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“I love you, Kat. I’m head over heels, crazy in love with you.” I take a deep breath. “I know telling you that while you’re sleeping isn’t ideal. Kat, I know there are things that hold you back from letting someone love you, but I’ll do whatever I need to in order to win your heart. I will spend the rest of my life showing you how much I love you. There will not be a day you don’t feel it. The day I get to say it? The day I tell you to your face I love you? From that day on, there will never be a day you doubt my love for you.”
Chapter 12
Katrina
Christmas time ismy favorite time of year. I love the music, the family get-togethers, the gift giving, and the Hallmark movies. Yes, always the Hallmark movies.
Bryce groans when he comes over because I won’t let him change the channel. I make him sit and watch the movies with me anyway. He puts up a bit of a fight, but he eventually caves. We end up lying on the couch together, watching all the Hallmark movies my heart desires.
After his close call a couple of weeks ago, he’s been spending the night here at my place more. I honestly don’t mind. We sleep in the same bed, but in a strictly platonic way. We cuddle and spoon, but that’s it. I don’t even hold his morning wood against him. He’s a guy; they can’t help it. I can’t say I even mind. It gets me a little worked up when I feel it pressed against me. Also, I can tell he’s quite large. Bryce basically is packing a weapon down there.
I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t admit that it’s hard to keep my feelings to myself. Knowing how I feel about him and trying to keep it on the down low it makes me feel like I’m two different people. I have to put my “I’m not falling for you face” on whenever he’s here, but when he leaves, my heart squeezes in pain the minute he walks out the door. The only saving grace is that I know he’ll end up sleeping next to me at night.
It scares me how comfortable I am around him too.
No matter how much I try to fight it, I need to be around him. I can’t risk losing the friendship we have. There’s no way I can lose the safe feeling I have when I’m around him. What if I tell him and he doesn’t see me like that? I’d lose him. I just can’t take that chance. Though I live in Vegas, I don’t like to gamble. Playing it safe and keeping things simple is the best way to go.
The other issue is if he finds a different girl he wants to date. I know that eventually I’ll lose him to her. The thought crushes me. I’m damned if I do, and damned if I don’t.
Bryce has been on light duty since his recovery. Which I’m kind of okay with. At least my nerves are, that is. His scheduling is a little different due to that change, so it’s been nice to have him around more. Downside to that is it’s been harder to coordinate his Christmas present. He keeps trying to intercept every single Amazon package of mine, hoping what’s inside is for him. His gift is actually very difficult to fit in an Amazon box. I don’t even think they make one that big.
Since there’s only a week until Christmas and Bryce has this weekend off, we plan on finishing our Christmas shopping today. Normally, I do a lot of online ordering, but Bryce wants us to go head to the mall. I avoid places like that, of course, but I know I’ll be with Bryce, and I’m a lot better when I’m in public with him. He knows my tells, and he can see when I panic or am getting anxious. Bryce knows how to help me come down from my attacks.
I won’t even go into public places with my family. There’s really no logical explanation why I can with Bryce. Nevertheless, I will not look a gift horse in the mouth.
For a while, I had a hard time trusting that he was friendly with me because he wanted to be. He’s proven without a doubt that he truly is my friend. And I trust him wholeheartedly. He’s done nothing to hurt or upset me on purpose. He is always looking out for my best interests, too.
Bryce’s friendship has made a tremendous difference in my episodes. I’ve had less of them, even at home. I sleep better at night, and my nightmares have all but disappeared. Truly, I owe it all to Bryce.
Bryce and I have spend a couple hours watching Christmas movies this morning. He decided to jump in the shower before we left and left me curled up in bed. I shift to his side of the bed and lay on his pillow, surrounding myself with his scent. I hear the shower shut off and he walks into my bedroom dripping wet. Bryce walks into the room in his boxers, like he owns the place.
My eyes go wide at the sight of him. I’ve seen him without a shirt, sure, but the freshly showered Bryce? Holy fuck. My body feels like it’s about to combust. I can feel my nipples harden against my bra. A wetness starts to pool between my thighs. My mouth is dry, and I don’t think I’ve taken a breath since he walked out. I am completely lusting after Bryce. I take a deep breath, shake my head, and try to regain my composure.
“You okay there, Kitty Kat?” He gives me a smirk like he knows I reacted to his nakedness. Asshole.
“Yup, fine. Get dressed, would you? We don’t have all day.” I push off the bed and walk into the living room. My body feels hot all over. I know my cheeks are burning; I can feel it. Steading my breaths, I grab my phone from the table and get my purse.
Soon after, I hear him call out, “Okay, let’s go.” Bryce comes around the corner from my bedroom, finally wearing something decent. Most people would think it’s weird that he and I share a bed, but we both need each other. We balance each other. Well, I’m balanced until I see him without clothes.
We drive to the mall and park towards the back. The mall’s packed. Of course it is. It’s the week before Christmas. I shoot Bryce a look. He knows I’m not happy with being here.
“Did you really need to come here to shop? Can’t we just order stuff from Amazon?” I bite the nail on my thumb.
“Hey, look at me.” he orders, and I turn my head towards him. “You’re going to be fine. I’ll be with you the entire time. You can do this.” He reaches over and holds my hand. He circles his thumb over my skin, causing what feels like little shocks of electricity filling my veins. Then, Bryce pulls my hand up to his cheek and I feel a jolt of energy go through my entire body. I quickly pull my hand away.
“Okay, let’s go.” I say, narrowing my eyes at him. He lets out a laugh and we both get out of the truck.
We walk into the mall, and I immediately stop. My throat gets tight, and there is a heaviness in my chest. I close my eyes but before I can open them, Bryce has me wrapped up in a hug and is whispering in my ear.
“Hey, it’s going to be all right. It’s just you and me. We can turn around, but there’s one thing I really wanted to do here with you. I made an appointment, so we don’t have to wait. We can go do that first.” He pulls back a bit and looks down.
“What is it?” I say, trying to keep my breathing steady.
“You’re curious, aren’t you?” Bryce chuckles.
“Yes.” I say, keeping my face expressionless. I’m not amused with his games, but I let him get away with it anyway.
“Okay, then. Let’s go,” He guides me with a hand on my back. I try to block out the noise around me and listen to the Christmas music that is playing in the mall. Before long, we reach our destination. Santa’s Village.