. I can feel my throat getting smaller. Sweat drips down my neck. My breathing hitches, and my chest grows tighter.
“Spit it out, slut! Why the fuck are you here? Have you been fucking sleeping with him? What the fuck?” Emma throws her hands in the air out of frustration. “I knew I should have moved out here sooner. How could I not see this was going to happen? I came here to surprise him, on Valentine’s Day of all days, and he is fucking sleeping around with a whore like you. Fucking great!” She slams her palm on the table next to her. Emma’s breaths come out rapidly. She closes her eyes, trying to gather herself.
That brief reprieve allows me to do the only thing I can do right now. Grabbing my keys and purse, I run. Right out of the apartment, out to my car, and out of Bryce’s life. I clutch my chest once I sit in the driver’s seat and slam the door. I allow myself to cry for a minute, then realize I need to leave before Bryce gets home. There is no part of me that wants to even look at him. He deceived me like they all did in the past. None of it was real.
Pulling out of my parking space, I drive. I don’t have a destination, but like everything in my life, I float place to place. Never truly belonging. Never important to anyone. How long was he going to keep her a secret for? He lived right above me; I would eventually find out.
Before I realize it, I’m turning into the airport to watch the planes take off. I need something to distract me, and I need a place I can think and not worry about Bryce finding me. I should call Vic and let her know, but I just don’t need to deal with the ramifications of that right now. Just for a moment, I need to think in my space.
I look at the clock and see it’s past seven. We’d be eating dinner right now. Right now, I’d be celebrating my first Valentine’s Day. I guess it’s not in my cards. I can never celebrate it. At least my streak goes unbroken.
How? How did I not know or see the signs? Were there signs? Maybe he never had an ex? Maybe he was just killing time with me until she got here? I guess she came early, and he didn’t know. Maybe he saw me as gullible and easily manipulated; I was something to pass the time.
As I lie back in my seat, the tears come. I love him. I was ready to confess. To tell him how I fell for him. This entire time he taught me how to take my life back from my fears. He supported me, protected me. There was so much I told him about me, so much I trusted with, and all this time he was lying to me. I told him my fears, my past; I gave him a part of me. What the actual fuck?
My breathing grows shallow. I feel like I’m hyperventilating. Squeezing my eyes shut and clenching my fists, I realize I’m having a panic attack. I recite lyrics to one of my favorite songs. Focusing on the words, focusing on nothing but the lyrics, in the hopes of bringing myself back.
After a few minutes, my heart slows down, and I can think clearer. The tears come, the feeling of loss comes, the realization that I’m alone again comes.
I take my phone and shut it off. By now, he would’ve seen that I wasn’t at his apartment, which leads me to believe he doesn’t care for me. Not as I do him. She’s his endgame, not me. I was a placeholder until his girlfriend was ready to move here. Emma just got here sooner than he expected.
Watching the planes take off, I envy those who can enjoy their life. I’m jealous of those who can love and are loved. Finally, I thought I was getting a chance at a normal life, a normal relationship. Lies. Everything had been a lie.
None of this makes sense. Not a single thing makes sense. But I can’t stand to even face the one person who can clear this up. I can’t even trust what he has to say. Not to mention that it’s well past seven, and he still hasn’t called or texted me. He doesn’t care about me, and it’s entirely possible he never did. Again, I’m the joke, the fool, the outcast.
I pull out of the lot and head somewhere that I can just sleep. There’s no way I can go back to my place, and I’m not ready to deal with my parents or Vicki and all their questions. I find a Walmart parking lot and park my car. It’s not ideal, but I just want to be alone, and this will allow me to work out this nightmare.
Thankfully, my windows have tinted glass, so no one can see inside. I throw up my sunshade to give me complete privacy. I next turn off my car, get in the back seat, and pull down the middle seat to get access to my trunk. Reaching in the opening, I pull out the blanket I keep in there for emergencies and a few bottles of water.
I hop back into the front seat, lean it all the way back, and wrap myself up in the blanket. I watch the people coming and going from the store through my window. It’s a mindless activity that takes my mind to a different place.
Then, I see a couple laughing and holding hands. Closing my eyes, I can remember his touch, his laugh, even his kisses. It felt so real, like I had all of him, including his heart. But so does the betrayal. That is very real. Knowing there is someone else.
I close my eyes and remember the last time that happened. The last time I let my guard down and someone fooled me into believing I was someone special.