Page 6 of Winter Nights at the Bay Bookshop

LILY

While Dad was out for lunch, a flustered-looking man, probably in his early twenties, burst through the door and uttered a two-word question.

‘Pregnancy books?’

‘Go up the stairs to level five and you’ll find a selection to the right of the window. My colleague Cassie’s up there so give her a shout if you need any help or advice.’

He thanked me and took the staircase two steps at a time, returning shortly after with Your Panic-Free Pregnancy – the most popular pregnancy book we carried.

‘Great choice,’ I said, scanning it at the till. ‘It’s really user-friendly.’

‘Your colleague recommended it.’

‘I thought she would. She has two young children and she found it exceptionally helpful when she was expecting. There’s another one in the series that guides parents through the first five years. Cassie swears by that one too.’

‘I’ll probably be back for that once the baby arrives.

We haven’t a clue what we’re doing. Bit of a surprise pregnancy.

’ His cheeks reddened, as though he was embarrassed to have shared that with a stranger.

‘But a good surprise,’ he added, holding his phone against the terminal to make the payment.

‘ The unexpected things in life are often the best ,’ I said, handing him the book and his receipt. ‘All the best with the baby.’

I smiled to myself after he’d gone. Had I really just quoted my mum for the second time in the space of two days?

I’d also been a surprise pregnancy. Mum had been twenty-one and just finishing her degree.

She’d felt tired and nauseous throughout her finals and had assumed it was from a combination of exam stress and late nights revising.

Several days after her last exam, she wasn’t feeling any better so she went to the campus doctor who asked her if she could be pregnant.

The possibility had never entered her head but, as soon as the doctor posed the question, she knew the test was going to be positive.

Her boyfriend, Justin, took the news really well, saying it’s earlier than planned, but who likes plans anyway?

They’d been together for two years at that point, both had jobs lined up in Mum’s home city of York for after the summer – Mum teaching A level English literature – and had planned to get established in their careers before getting married and starting a family.

It turned out that Justin did like to stick with plans after all because he wasn’t happy when Mum suggested cancelling their summer of interrailing around Europe.

He couldn’t see why pregnancy should be a problem, brushing aside Mum’s concerns that lugging a heavy backpack around and sleeping on trains and in hostels might not be ideal in her condition.

After several heated arguments, Justin finally came round to her point of view and agreed to change their plans.

Mum assumed he’d book a relaxing beach holiday but, instead, he transferred her interrailing tickets into a friend’s name.

He claimed he needed to get the travel bug out of his system and assured Mum that he’d fully embrace being a father-to-be once he was back.

She wasn’t sure she believed him but hoped he’d prove her wrong.

He didn’t. A summer of interrailing turned into a year of travelling.

He let down his new employer by giving up his job as well as letting down Mum and me by not being around – something which became a recurring pattern.

Mum didn’t think it was right or fair to only teach for a term and a half before going on maternity leave so she withdrew from her job too and felt terrible about it.

Fortunately her parents – my Granny Nora and Granddad Maurice – were incredibly supportive and agreed to look after me so Mum could start teaching the following September.

There weren’t any positions available for an English A level teacher in York or the immediate area but there was one in Whitsborough Bay.

Granny Nora and Granddad Maurice had always planned to retire to the coast so they brought that forward, allowing Mum to pursue the career she’d trained for and provide for me – essential given that no financial support ever came from Justin.

After settling in Whitsborough Bay, Mum became a regular visitor to Bay Books and soon befriended Marcus, bonding over their shared love of literature.

They became good friends quickly, meeting up on Marcus’s days off during the school holidays.

When I was two, they went Christmas shopping together, found themselves under some mistletoe and joked they’d better kiss.

Neither of them had felt any romantic attraction until that point but that one kiss unexpectedly changed everything.

Within a year, they’d married and bought their first home together.

Marcus was therefore my stepdad but I’d always called him ‘Dad’ because that’s what he was to me – the best dad I could ever have wished for.

When I was six, Kadence was born and Hendrix came along four years later, at which point we moved to Everdene.

One of the many things I loved about my dad was that he’d always treated the three of us equally.

As far as he was concerned, I was as much his child as Kadence and Hendrix. Biology didn’t matter.

Kadence, now twenty-eight, was a paediatrician at York Teaching Hospital, living in a trendy apartment in central York with her surgeon husband, Cory.

Hendrix was twenty-four and an air traffic controller at Leeds Bradford Airport.

He lived in Leeds with his long-term girlfriend, Daisy, who was a brilliant chef.

I was therefore the only one who’d stayed in Whitsborough Bay.

Even though our jobs meant we didn’t get to see each other as often as we’d like, Kadence, Hendrix and I had remained really close.

As for Justin, he drifted in and out of my life and I stupidly let him.

The last time I’d heard from him was six months ago, the day before the worst birthday ever.

Wes had been due back from Dubai for a week’s holiday but, as his parents, extended family and some friends were in Manchester, we’d agreed to spend the week there.

Justin was working in Manchester at the time so it seemed the perfect opportunity to celebrate my birthday with him for the first time ever while also introducing him to Wes.

Except my phone had buzzed with a WhatsApp notification before I left for my train on the Friday afternoon.

From Justin

Sorry, kiddo, double-booked tomorrow. Can’t meet you now. In touch soon

I hated him calling me ‘kiddo’. It might have been cute once when I actually was a kid but it wasn’t anymore.

I hadn’t appreciated the short notice of the cancellation, but what really hurt was that he hadn’t even acknowledged my birthday.

It shouldn’t have got to me because I’d never received a birthday gift from him and the only occasions I’d ever received a card were if he happened to have a girlfriend at the time who took control of things like that.

I clicked into that last message now and sighed.

To be fair to him, the absence of a happy birthday message had hurt so much more this year because of Wes and I splitting up on my birthday.

That had been nothing to do with Justin and I’d perhaps been unfairly holding it against him as I wouldn’t normally have let six months pass without making contact.

But as I stared at my phone, I realised I had nothing to say to him, so I closed WhatsApp down and put my phone away.

‘You look fed up,’ Cassie said, joining me at the till.

‘I was just thinking about Justin. He hasn’t been in touch since he cancelled on me in March and I was wondering why I bother trying with him.’

‘Beats me. I know it’s harder to cut someone out of your life when they’re family, but when that person is never there for you, is it really such a big deal?’

Cassie hadn’t had anything to do with her biological father for years.

He’d left when she was eight and, just like Justin, had dipped in and out of her life.

He only lived a few miles down the coast in Fellingthorpe so it wasn’t like he could use Justin’s often-made excuse of living and working hours away.

When Cassie found out that she and her partner Jared were expecting Hallie, now six years old, she wasn’t sure she even wanted to tell her dad but she decided to give him one more chance.

His response to the news had been you needn’t think I’m babysitting , which had told Cassie exactly what she meant to him and she hadn’t bothered with him since.

‘I know, but…’ I tailed off, shrugging.

‘Sack him off,’ she said. ‘You’ll feel so much better for it.’