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Oscar closed his eyes. “I know.”

Troy waited, seeing if there was anything Oscar might throw into the conversation, but there was nothing.

“So, that’s it then?” Troy asked.

Oscar looked at him helplessly. “What do you want me to say, Troy?”

“I want you to explain why. I mean, fine, you protected me, and I appreciate it, I really do. I probably wouldn’t be here, or I’d be in the hospital if it wasn’t for you. But that didn’t mean you had to do that, you didn’t have to kiss me.”

“It was?—”

Troy’s frustration grew as Oscar closed his mouth, shaking his head.

“What, Oscar? Were you planning on kissing me and leaving it at that? Were you just going to pretend like it wouldn’t give me hope, like it wouldn’t make me want?—”

Now he was losing his voice, his words. All he could do was stare at Oscar, hoping against hope that the man would say something. Make sense of it all.

“Troy,” Oscar began. “I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have kissed you.”

Troy’s hand went limp, pulling away from Oscar’s arm. It was the answer Troy had feared, and the one he’d hoped against hope wouldn’t be the case. The faint flicker of hope that had blossomed after Oscar’s surprise kiss fluttered and faded as he gazed into the pained expression on Oscar’s face.

“I’m sorry. I got caught up in the moment and just?—”

Troy jerked away, his pain flaring into anger. “Just what? Made a mistake? Do the rest of us a favor, Oscar, and stop making mistakes that screw with people’s hearts, how about that?”

“That’s not fair, Troy,” Oscar growled, eyes narrowing.

Troy jabbed him in the chest with his finger. “No, what’s not fair is you making it seem like there might be something going on, that we...that there was a chance for something else.”

“I never said anything about that. You assumed it.”

“Right, because kissing is such an ambiguous gesture, Oscar.”

“I said I was sorry.”

Troy stepped back, curling his lip. “Well, you can cram your sorry right up your ass. It was stupid of me to come to talk to you. I mean, hell, you’re the one who took off six years ago because you couldn’t hack it. Why should I expect you to be any different now? You ran, and even now, when I’m trying to catch up with you, you’re still running.”

Oscar looked stung by the comment, wincing. “Troy?—”

Troy shook his head, turning and walking away before he or Oscar could say anything else. He’d never felt more stupid, more humiliated than he did as he tried desperately to put as much distance between them as he could. Like some little kid who didn’t know shit about the world, Troy had let himself believe there’d been some glimmer of a chance between him and Oscar.

He also refused to let the tears stinging his eyes flow. Just as he had in the storeroom after seeing Oscar again for the first time in years, he shoved the emotions deep into the well within himself. Troy had shed too many tears for Oscar as it was, and yeah, it hurt like hell to hope even for a moment and have it ripped away.

But he had ways of dealing with his pain, and a night out sounded real good.

OSCAR

The argument with Troy sat in Oscar’s head for two days. It felt like no matter what they did, they were destined to argue every time they met. It was as though, since fate had determined they’d not only be stationed at the same base, but they would also be constantly around one another and simply waiting to be at each other’s throats.

Before coming to Fort Dale, all Oscar wanted was a bit of his old life back, to have a sliver of the chaos and confusion back. He’d always thrived in chaos, even if he hated it in his personal life. With the storm whirling around him, Oscar never felt more focused, more sure of himself. With Troy, though, every grip he had on his emotions, his control over his thoughts and attention, was ripped out from under him with an ease that terrified the shit out of him.

That had always been the greatest appeal to being with Troy and what had inevitably driven Oscar away. While they were together and everything fell into a predictable pattern, Oscar was content. But things were rarely like that with Troy, and Oscar was constantly pulled in one direction and then another. Worse yet, Oscar hardly noticed how much self-control he’d lost until near the end. It was too easy to lose himself in Troy, to slipinto the storm. That was how mistakes were made, and more than once, they’d almost been found out.

“Oi, Oscar, you in here?”his bunkmate, Ethan, called.

Oscar held his hand against Troy’s mouth as they huddled against the dividing wall that separated them from the man’s view. Ethan stood at the entrance to his and Oscar’s shared barracks room, looking around. Oscar could just see him through a small gap between the wall and the bed frame.

All it would take was a few steps further into the room, and Ethan would find Oscar and Troy naked, sweaty, and smelling of lube. Oscar cursed inwardly at the thought, not believing he had let himself lose his senses so badly. He and Ethan’s door didn’t latch closed at the best of times, and Oscar had been too distracted by Troy’s hands and lips on him to make sure it was both latched and locked.