Page 15 of Winter Nights at the Bay Bookshop

LILY

‘You’ve got to be kidding me!’ I cried.

Cassie looked up from checking off the Friday morning delivery. ‘What’s up?’

‘You’ll never guess who’s applied for the job. Lars Jóhannsson.’

‘Lars the Arse? No way!’

‘Well, he’s going straight into the rapidly growing rejection pile,’ I said, giving an involuntary shudder.

‘What’s he been up to since school? Let me see.’ Cassie joined me behind the till and scanned down Lars’s CV. ‘Wow! Look at all those awards! Impressive. Doesn’t surprise me, though. He always was super bright.’

‘But, as you say, an absolute arse.’

Suddenly I was back at Laurendale School on my very first day, feeling lost and lonely without any friends.

During the morning break, I went in search of somewhere to hide with my book.

Rounding the back of the sports hall, my stomach sank when I spotted somebody had beaten me to it.

A young lad with spiky blond hair was leaning against the wall, his head buried in a copy of Lemony Snicket’s The Vile Village .

I took a step closer and my heart leapt as I recognised him as a friend from Bay Books.

Although I was too young to officially be on the shop’s payroll, I often helped out during the school holidays and the occasional Saturday.

Each time I’d seen him, we’d chatted about our favourite books and exchanged recommendations.

‘Lars?’ I said, excitement flowing through me that I might have a friend at my new school after all.

He looked up and I expected him to smile at me, but his expression was blank. ‘I’m reading.’

He looked back down at his book and continued reading. I stared at him, stunned by his uninterest. This wasn’t the Lars I knew from the bookshop. He loved discussing books with me. And then a thought struck me. The uniform. The plaits. He was used to seeing me in casual clothes with my hair down.

‘It’s me! Lily from Bay Books.’

He raised his head once more and I expected a smile and an apology for not recognising me, but his expression remained blank. ‘I came here to get away from everyone.’

‘Me too.’ I fished Anne of Green Gables out of my bag to show him that we were of the same mind. ‘I’m so relieved to see you here.’

‘Why?’

‘My best friend ditched me for this awful girl who picks on me and I don’t know anyone else but at least I’ve got one friend now.’

Lars closed his book with a sigh. ‘We’re not friends, Lily.’

‘I know we don’t know each other very well, but we both love books and I thought?—’

‘We’re not friends,’ he repeated with emphasis. ‘The only friends I need are between the pages of books. Leave me alone.’

And he walked away without looking back.

I sank against the wall, clutching my book to my chest, tears pooling in my eyes before they broke free and tracked down my cheeks.

What was wrong with me? Why did nobody want to be my friend?

Jordan had ditched me because of my love of books but if somebody with that shared passion didn’t even want to be friends with me, what hope was there?

‘He might have changed,’ Cassie suggested, pulling me back to the present day. ‘School was a long time ago.’

‘I’d like to think he has, but…’ I closed my eyes tightly and released a frustrated squeal, that painfully familiar feeling of rejection stabbing at me.

‘It was his loss and my gain.’ Cassie stroked my arm. ‘School-day traumas aside, at least you know he hasn’t lied on his CV about his passion for books.’

The number of applicants we’d had over the years who pretended to love books never ceased to amaze me.

I opened my eyes and looked at the computer screen once more.

On paper, Lars was the perfect candidate.

He was volunteering at one of the village libraries, had customer service experience from running his own business and was clearly organised.

His technical skills were through the roof so he’d have no problems learning our system and, while being completely over-qualified for the role, he’d explained that it would be the perfect length contract for him while he decided on his next career move.

‘Do you have many other choices?’ Cassie asked.

‘Nobody nearly as strong. But he’s over-qualified. He’s run his own business for seventeen years. What if he tries to take over and tell me how to run mine?’

‘I doubt he’d do that and, if he did, you’re the boss and you’d find the words to put him back in his box. You could always discuss it at the interview – nip it in the bud straightaway.’

I rested my elbows on the desk and sank my head into my hands. ‘What if he’s awful to me again?’

‘Then he doesn’t get the job and you never have to cross paths with him again,’ Cassie said, gently. ‘But if you don’t interview him, I think you’re cutting off your nose to spite your face. He’s a strong candidate and you know it.’

I raised my head. ‘You’re right.’

‘And if you think working with him might be bearable and you offer him the job and then discover he’s still the twerp he was at school, you sack him off. Failed probation. Gone. Easy peasy.’

‘Lemon squeezy.’

‘Gherkin scones will make you queasy.’

‘Where on earth did that come from?’ I asked, smiling at her.

‘No idea, but it restored your smile so my work here is done. Now do some work, Little Miss Perfect .’ She winked at me and I shook my head at her.

