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Nick looked up slowly, hating the flicker of hope in his chest. “You’re not?”

Matt shrugged. “Not really. I mean, it’s weird to think about you being...you know, with me.”

“Uh, the idea of me having...those feelings for you or the idea of actually being with you?” Nick asked.

That earned a soft laugh. “Put that way, both.”

“Is this your roundabout way of trying to say you’re picturing me naked?” Nick teased.

Matt snorted. “You say that as if I haven’t seen you naked more times than probably all your exes and partners combined.”

The moment should have been one of levity; it was what Nick aimed for. Instead, he felt his pulse jump at the thought and a drop in his gut. Here was a man who had seen him in just about every state, clothed and naked for sure but bruised, bleeding, and at his wit’s end. Matt had been there when Nick had been high and low, and he’d ridden out the middle with him as easily as everything else in their lives. Through it all, he’d stayed at Nick’s side, as loyal and true as ever, always willing to make him feel better, bring comfort, or just spend time with him because it made them happy.

Not for the first time in his life, he wanted to reach out, cup his friend’s face, and just once, know what it felt like to kiss him.

“So,” Matt said, interrupting Nick’s thoughts. “Can I ask a really weird question?”

“I think we’ve got weird all over the place. What’s a little more?”

“Right. True, fair. I mean, I get the, like, romantic feelings.”

“You get them, huh?”

“If I don’t think about it too hard, yeah. Logically, it’s gotta happen to people sometimes, right? You’re into dudes, but you’ve never been into any guys romantically because there was never a connection. And well, we have the connection.”

“You’ve given this thought.”

“I have.”

“You had a question, though.”

“I do.”

“Okay, what’s the question?”

To his surprise, Matt’s cheeks flushed. “Uh, is itjustromantic?”

“Oh,” Nick said, feeling his face warm.

Matt looked back at his lap. “Told you it was weird.”

“Well, not really. Kind of a fair question.”

He had already consigned himself to being honest with Matt, the milk was out of the udder and there was no putting it back after all. But he still wasn’t sure justhowhonest he wanted to be.

Did Matt need to know all the ideas and fantasies that had run through Nick’s head? Did he need to know that sometimes Nick wanted to trace the lines of the man’s body, including his scar, with his tongue? Or that the flash of the man’s waist when he stretched had a way of making Nick half-hard? And did he need to know that in moments like this, where they were themselves, even talking about difficult things, Nick wanted so badly to pin the man against a surface and kiss him roughly?

Probably not.

Nick cleared his throat. “Yeah, it’s...sexual too.”

“You want my body?” Matt asked.

Nick couldn’t help his snort. “Classic Matt tact.”

“I have no other way to put it. I could have said, ‘You want to fuck me’ instead, but that seemed worse.”

Nick’s mind was a little more willing to focus on hearing that request come from Matt rather than on the context. That was not helping him stay focused and just being friends.