Page 336

Matt sighed. “Nick?—”

Nick shook his head, closing his eyes. “No, no, don’t. I get why you’ve been staying away from me all day. Made a lot more sense when my dad told me what he said to you. Thought it was weird, kinda hurt my feelings, still hurts, but I get it, you know? It’s gotta be weird as fuck, hearing that.”

“From someone else,” Matt added softly.

“Yeah, sure, that was weird. Maybe not as weird as hearing my dad say it to me...or maybe it would’ve been weirder. News about someone else that should’ve been told by them but was told by a different person, or a secret being told to you about you, and finding out it was told to another person? Weird.”

“It’s weird when you phrase it like that.”

“It is like that!”

Matt snorted softly, bending over to pick up the bottle from the floor and setting it carefully somewhere out of sight. Nick watched the bottle disappear, giving a low, wistful sigh as he regretted not polishing it off. Before he could do anything aboutit, though, Matt slid down to the floor beside him. There was space between them, which was weird, but he was close, and Nick would take that.

“I love it when you drink, even though I hate seeing how much you drink,” Matt told him.

“Um, then why do you like it when I drink?”

“Because you’re more vocal about what’s going on in your head,” Matt said with a shrug. “I know I probablyshouldknow what’s going on in your head after all these years, butobviously,I don’t. You get drunk, and you start rambling non-stop, and I know that’s what your head has to sound like all the time. It’s...fascinating.”

Nick snorted. “Noisy.”

“Some people would say that about me,” Matt pointed out.

Nick scowled. “I’ll punch ‘em.”

Matt chuckled, patting Nick’s elbow. “You don’t have to defend my honor, Nick. I know I’m awkward with people, and then I start rambling on about stuff and make it more awkward. I know what I am.”

“So do I,” Nick said, hoping it sounded as affectionate as he meant it.

Matt sat beside him, hands in his lap, gaze on his twiddling fingers. Nick watched him closely, wishing he had the words to make this less awkward for them. Yes, hewantedMatt, but more important to Nick was being there for Matt, helping him, being his friend, and not adding another problem to his life.

“Is…” Matt began, clearing his throat roughly. “It’s true then?”

“Of course, I don’t want to add another problem to your life,” Nick said grumpily.

Matt glanced sidelong at him, smirking faintly. “I think we’re having two different conversations here.”

Nick frowned. “Oh, I was...right, thinking, not saying.”

“Yeah, probably.”

“Oh. You meant...what my dad told you.”

“Yes, Nick,” Matt said patiently. “That’s what I was talking about.”

It was Nick’s turn to look at his hands. “Yeah.”

No point in lying about it now. His dad had spilled the beans, and Nick hadn’t exactly gone about trying to deny it. He couldn’t help but wonder if he might have had a chance at denying it successfully. Maybe if he’d had his head on straight, he could have managed to whisk it under the rug, leaving Matt to believe a lie.

Nah, he hated lying to Matt. Hiding the truth was one thing, it wasn’t a truth that could hurt either of them while kept secret. But to outright lie to him? Didn’t feel right.

“How...long?” Matt asked cautiously.

Nick sighed heavily. “You really want to know?”

Matt rubbed his forehead vigorously. “Yes, yes I do.”

“Why?”