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“We’re not married. Not really. This is for revenge with Calvin. So, it doesn’t matter what I saw. I don’t feel anything about it.”
“I don’t know if that’s true.”
I tapped my finger on my mug. He was right, but one thingwastrue. Ishouldn’tfeel this way. I knew what I was getting myself into. Seeing confirmation shouldn’t hurt.
Just like V’s lack of answer shouldn’t have hurt either.
“This isn’t ... entirely your fault. It’s been a rough few weeks. And I’m not acting in my best interest as usual, but this isn’t your fault. It’s not about you at this moment.”
It was mostly true. Now, V’s lack of answer was at the forefront of my mind.
“You could tell me, you know. Even if it wasn’t me.”
Some days, it felt like I was over all of the things that hurt me. It felt like the dull ache was reduced to nothingness and I was able to go on with my life.
But on days like this where I opened up and got no response, it all came flooding back.
“Just give me time.”
I could hear his response even now.We don’t have a lot of that.
But his hand threaded through mine as he sat in the empty seat next to me. “Take as much as you need.”
I looked down at where he held onto me, and the pain lessened, replaced by the familiar dull throb I had carried through most of my life.
And after a few minutes, it was bearable again.
“Today’s the last day we have the cabin, right?”
“Yes, but we could stay longer if we wanted to.”
“Would your company be okay with that?”
“Probably not,” he said with a sigh. “But they’d deal. What can they do, fire me?”
“I see CEOs step down all the time, though usually it’s through illegal dealings. Hey, you’re not secretly running a rich people’s sex ring, right?”
His jaw dropped. “Absolutely not.”
“Then, you’d probably be good, but for me ...” I thought about how my risk of getting a migraine was higher now that I was out of my medicine. And then I thought about how being in Levi’s orbit all the time made me act out in stupid ways.
I probably needed space too.
“We should head out,” I said.
“Are you sure you don’t want to stay longer?”
I thought about it but then shook my head. “No. I’m ready to be back in my home. I want to read in my own four walls, and you need to get back to your job before you get in trouble.”
“The second one is a boring reason, but okay,” he said. “Then let’s head home.”
He walked inside, leaving me out on the porch. I was about to get up and join him, but I checked my phone to see if V had answered.
And I was still left on read.
I wasable to get some peace on the way back when I pulled out one of the books I’d purchased. Leaving reality soothed me in the same way Levi’s hand had earlier. It was comforting to know books would still be there for me since I knew people wouldn’t be.
But it went by too fast. I was almost done with it by the time we got back to Nashville. Traffic was so bad that I put it up to prevent motion sickness from all the stopping and going.