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It’s the first time she’s seen me cry. What does she think of me?
Does she see me differently?
Does she see how much I love her as I stare at her over Jillian’s shoulder?
Our time here is so incredibly precious. I know I’ve wasted more time in not telling Callie what I want, and watching this family in front of me slowly crumble makes me realize I can’t waste another minute of my time with my girl.
“Thank you for everything you did for her,” Jillian tells me, letting go of me and holding on to Heath. They look broken. Completely fucking devastated and broken.
I blink back tears. “It was my pleasure. I enjoyed every minute I spent with her.”
I spend a good amount of time with them, and they even want to see pictures of Caleb. While I hesitate to show them, fearing it will cause more pain for them, they gush over his cuteness and ask to meet him someday.
“I’d love that,” I tell them. “And please let me know about the funeral. My family and I would like to attend if that’s okay.”
Jillian hugs me again. “You’re family to us now too, Leo. We wouldn’t have it any other way.”
I let go of Jillian as she hugs Callie too. They’ve never met before, but she welcomes her as though she’s known her this entire time.
When we get to the car, the full reality of it hits me like a ton of bricks.
“I wanted you to meet her so you could see that I… see why I….” I can’t finish my words. Emotion rushes through me, and I reach for Callie, pulling her into a tight hug. Despite wanting to hold it together, tears fall down my cheeks thinking of the little girl who stole my heart before I even knew kids could do that to you.
“I know why.” She nods, almost frantic as she tries to comfort me. “You don’t have to explain.”
She breathes through her own tears, her arms locked around my shoulders. I want to tell her I love her, not waste another minute, but I can’t. It doesn’t seem right saying it now. Like I’m saying it out of fear of losing her and not because I really mean it.
CHAPTER28
GOAL
CALLIE
When the puck goes over the goal line.
People don’t change.
This time last year, I would have told you people don’t change.
Babies change you, though.
In ways you’d never expect. Most of it’s from lack of sleep, but there’s love too. This unconditional love that nothing touches. They can cry all night long, shit on you, throw up, pee on you… doesn’t matter. When they smile, you forget all that.
I had no idea I could love someone who shit on me and cried nonstop until I held Caleb for the first time.
Leo’s changed too. I saw it when I witnessed him holding Caleb for the first time and then again when I saw him at the hospital this morning, holding Jillian.
What hasn’t changed is my being afraid to admit my feelings to him. I’m not even sure why I haven’t told him I love him. As I sat in the car with him after we left the hospital, I wanted to say it.
It’s three little words, but then again, they aren’t little by any means. They’re life-changing words. Once you say them, there’s no taking them back. Not that I would want to, but I’m not sure how Leo will react to them.
But still, I need to say them and soon… before I burst. He needs to know I’m here for good.
* * *
I’m notsure how Leo is going to be able to concentrate tonight after Ryland passing away. He has a game tonight, so as soon as we get back to the condo, he leaves with Mase for his morning skate. Around ten, Ami comes over with coffee.
I know right away when I open the door she needs someone to talk to. She has that look, the one where she chews on her lip. After this morning, I’m looking forward to anything but talking about a child’s life cut too short.