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“I’ve never believed in lying to you, Dean, so I won’t tell you it isn’t a little weird for me.”

Dean nodded, not surprised but hating the sinking feeling in his gut. Despite everything that had happened between him and Sloane, he shouldn’t have expected anything less. Sloane was straight, of course. The idea of being checked out by a guy, having slept with a guy, and everything else would be weird.

Sloane watched his face, still smiling gently. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t like it.”

“That doesn’t make a lot of sense, does it?” Dean asked.

Sloane snorted. “Did it make sense for you to have been into me all this time?”

Dean frowned. “I never said it made sense.”

Sloane shook his head. “Look, I didn’t mean anything against you. I just meant sometimes, we feel things that don’t make sense, but they are what they are, right? It didn’t make sense for you to feel the way you did about me all that time, but you did. Maybe you felt that way for a reason because you sensed something I didn’t even think could exist, or maybe hearts simply do what they want, and we’ve got to deal with the mess they make.”

Dean nodded slowly, understanding Sloane even as he smiled at the realization that his friend was babbling. Sloane had never been good at expressing himself verbally, which was probably why the physical affection element of their friendship had always been the strongest. Sloane didn’t consider himself a good speaker, but he could get his point across by hugging Dean or letting Dean lay his head in Sloane’s lap.

“My point is, yeah, this is a little weird for me. Of course, it is. You know I tried watching gay porn after...the whole blowjob thing?” Sloane asked, averting his eyes.

Dean couldn’t help his snort. “Seriously?”

“Yeah, I tried a few videos, including a couple I don’t want to discuss. Didn’t do anything for me.”

“Well, you’re not gay,” Dean said, proud of himself for keeping his voice free of sadness or worry.

Sloane nodded. “I mean, those videos did nothing, not even a twitch from my dick. The minute I started thinking about you giving me a blowjob, though, I was hard in two seconds flat.”

Dean blinked. “You got hard from that?”

“Got more than hard.”

It took a minute before Dean understood what he meant. “You...jerked off to that memory?”

Sloane shrugged. “It was a good blowjob.”

Dean looked down at their joined hands, sorting through his thoughts. On the one hand, it was incredibly hot to think that Sloane had pleasured himself to the memory of Dean’s impulsive, drunken blowjob. On the other hand, it was also bizarre to think that Sloane, a man Dean knew to be nothing but straight, had been aroused and got off to the thought of a guy, Dean specifically, blowing him.

Dean gave a low chuckle. “Alright, I’m starting to get the weirdness here now, too.”

“Right? I can watch different dudes go at it and feel nothing. I mean, I can see a dude who’s good-looking and know he’s good-looking, but it doesn’t do anything for me. But I remembered that night, and I was ready to go. And last night? Jesus, Dean, that was...it was?—”

Dean looked up, unable to stop himself from worrying his bottom lip as he waited for Sloane to find what he wanted to say. Whatever came out of Sloane’s mouth next would determinewhere they were headed. Despite everything they’d done so far, Dean couldn’t shake the dread that it was all for nothing. That, in the end, despite how much ‘fun’ Sloane had, he would back away from it all, and they’d continue their lives as they had before.

Sloane reached behind him, flicking on the lamp beside the couch. Dean winced against the sudden glare, waiting till he could see better before opening his eyes fully. Sloane looked him over with the strangest expression, both hungry and awed.

“What?” Dean asked self-consciously.

“None of those guys did it, but just sitting here, looking at you, touching you gets my brain going all over again. I’ve always liked being close to you and touching you, and maybe that was a sign. I didn’t realize what that touch could be until last night. Because last night was just...fucking amazing, Dean.”

Dean felt heat rise in his cheeks. “I’m not arguing, but?—”

“I don’t know what that makes me or if it makes me anything. Maybe I’m straight for everyone else but you?”

Dean let out a nervous chuckle. “Sounds, uh, too good to be true.”

Sloane cocked his head, gaze going soft. “You don’t believe me.”

“I do,” Dean was quick to assure him.

“I wouldn’t say this to make you feel better.”