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Who am I kidding? I’m scared shitless. Scared of what the results will be. Deep down, I know the outcome and am absolutely terrified of what that will mean for my life and for Leo’s. I have to prepare myself for Leo to go into fight-or-flight mode.
Will he fight for us or get as far away from me as his skates will take him? Hell, I don’t know what I would do if I were him. Am I even worth fighting for?
I had a pregnancy scare once before, in high school with Tanner. I remember sitting on his bed with him. A hockey puck in his hand and a pregnancy test in mine. Both of us waited with a breath we were scared to release. Breathing made it too real, too raw, and if we failed the biggest test of our lives, everything was going to change.
It was negative, but what I remember most was he was there for me. I never had any apprehensions about telling him I was late. We were comfortable around each other. And it wasn’t that I didn’t feel comfortable around Leo. It’s that my relationship with Tanner ended badly. He cheated on me with a girl who was supposed to be my friend, and somewhere along the lines, I stopped trusting people.
How will I tell Leo? Would he hold me while I took the test?
Probably not because one, I don’t plan to take the test with him present. And he’d freak out.
So, the moral of all this: I need to take that damn test and see for myself if I really am pregnant. Leave it to me to wait until I leave for vacation before I build up the courage to find out whether I’d be flying solo or flying with a passenger to paradise.
* * *
After a few hours of sleep,I get up the next morning, drink half a gallon of orange juice, and then stare at the test. Here I sit, naked, on the toilet, peeing on a stick for the second time in my life. I set it aside, shower, and decide I won’t look until I’m ready to leave for the airport. That way, I can still focus and remember everything I need to take with me. Luckily I packed last night, so this morning is just a few last-minute items stuffed into my bag, like my iPad and chargers. I set the test on the edge of the bathroom sink, eat some breakfast, throw that up, and then stand by the front door with my two bags and purse in hand. I look back over my shoulder in the direction of the bathroom, knowing I need to look before I leave. I won’t be able to drink if that test has a plus sign. Not that I want to drink right now, but—
Stop being a pussy!
With hesitant steps, the heels of my boots thumping against the hardwood floors of my apartment, I walk into the bathroom. I stand in the doorway, peering over at the test, afraid to pick it up, instead getting on my tippytoes and scrunching my eyes to see if I can decipher what it says by looking at it rather than touching it. Like it’s contagious or something.
Only with the angle of my body, I lose my footing on the tile floor of the bathroom and land on my ass. In the process, with arms flailing trying to keep from falling, my hand catches the edge of the sink, and the test falls on the floor beside me.
Bam. There it is. Reality.
“Of all the fucking luck!”
* * *
I meeteveryone at the airport. I was originally supposed to ride with Evan and Ami, but I lied and said I was running late when I found out Leo was going to ride with them since Remy wouldn’t make it until tomorrow. I was running late, so I technically didn’t lie. I spent an hour on my bathroom floor, crying. That made me late.
I’m not good at keeping secrets or lying. Two traits I never mastered. So imagine what it’s like when I finally see Leo at the airport. I want to blurt out so many times, you fucking bastard! How could you?
But really, it isn’t his fault. I told him not to use a condom. He’s going to think I tricked him into this.
Waiting for our flight to board, I stare straight ahead, refusing to look at him when we’re at the ticket booth checking bags. I glance up to see him trying to get my attention. It never fails with him. The less I pay attention, the more he tries.
“Are you going to ignore me for four days?” Leo asks, bumping into my shoulder with his as we move from the ticket line to security.
“I might.”
He gives me a humorous snort. “It won’t be easy.”
I have no doubt that it will be hard. Especially now because he seems to take that “I might” remark as a challenge. Never challenge Leo Orting.
As we walk through the lines, one foot at a time, pausing for what seems like excruciatingly long hours, Evan keeps his arm around Ami. Leo stares straight ahead, occasionally looking back at me, while I hold my bag close to my side. No way do I want anyone to see what’s inside. Yep. I brought the test with me. And I have no idea why. I tucked it inside a sock, afraid to leave it alone in my apartment.
Ami stops me, hanging back from the boys. “Did you take it?” she whispers.
“Yeah.”
Eager to know, her eyes widen. “And?”
“Hello, Auntie,” I whisper, but then slap my hand over her mouth before she lets out the scream I know is coming. “Don’t you dare say a motherfucking word!”
We make it to the security checkpoint, me nervous as hell and Ami smiling so wide I think her face is going to stay like that. I haven’t seen her this happy since the day she and Evan had sex for the first time.
Taking off my boots, I place them in the bin, along with my belt, purse, and phone. I watch Leo, who’s in front of me, lift his arms when he goes through the metal detector, a small sliver of his skin showing.