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Away, he needed to get away, andnow. Jesus, what had he just done?

“I’m going to bed. Too much to drink. Thank you,” he said wildly, trying to remember what he was thankful for. “For understanding, for caring. But I’m?—”

God, he was too drunk to deal with what he’d just done. And he was too drunk to deal with that stunned expression on Matt’s face. It looked like Nick had just clubbed him over the head without warning and left him.

“I’m going to bed,” Nick finally finished, stumbling into the hallway.

He would never know how he made it up the stairs without his feet tangling and sending him flailing down to the main floor. And never had he cursed the lack of a door like he did as he stumbled into the sole bedroom and collapsed.

“Fuck,” he muttered, covering his face. “What thehell?”

Stupid. That’s what he’d been. Drunk, stupid, and desperate for one fleeting moment. And he had probably thrown away or at least put at risk everything he’d built with Matt over the years.

“Fuck,” he said succinctly once more.

MATT

He wasn’t sure how long he sat in the living room, unmoving and staring at where Nick had last been. Matt was sure it had only been a few minutes, but time was weird as he sat in the dark living room of their shared cabin. Nick had left so quickly Matt hadn’t had time to process the rapid-fire thoughts shooting through his brain like a meteor shower.

Without thinking, he brought his fingers to his lips. They were still...odd feeling, tingling. He was sure they weren’t swollen, as Nick hadn’t kissed him nearly hard or long enough. He could still feel the distant sensation of his friend’s lips against his.

Slumping, he let himself rest against the couch. His conversation with Nick had been odd enough at face value. Finding out that your best friend had been in love with you for years was disconcerting as it was. To have them turn around, kiss you desperately, and then run away? Well, that was a mindfuck that Matt had never quite prepared for.

A thump from above drew his head up, and he winced. He wanted desperately to climb the stairs to where he was sure Nick was freaking out in the dark of the bedroom. Matt stayed where he was, though, knowing he was in no state to help his friend.He’d never seen Nick so panicked and out of control that he practically tripped over his feet as he fled the crime scene.

“Was it, though?” he asked himself distantly.

It made sense, Nick kissing him. At least, now Matt knew the truth, it made a great deal of sense. How often had Nick wanted to do exactly what he’d done before fleeing as fast as his drunken feet would carry him? How many times over the years had Nick found himself wishing for something he repeatedly told himself he could not have?

The phrasing of the question made Matt cock his head, and then he was on his feet. With a heavy sigh, he grabbed his coat from the rack. He’d left Eric behind without a thought when he realized he hadn’t seen Nick for a while, and after spotting William drinking in a corner and looking miserable, the wheels had started turning. He hadn’t expected to find Nick drunk and alone in their shared cabin, but things were beginning to make sense.

With a last lingering gaze toward the ceiling, he stepped outside. The cold bit into his skin, but he welcomed it even as he pulled a hat and gloves on. Despite not having a drink himself, the sudden blast of cold air felt as though it sobered him up instantly.

Tucking his hands into his coat pockets, he set off down the walk. The crunch of the snow and the wind were the only things he could hear.

He let his feet guide him as he trudged around the small complex that made up the Engel family lodge. He could see a few houses in the distance with their lights on and stayed away from them. The last thing he wanted was to deal with the extended Engel family, not after everything that happened.

Which, he told himself, is why he heard a familiar voice.

“Matt?”

He sighed, turning to face the owner of the voice. “Evening, Emily. Where’s your shadow?”

Which was all it took to summon Nicole. Emily stood between a couple of buildings on a narrow path, and Nicole appeared out of nowhere to stand behind her sister.

“I’m taller than her. I can’t be a shadow,” Nicole told him with a scowl.

Matt couldn’t help his smile. “What can I do for you, ladies?”

“Well, it’s Christmas Eve,” Nicole began.

“And we thought we could do with our traditional walk,” Emily finished.

Matt cocked his head. “You guys go for a walk on Christmas Eve?”

“And Christmas Day,” Emily said.

Nicole nodded. “In the most literal sense. When it hits midnight each day, we go for a walk wherever we are.”