Page 16 of Winter Nights at the Bay Bookshop

LARS

My stomach was in knots as I walked from the car park towards Castle Street for my interview at Bay Books.

With setting up My Study Hub at seventeen and being my own boss ever since, I’d never had a formal job interview in my whole life.

I’d been an interviewer, of course, while I carefully selected the right people for my team as the business expanded, but it was going to be strange being on the other side of the table. Opposite Lily.

I’d meant it about not applying for the job at Bay Books but Danika had appointed herself as my careers advisor and messaged me each day asking if I’d submitted my CV or even if I needed help putting a CV together – something else I didn’t have because I’d never needed one.

After a few days of fobbing her off, she’d FaceTimed me.

‘This job is perfect for you and we both know it. What’s stopping you applying, because I know there’s something you’re not telling me?’

So I told her about how much of an idiot I’d been at school and how there was no way Lily Appleton would have forgotten the cruel way in which I cast aside our friendship.

‘School was a long time ago, Lars,’ she said. ‘Are you still that idiot?’

‘God, no!’

‘Are you sorry for what you did?’

‘Very.’

‘Then apply for the job. Worst-case scenario is she remembers, she’s still hurt and you don’t get an interview. What have you lost?’

‘My dignity,’ I joked.

When Danika raised her eyebrows at me, I shook my head. ‘Okay, I’ll have lost nothing.’

‘So write that CV and get submitting.’

Which is exactly what I did, although admittedly only the evening before the closing date.

I’m not sure if I’d have even done that if Danika hadn’t driven round to Fountain Street and stood over me.

I genuinely didn’t expect to get shortlisted and had assumed the email which arrived from Bay Books would be a rejection, a thrill running through me when it wasn’t.

The email explained that interviews needed to be on an evening after the shop had closed and would be with the co-owners Marcus and Lily.

As soon as he opened the door, I recognised Marcus – tall and slim with a friendly face, the only change being that his dark hair was now greying round the temples – and experienced a momentary flashback to my childhood, handing over the books I’d chosen at the till and having him tell me what great choices I’d made.

‘Thanks for meeting us after hours, Lars,’ he said as he shook my hand. ‘We’re through the back in the children’s section.’

The lights in the main part of the shop were on low and I glanced around me, a feeling of being home consuming me as it always did whenever I was in a bookshop or library.

I hadn’t been in here for over twenty years but there was a familiarity about the place which had practically been a second home for me growing up.

Until it became a place to avoid because of how I’d treated Lily.

I followed Marcus to the rear of the shop and it was like stepping back in time.

The shelves were arranged just as I remembered them and there were still colourful tub chairs dotted around the room.

Marcus said something but I didn’t catch it, a memory overwhelming me of crouching in front of the shelves beside my four-year-old sister.

Pia had loved coming here and I’d loved being here with her, seeing her eyes sparkle as she scanned the shelves, ran her fingers along the colourful spines and carefully eased out a book which called to her.

‘Are you okay?’ Marcus asked.

Swallowing hard on the lump in my throat, I nodded. ‘Sudden childhood memory being back here.’

He smiled and indicated that I should sit down in one of the tub chairs. There were two folding chairs set up opposite it, each with a clipboard and pen on them, and a low table to one side.

‘It’s not very formal but we prefer to conduct interviews surrounded by books rather than downstairs in the staffroom,’ Marcus said. ‘Lily will be along in… Ah! That’s her now.’

I heard the door closing.

‘Sorry, Dad,’ a woman called. ‘There was a huge queue.’

‘Our candidate’s here,’ Marcus called back.

Lily appeared holding several bottles of water. My stomach started spinning as she placed them on the table then straightened up and looked at me.

‘I believe you already know my daughter, Lily,’ Marcus said and my nerves cracked up another notch. So she definitely remembered me and her dad knew who I was too.

‘It’s been a long time since we were at school together,’ Lily said, proffering her hand.

I rose and shook her hand, noting how cold it was from carrying the chilled bottles.

Her grip was firm and I wouldn’t have blamed her if she’d given my hand a hard squeeze – it would have been no less than I deserved.

I searched her face for signs of animosity.

She wasn’t smiling at me, but she wasn’t scowling either.

As she’d brought up the subject of school, it was probably best to address that straight off.

‘Yes, it is,’ I said, settling back into my chair. ‘So much has changed since then. I’ve changed, thankfully.’

If I’d been meeting Lily on her own, it would have been an appropriate moment to spill out a heartfelt apology but I didn’t feel I could in front of her dad.

I wasn’t bothered about making a fool of myself but I didn’t know what sort of relationship he and Lily had and how much about her school days she’d shared with him, so I hoped this was enough for now.

‘Pleased to hear it,’ Lily said. ‘So, let’s get started. We thought we’d tell you a bit about the bookshop and why we’re advertising a short-term contract before we go through the questions. Sound okay?’

‘Sounds great. Thank you.’

