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Vicki shakes her head. “Already went there. Austin says it’s Bryce’s issue, and he doesn’t want to get involved.”
“See, that right there. That tells me there is something more going on. If he wasn’t seeing anyone, why wouldn’t Austin just tell you I overreacted and that this Emma girl was no one but a stalker or something? I mean, she had his stuff, so I doubt she’s a stalker.” I twitch at the thought that he has a life I don’t even know about. My heart aches, and I close my eyes briefly, willing my breathing to return to normal.
Vicki sighs. “Yeah, that’s a good point. If it were nothing, Austin would have at least told me.” She gets up and heads towards the kitchen. “Okay, let’s get you something to drink. Tea?” I nod and lie back against the couch, pulling a throw blanket over myself.
I furrow my brows. “Wait, why would he have told you? Is there something going on between you two?” Immediately, I sit up, realizing what she said.
“What? No! Don’t be crazy. Just fuck buddies. I’m just saying, he knows we’re besties. I’m sure he wouldn’t want you to worry if it was nothing.” she rambles off, digging in her cupboard for tea bags.
“Yeah, I guess you could be right.” Turning to my side, I fold my arms around myself and hold the hem of the blanket tight against my chest. Vicki comes back out several minutes later with two mugs of steaming hot goodness.
“I was going to tell him I loved him, Vic,” I admit, my voice cracking, just like my heart. “ I was going to give him my heart. Well, he technically already had it; he just didn’t know.” Tears are steadily flowing from my eyes now. Then, I realize something. “Shit, I left the card and the tickets to Florida behind. That’s probably why he’s calling. To give them back to me so I can get my money back. God, I’m so stupid. Why did I do that?” I sit up and sip my chamomile tea. The sweet apple-like scent helps calm me, while the warmness helps soothe me.
Vicki sighs. “Bryce called me last night. He asked if you were with me. When I told him no and I asked him what was going on, he told me he couldn’t explain. But to his defense, he sounded sincerely worried, Kat. I think you should talk to him.” She sat closer and rubbed my back, giving me a pitiful look.
“I can’t because I know how this ends. There’s no happy ending for me. I become a joke to them. For years to come they will see me as the girl who thought she could have a normal life and a man to love. I’m never the endgame.” Placing my hands in my lap, I wring them. My body shakes. I can feel panic creeping up.
“Okay, I need you to relax. You’re getting worked up. Look at me,” She slowly turns me to face her. “Count with me. Breathe and focus on when you inhale and exhale.”
We count and breathe, and eventually, I calm down.
“Talk to him, Kat. I can go with you. But I think you really need to clear the air. This isn’t high school. He’s not the past that still haunts you. Look, if I thought for a second he was cheating, I would absolutely kick his ass for you. But I don’t think he was, sweetie. Just go talk to him.” she urges. Maybe Vic is right.
Bryce wasn’t my past, but I’m not sure if he’s my future either. Nevertheless, I need to have some closure. I finally nod; she has a point. I just need to hear him out.
“Give me a couple of days and I’ll go. I just need to gather my thoughts, but I’ll go talk to him.” I explain, accepting that this is probably better than letting it go. Getting answers would serve me better instead of me coming up with my own.
Vicki pours me more tea and we sit back and turn on a movie. I need to know what the hell is going on with Bryce, but I’ll do it on my own terms.
* * *
It’s been three days since Valentine’s Day. It’s been three days since I felt like myself. Three days since I’ve seen Bryce. It hurts to breathe. During all three days, I’ve felt like a shell of myself. Floating through existence, barely getting by. My broken heart’s barely keeping me alive.
I’ve been staying at Vicki’s place. She gives me the support I need right now. Vicki called out of work, and we didn’t go out. We both just hid in her apartment. Vicki and I watched movies—sci-fi ones, because rom-coms were simply not happening right now. Neither of us want to watch the lovey dovey shit with all that’s happened.
“Okay, Austin called and said that they just got off work. So, you can head over there when you want.” Vicki calls out from the kitchen while she grabs a bag of chips to munch on.
We let Austin know that I want to talk to Bryce, but that he can’t say anything about it. If Bryce knows or prepares himself for me, nothing would be truthful. I need to talk to him without him knowing I’m coming. There needs to be a genuine reaction from Bryce.
By eight at night, I finally work up the nerve to go over there and talk to him. And by working up the nerve, I mean I finally stopped throwing up and dry heaving from my nerves. Though I’m surprised that I even threw anything up, I haven’t much eaten since this I ran from his apartment.
I step up to Bryce’s door and try to calm my nerves. After I take a deep breath, I realize I hear noises from inside. Moaning. My stomach drops. I don’t know why, but I place my hand on the doorknob. I should just turn and run. But I don’t. I need to see for myself what is happening.
While I’m shaking, I somehow manage to quietly unlock the door and push it open. I turn to the living room and see Bryce with his eyes closed and his hands in the hair of a blonde as she gives him head. My eyes go wide with panic, my breath hitches and I let out a gasp.
“What the fuck?” I place my hand on my chest; the pain is too much. I think I’m going to be sick. Sickness hits me, my stomach rolls, and my heart breaks a million times more than it was. There was a chance it’d be healed by working things out with him. Now it’s dust. My heart’s been crushed to dust. There’s no hope for it.
Bryce’s eyes shoot open, but I don’t stay to finish watching them. I run down to my apartment. As I come up to the door, I can hear the blood pumping my ears. I feel lightheaded and dizzy, and my hands are trembling. I’m hyperventilating as I finally unlock the door and get into my apartment. My entire body is heavy. I feel like there are weights pulling me down to the ground. I try to take deep breaths, but I can’t get my lungs to work.
I need to get to the couch. I just need to lie down. Fumbling and barely hanging on, I make it into the living room. I get down on my knees, unable to stand anymore. My vision is tunneling. I grab onto the couch, but my hands slip, and I feel myself crash to the floor.
After I hit the floor, everything goes dark.
Chapter 21
Bryce
It’s beenthree days since I’ve talked to Kat. Three days since she ran out on Valentine’s Day. I’m fucking miserable. I only shower and shave because I have to maintain myself for work. If it wasn’t for work, I wouldn’t leave the house. I’m completely and utterly destroyed.