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I’ve been staying at her apartment every night, hoping she’ll come home. She doesn’t. I can’t stay there tonight; I need to sleep. Being surrounded by her, without her, it’s slowly killing me. I don’t know how much more of this I can take.
I make my way up to my apartment. I’m fucking exhausted. All my calls go unanswered, all my texts ignored. There’s not much more I can do other than wait for her to come back. Walking into my room, I see a card sitting on the dresser next to my watch box. Where the hell did this come from?
My hands shake as I open it, my breathing quickens, and my heart is pounding right out of my chest. As I pull out the card, I see that it’s a Valentine’s Day card. Somehow, I missed this with all the crazy that has happened over the last few days. I open it and read the message inside. My heart is clenching, hurting, and twisting at the fact that this card is from Kat. Tears escape my eyes, and I’m too tired to hold them back.
My Dearest Bryce, (sounds fancy, doesn’t it!)
I want to share with you that not only are you my first, but you are also my first Valentine. Today will mark a holiday I’ve never had reason to celebrate, but now I do. You.
I love that you make me feel completely normal. I love that you don’t judge me. I love that you can read me and know my tells. I love that you protect me. I love that you nerd out with me. I love that you support me. I love that you care for me. I love falling asleep next to you. I love waking up to you. I love making love to you.
To put it simply, I love you. Happy Valentine’s Day.
Your Everything,
Kitty Kat
Inside the card is a piece of paper, I unfold it and stare at it in disbelief. My hands drop everything. Running my hands over my face, I scream.
“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” Kat got us two tickets to go see my parents this summer. For her to get on a plane, to be around people in a tube thirty thousand feet in the air … Fuck!
Kat loves me. Kat fucking loves me. She loves me enough to be uncomfortable and risk an anxiety or panic attack just to go with me to see my parents. She loves me enough and trusts me enough to know I will help keep her calm and protect her. Except I couldn’t protect her from the vile Emma. The life-sucking parasite called Emma.
How am I going to get her back? To get her to listen to me? I pick up my phone and text her.
Me: Kat, please. I need to talk to you. Please, you need to let me explain.
I wait. It doesn’t go through. She blocked me. There’s a void in my chest where my heart used to be. I walk over to the bed and drop to the floor next to my nightstand. Every bone in my body hurts over this. There’s a visceral pain in me that feels this loss, that knows I lost the love of my life.
I pull my knees up and rest my head on them. How can I let her go? There’s no way I can simply forget about the woman I love. Turning my head to the side, I pull open the drawer from my nightstand. I pull out her gift that I was going to give to her three days ago. A beautiful heart-shaped locket. The front has a single diamond on it. On the back, I wrote a message to let her know all she needs to know. “You’re my everything.”
Sheismy everything. Kat has been since the day I met her. I didn’t know it then, but she carries my heart and soul in her hands. Everything I do, it’s all for her. She absolutelyismy everything, and I need my everything back. I rub my chest above my heart, trying to smooth the pain away. Nothing is working.
Sitting there in tears, I stare at the necklace until I have to leave for work. I love you, Kat. No matter what happens, I’ll make sure you at least hear from me. Wiping my tears, I put the locket back in the box and put it away, hoping that one day soon I can place it gracefully on her neck.
* * *
Austin and I are out patrolling a neighborhood when he turns to me. He hasn’t said much about this whole thing; he knows it’s tearing me up inside.
“Man, you look like shit, Hawthorne.” He gives me a slight chuckle as he turns down another street.
“Thanks, asshole.” I give him a side-eyed glance and continue looking forward at the road. Today hasn’t been bad so far, but I’m still pretty upset.
“Have you heard from her at all?”
“No. I think she blocked my number. Texts aren’t going through. Fuck. I don’t know what to do.” I scrub my face with my hands; I’m beyond frustrated.
“Well, I can tell you she’s been staying with Vicki. I mean, I’m not supposed to say anything. Vicki will probably castrate me for it, but she’s with Vicki.” Austin confesses.
“But when I called her that first night, Vicki didn’t even know Kat disappeared. Where was she?” I turn more to look at him. My hands are curled into fists in my lap.
Austin sighs. “You’re gonna not like it. I don’t even know if I should tell you.”
“Tell me.” I growl.
Austin hesitates, but finally speaks up, “She slept in a Walmart parking lot, from what Vicki tells me. She went to McCarran and watched the planes land and take off for a while to calm down, then went to Walmart to sleep.” He shakes his head, frowning.
My heart stops. I feel sick. My stomach is rolling. She slept alone in a parking lot. She didn’t even feel comfortable enough to go to her place. I made her that way through my mistake. Emma being that mistake. If I had made it home sooner, I could have stopped all of this.