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He let out a humorless laugh. “I was fuckingterrified,actually. Terrified that something was going on that I didn’t know about. Terrified that this could have health repercussions and there was nothing I could do. I didn’t know about the migraines and then I came in and turned the fucking lights on—” He stopped and let out a harsh breath. “And you think I’m upset because I’m inconvenienced?”
“They are an inconvenience. That’s just a fact. You had things to do?—”
“And what aboutyou?You were the one in pain. I care about that, Amy. I don’t give a shit about anything else when you’re hurting. And then to find out you needed your medicine and you were just going without? That kills me. You’re my wife now, and if you need anything, I’m gonna get it for you. Why is that so hard for you to believe?”
“B-because that’s not how things work.”
“They work that way now. Unlike the idiots who came before me, I care, Amy.”
Tears gathered in my eyes, and I squeezed them shut and turned away. I didn’t want to cry, not when I was the one who’d screwed up.
“Amy,” Levi said gently. “What’s going on? Is the pain coming back?”
“N-no,” I managed to say. “I’m now at the part where I cry like a baby. I fucking hate this. I feel terrible for all of it, and I feel even worse physically. I just ... I want to benormal.I don’t want to live this way.”
“I know, darling.” His voice was soft, and for some reason, it made me sadder.
“And I hate that I need people after these damn things because the only person I had is gone and my family doesn’t care. God, was it too much to ask for a hug when I was sick?”
“Absolutely not,” he said. “It’s never too much to ask for a hug anytime from your family. When Dad died, I wouldn’t have made it without Mom being there. Or Isra. Or ...” He trailed off. “Or my friends. And I can’t imagine what it’s like to have migraines and do it alone.”
“It’s better that way. If I do it alone, then no one can leave when they see me like this.”
“Did you think I would leave?”
“Y-yes.”
“Amy,no.I would never leave because you got sick.”
“But it’s gonna happen again. It always will.”
“And next time I’ll know how to help you. And every single time after that.”
More tears fell. He wanted to helpmore?
“Can I touch you now?” he asked. “Please tell me I can.”
“I don’t ... I don’t want sex?—”
His eyes went wide. “God, no. I just wanna hug you.”
“Oh” was all I could say.
“Please?” he repeated. His voice was on the brink of desperation, like he needed this.
And I did too.
“Yeah, you can.”
He let out a breath of relief and pulled me into him. I could hear his fast heartbeat with the way he pressed me into his chest. I closed my eyes.
A desire I’d had for years was finally coming true and it made a different kind of tears brim in my eyes. I didn’t want to admit it, but I needed this. I needed someone to be here, to take just a pound of the burden off of my shoulders so I could breathe for a minute.
“We can wait until I’m finally on your insurance to?—”
“I’ll have you retroactively added. But I’ll pay millions out of pocket. You’re going to your specialist tomorrow.”
“They’re usually booked up.”