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“I walked in to my wife nearly passed out in her room. Do you think I give a fuck about anything else?”
“I’m fine,” I said.
“You’re pale and you look ...”
I winced. My hair was a mess, as it usually was when I didn’t have the energy to take care of it.
“I look bad. I get it, but it’s mostly the hair. I bet if I styled it, you wouldn’t even notice my paleness. If it had been just a little less intense, I could have?—”
“Do you always have this little regard for yourself, or is this something you’re reserving only for me?”
My jaw dropped. “I ... I take care of myself.”
“You were out of your medicine.”
“Levi, a thirty-day supply ofoneof them costs more than two thousand dollars out of pocket. I can’t ... Yes, I made cuts, but I had to.”
“You have all the money you could need.”
“But—”
“Amy, what do I have to say to get you to understand, you didn’tneedto make cuts. You’re not out of money.”
“Have you seen my bank account?”
“Have you seen mine? I’m rich and you have access to?—”
“And when has that helped me?” I snapped. “I grew up with money, Levi. And it meant nothing, because you know what happens when I get sick? People tell me to get over it. I’m supposed to be happy-go-lucky. It’s the one thing Icanbe after ... after everything. This ruins me every fucking time.”
“It doesn’t ruin you.”
“Yes, it does. Do you know how much debt I have because of nights like tonight? I have over ten grand in medical bills because of what insurance didn’t cover. My parents were obligated to pay for anything before I turned eighteen—and I still never hear the end of that—but anything from eighteen until now? All mine. And even after ten years of paying it down, I’ve barely made a dent.”
And that was the truth, the one I didn’t want anyone to know. That I was a burden, even when I didn’t want to be.
My eyes fell to the floor. I felt terrible. There were things I wanted to do today. ThingsLeviwanted to do too. And as usual, it all fell apart because I didn’t want him to know about my condition. I wanted him to think I was fine.
And it blew up in my face.
“Let me get something straight”—his voice was barely controlled— “your family saw you like that and they complained about having to pay for you to feel better? And then let the bills pile up on you the second they could? And then offered you a job barely over the poverty level?”
“They would have offered more if I hadn’t gone to school for English.”
“What?Amy, stop. Just fucking listen to me for a second. Yes, you can’t control if you have a chronic disease, but it makes you no less of a person.”
I swiped at my face, trying to will away the tears gathering in my eyes. “They’re a burden. One I can’t get away from. One that you’remadat.”
Levi’s head jerked toward me, his brow pulling low. He opened his mouth to speak, but my heart skipped a beat and I talked over him.
“I’ll go lay down and get more rest,” I offered. “I’ll take my medicine every day and you won’t be bothered again.”
I turned to go to my room. By the time I came out again, I would be fine and this would all be a memory.
But his hand latched onto my wrist.
“Do you really think I’m mad because you’re a burden, Amy?” His voice was dangerously low.
“Is there any other reason you’d be mad?”