Page 51

“Man, are you alright? You look pale as fuck right now.” Austin pulls over to a nearby gas station. I jump out, needing some fresh air.
I turn back to the vehicle and interlock my hands behind my head. “I fucked up. What the fuck am I going to do?” I pace back and forth again. My stomach betrays me, and I dry heave.
“No one fucked up. It’s clearly a terrible misunderstanding. Kat thinks you were doing something behind her back, so try to see it from her point of view. Let her come around; she’ll eventually be ready to talk.” Austin stands next to me, worry etched in his face.
“But it’s killing me! Waiting is killing me! I can make this right if she would just let me!Fuck! I love her. I love her so much. Every part of me wants to go to her. I’m like a magnet being drawn to her. But now? Now, not being allowed to? It’s tearing me apart from the inside out!” My words just spill out. Every muscle is vibrating with pain.
I need her. Every part of me needs Kat. I’m nothing without her.
* * *
Today’s been a shit day after all. Every day I’m without her, it just gets shittier. Once I get home, I take a shower and change. I probably need to eat, but I just don’t have the stomach for it right now.
One word to describe me at this moment? Exhausted. Not sleeping much is taking its toll. I really need to get a few hours of sleep tonight. I rub the palm of my hand into my eyes. God, I’m so fucking beat.
I take out my phone and see if I have any missed calls. Nothing. Not a text, not a call. Part of me wants to call up Vicki and check in to see how Kat is doing. I just need to hear that she is okay. But I can’t. I know I can’t. She needs to have her time to get her thoughts together, and I have to respect that. In time, I can hope she comes around.
Like Austin said, I just have to wait. So, I sit and wait. I fucking hate siting and waiting. There has never been a time in my life where sitting and waiting has helped me. Fuck, I hate sitting and waiting.
Turning on my television, I leave on anything that can act as noise. I just need the noise. Noise helps me get her out of my head. These days, she takes up every thought I have. Kat’s always on my mind. It’s why I can’t sleep; she’s in my dreams. Ugh. I really need to get some sleep. I’m going to have to take time off if I can’t get my shit together. I can’t risk Austin’s life if I’m too tired and shouldn’t be working. Tomorrow, I’ll go ahead in put in a request for a few days.
My eyes grow heavy. I feel the exhaustion coming at me full force. Maybe I’ll stay asleep, and maybe I won’t dream of a life with Kat. Maybe she’ll forgive me in my dreams. My dreams are where she loves me. It’s where we have a life together, and that’s more than I can wish for. In my dreams, she’s my wife, and we have kids. We live a happy life. In my dreams, she’s my everything. So, for now, since I can’t have her here with me, I’ll just have to dream that one day we will find each other again.
Before long, the noise from the TV finally gets to me, and sleep overtakes me.
“Kat, please, you need to hear me out. It’s not what you think. Emma, she’s my ex. Please,” I beg.
“Why didn’t you just tell me? Why keep all of it locked up and away? How was I supposed to know? Why did you keep her a guarded secret?” Her body’s shaking. I try to reach out to her, but she steps back.
“It’s not like that. I just … I wanted to forget her. If I didn’t say her name, she didn’t exist. She is my past, and I want to leave her there.” This is partly the truth. “It doesn’t matter. None of it matters. Emma’s nothing but my past.”
“But I love you, Bryce.” She pulls away again. Why does she keep pulling away? I feel stuck, rooted to the ground.
“I know, Kat. I love you and nothing will ever change that. Please. Let me make it up to you.” She takes a step forward and I run over to her. I can finally reach out to her. Touch her. Kiss her. My heart beats wildly. I look down at her lips. The anticipation makes my entire body shake.
Her lips feel so real. I can hear her moans. Feel her hands touching me. “I need you. Baby, I love you.” I whisper to her.
Kat says nothing; she gets on her knees in front of me. She takes off my belt and unbuttons my jeans. My breathing quickens in anticipation.
“Kat, you don’t have to do this.” I lock my gaze with hers as she looks up at me with those brilliant emerald eyes.
“Shhhh,” She continues working to get my pants undone.
Kat takes her tongue and licks the underside of my shaft. Instantly, I groan in response. “Kat …” I throw my head back in pure ecstasy.
Kat’s mouth hovers over the head of my cock, and slowly, she wraps her mouth around my length. Her tongue swirls around my head.
“Fuck, that feels so good.” I wrap my hands in her hair, moving her mouth slowly down my cock. “Your mouth is amazing. So fucking warm. Oh, fuck. That’s it, baby, look up at me.”
Her hand strokes me in tandem with her mouth. She pulls back and flicks her tongue on the head of my cock. I let out a hiss. Her mouth wraps around me again. This time, she goes deeper. Taking me all the way to the back of her throat. Kat is making it hard for me to control myself.
All of this feels so real. Like she’s really here. My hands are in her hair, and her mouth is on my cock. This has to be the best dream ever, and I don’t ever want to wake up. I’m so happy to have her with me again.
“I love you, baby. I love you so much.” My breath hitches as I hit the back of her throat.
Then I hear it; what sirs me from my dream. A gasp and “what the fuck?”
I force my eyes open, pulling myself from the dream. Why do I still feel Kat between my legs?