Between them, Lily and Marcus briefly outlined the history of the bookshop, the range of books, the events they held and their values, concluding that the contract was to cover for Marcus who was about to have a double knee replacement operation.

They were both so animated as they spoke, the love they had for the shop and their passion for the written word coming across in spades.

They viewed Bay Books as an essential part of the community and I loved the initiatives they’d introduced to try and engage with readers from various ages and backgrounds.

I remembered liking Marcus when I was a kid and that warmth he exuded was still present, but it was Lily who stole my attention.

If I was asked to summarise in five words the Lily I remembered from school, I’d probably have said quiet, polite, studious, kind and sensitive which made me want to hang my head in shame.

She’d never done anything wrong and I’d been horrible to her.

Now I still recognised the young girl from school but the five words which sprang to mind were strong, confident, engaging, passionate and inspirational.

I wasn’t the only one who’d changed since school.

Lily looked different too. She still had long dark hair but it had some lighter streaks in it which really suited her.

I remembered her hair being somewhat frizzy but it was now curly.

Her long eyelashes accentuated her soft brown eyes.

I’d always thought that Lily had a pretty face but now she was beautiful and I kept having to remind myself to look at Marcus too instead of giving all my attention to my former nemesis.

No, that wasn’t true. Lily had never been my nemesis.

She’d only ever offered friendship and had never been unkind to me, even though I’d given her plenty of cause to be.

‘Any questions so far?’ Marcus asked, drawing my attention back to him.

‘No, it’s a great bookshop and everything you’ve done with it sounds really impressive.

I used to come here loads when I was a kid.

’ My voice caught in my throat as another memory snuck up on me of being here with Pia one Christmas.

There’d been a shelving unit in the shape of a Christmas tree and it had a special name – the Bookmas tree.

I glanced over to where it had been, picturing Pia slowly circling it, beside herself with excitement at all the festive reads tempting her.

‘But you’ve never been in as an adult?’ Lily asked, drawing my gaze back to her. Her tone was light, but the words felt like a challenge.

‘I set up my business at seventeen and worked seven days a week for years so I rarely made it into town. I’ve ordered from you online, though. I like to support local businesses where I can.’

‘We really appreciate that,’ Marcus said, smiling at me.

‘Now that we’ve told you all about the shop, let’s move onto the questions for you.

Please will you briefly walk us through your career so far, particularly highlighting the skills and experiences which you think make you a good candidate for this role. ’

* * *

‘It went well,’ I told Danika over the phone as I walked back to the car. ‘Or at least I think it did.’

‘How was Lily with you?’

‘Better than I deserved. I hope how much I’ve changed since school came across, but we’ll just have to see. Even if I don’t get the job, I’m glad you talked me into applying.’

‘Do you want the job?’

‘I really want the job,’ I admitted.

‘Then I’m keeping everything crossed for you. When will you hear?’

‘They were interviewing their final candidate after me so they said they should be in touch in the next couple of days.’

‘Okay. Let me know when you hear back. Don’t be discouraged if it’s a no, but I’ve got a feeling it won’t be.’

I’d reached my car so we ended the call and I set off back to Fountain Street.

I’d surprised myself by how badly I wanted the job.

It wasn’t because I loved the shop itself, the pleasure of being surrounded by books every day, the events held at Bay Books or their values, good as all of those things were.

It was because of the flood of happy memories.

Sitting in the children’s section just now, I’d felt so close to my sister and, while it had been emotional, it had brought me an incredible sense of peace.

And there was another reason I wanted to work there – Lily.

I pictured how her eyes sparkled as she spoke about the shop, the way her curls framed her heart-shaped face.

I could still feel the trace of her cold hand in mine, hear her lilting laughter.

Even though I’d noticed changes in her, I’d still recognised the young girl I’d met after Mum and Pabbi declared Pia too ill to visit Bay Books anymore, the young girl who’d filled that void my sister’s absence created with her exuberant chatter about the books she’d read, the girl I’d desperately hoped would be helping her dad out every time I visited.

I kicked at a stone on the pavement, frustrated with myself that I’d pushed her away.

It had never entered my head that she could be at Laurendale School.

We’d always been so engrossed in our bookish conversations that we hadn’t spoken about where we lived or went to school so her presence that first day had completely thrown me.

How often over the years had I wished I could take back everything I’d said and done?

Although, at the time, I’m not sure I’d been capable of reacting differently.

Reaching my car, I sank into the driver’s seat, ashamed by my foolish younger self and cursing the present-day me for not apologising to Lily.

I couldn’t imagine she’d want to work with me.

I felt as though the interview had gone well but was it enough to overcome the past?

All I could do was hope because I knew that I’d miss her if I didn’t see her again, that I’d feel some kind of emptiness inside, that my life would be incomplete.

Because that was how I’d felt since the day I told her I didn’t need any friends.

The day I rejected her before she could abandon me like everyone else in my life had.