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“Uh, yeah, on both counts, sure,” Nick managed.

“So, like, all the stuff you can do with a guy, you want to do with me?”

“I think that’s how being sexually attracted works, Matt.”

“Basic stuff like sucking and fucking.”

Nick’s mouth went dry. “Yeah, that’s in there.”

“Touching, well, more than we already touch. Wait, does our cuddling turn you on?”

Nick shook his head. “Weird as it sounds, I can keep that...separate from the other feelings.”

“Cuddling doesn’t turn you on?”

“Well, itdoes. Just not with you.”

“I’m not sure if I should be offended by that.”

Nick scowled, swatting his friend’s leg. “It means I keep the feelings separate, like I just said. There’s a...mental wall there. If...other stuff was to happen, that wall would probably go away, I don’t know.”

Matt rubbed his leg thoughtfully. “Kissing?”

Oh, yes, there was definitely the urge to kiss him. It was probably the single strongest and most frequent urge Nick had. While he could more or less keep everything else at bay, the desire to kiss Matt was beyond Nick’s ability to keep locked down.

He quickly discovered that having it brought up so bluntly, along with Matt’s proximity, was not good for quelling the urge. On some level, he knew speaking openly about his feelings, the alcohol lowering his inhibitions, and Matt’s physical closeness were to blame. On other levels, he had to fight not to focus too hard on Matt’s lips.

“Yeah,” he managed to say steadily. “Kissing.”

Then, at what felt like the absolute worst time, Matt caught his bottom lip between his teeth in a thoughtful gesture. Nick felt his stomach twist, wishing they’d chosen to have the conversation with both of them sober and a table between them. Despite his insistence seconds before to keep his gaze focused on Matt’s eyes, or at least anywhere but on his body or lips, Nick’s attention was locked on that one small gesture.

Which was when Matt decided to look up, eyes slightly vacant as he thought. Life flickered behind his gaze once more, and his brow slowly rose. Nick realized too late, the moment Matt’s lips parted, what his friend was realizing.

“You want to do it right now?” Matt whispered hoarsely.

Nick didn’t know if it was the roughness in Matt’s voice, the look of awe on his face, or the gentle parting of his lips. In the end, he knew he would blame the alcohol, the conversation that taunted and tempted him, and his stupid decision-making. Whatever he chose to blame it on, he reached out, his mind shutting down all arguments, all logic and reason.

He felt the scruff along the curve of Matt’s jaw, bristling under his fingertips. His pinky brushed Matt’s throat, feeling it work nervously as Nick held him gently by the cheek. Instinct, desire, and desperation had him leaning forward. Time slowed and somehow sped up as he closed the distance between them.

Matt didn’t pull away, didn’t shy, only sat there.

And their lips met.

It was brief, made short by the sudden reignition of Nick’s higher thought processes screaming at him. But in that blissful moment of no thought, he felt the press of Matt’s lips against his and smelled the spicy, woodsy scent of his cologne. For that one moment, he had everything he ever wanted and dreamed of.

And then reality reasserted itself.

Looking back later, he would feel more ashamed for the way he all but threw himself away from Matt than he would for the impromptu kiss. That he gave a small and pitiful yelp in the process certainly didn’t help the shame.

“I’m sorry,” he wheezed.

Matt stared up at him, eyes wide and lips still parted. Nick felt his face burn as he scrambled to his feet, tripping over them and almost spilling to the ground. If it hadn’t been for the plush chair beside him to grab hold of, he probably wouldhave fallen in a heap. As it was, he was able to keep his feet, still backpedaling in a hurry, desperate to get as much distance between them as possible.

“I shouldn’t have,” he began, shaking his head. “That wasn’t...I’m sorry.”

Matt stayed where he was, only his eyes moving and then his lips. “Nick?—”

Nick shook his head vehemently, backing into the hallway. “Don’t. I get it if you’re pissed, that wasn’t...that wasn’t...I’m sorry.”