‘If he calls me that again, it’s game over.’

‘I dunno. Could finally be your chance to find out what he meant by it.’

‘After all these years, I’m not convinced I want to find out.’

‘You do. Because it’s been bugging you for over two decades. If you do take him on, I guarantee you’ll ask him to explain himself one day.’

I smiled again. ‘I probably will and it had better be a damn good explanation.’

While Cassie restocked the cookery books upstairs, my thoughts drifted back to that first day at school. When break ended, I’d returned to our classroom with a heavy heart, trying not to let my imagination drift into five lonely years ahead of me.

I looked up, astonished, as a pretty girl with long blonde hair slipped into the seat beside me and smiled. ‘We’ve moved house and I don’t know anyone at this school, but I’ve decided you and I are going to be friends.’

It was such a contrast to the confrontation with Lars that I couldn’t help feeling suspicious. Was this a wind-up?

‘Why?’ I asked.

‘ Which would you rather be if you had the choice – divinely beautiful or dazzlingly clever or angelically good? ’

My heart leapt as I recognised the quote and she opened up her bag, revealing a dog-eared copy of Anne of Avonlea – the second book in the series.

‘I spotted you with book one earlier,’ she said. ‘Have you read them all?’

‘Several times.’

‘Me too. My all-time favourite book is Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland , but this series is a close second. I’m Cassie and it would be dazzlingly clever , I think.’

‘Lily, and same here although divinely beautiful would be nice and…’

The teacher entered the classroom, drawing the conversation to a close, but Cassie gave me the warmest smile and I felt positive for the first time in weeks.

Anne Shirley said she and Diana Barry were kindred spirits and, over the weeks that followed, I realised I’d found my own kindred spirit in Cassie Hynde.

Or, rather, she’d found me thanks to her spotting me sitting all alone on a wall reading Anne of Green Gables after Lars Jóhannsson so cruelly rejected my offer of friendship.

I wasn’t in any classes with Jordan or Rhianna but, if we crossed paths during breaks or lunchtime, the pair of them couldn’t resist making snide comments.

I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt, but I was largely able to brush it off, especially with Cassie by my side.

What was harder to brush off was Lars’s rejection, especially when I had so many classes with him.

Even though we’d only ever talked about books together, I’d genuinely believed we were friends and it hurt that not only had he not felt the same but that he no longer wanted anything to do with me.

I had to be a glutton for punishment because I tried on several other occasions to connect with Lars.

I refused to accept there hadn’t been a bond between us and, having seen him so at ease in Bay Books, I was convinced it was the school environment which was holding him back.

I also felt sorry for him. He was half-English, half-Icelandic and sometimes spoke in a mixture of both languages.

I never knew whether he did it unconsciously or deliberately but it drew the attention of the bullies and the impatience of several teachers.

I couldn’t bear to see anyone being bullied, especially as I knew how it felt to be on the receiving end.

Towards the end of the first term, I suggested to Cassie that we sit with Lars at lunchtime and offer our friendship.

But he threw it back in our faces, barely acknowledged Cassie and had a go at me for thinking I was perfect .

My appearance at the time was anything but perfect and, while my academic record was good, his was better so I couldn’t make sense of what he was on about.

Next thing I knew, he’d christened me Little Miss Perfect , as though I was a character from a Roger Hargreaves book.

Fortunately, he didn’t have the friendships or influence for my nonsense nickname to catch on.

After that, I stopped trying to salvage the friendship I thought we’d had and steered clear of him but that wasn’t always possible as sometimes teachers partnered us up to work together.

I hated the tension between us when that happened and, when I was fifteen, I’d had enough.

I demanded he tell me what his problem was with me, especially when I’d never behaved unreasonably towards him and was never going to.

I’d expected a retort along the lines of, of course not because you’re Little Miss Perfect , but he looked shocked and suggested we get on with our assignment in silence instead.

We weren’t partnered up after that so I never found out whether my outburst had any impact.

At sixth form, Lars and I had no A levels in common and, although I spotted him occasionally, we never spoke again and it made me sad because I missed the young boy I knew from the shop and couldn’t help feeling that he was still in there somewhere and perhaps I should have tried harder to find him, but how could I?

How does anyone find the courage to keep pushing at a door that’s repeatedly slammed in their face?

It was a bit of a theme for me. If someone pushed me away, I didn’t fight for them.

I hadn’t done it with Jordan or Lars. I hadn’t done it with Ewan or Wes either.

But I had fought for Justin. My biological father had repeatedly pushed me away and let me down and I kept going back for more.

It made no sense to me, especially when he was the one who, out of all of them, had added the least to my life.

I glanced back at Lars’s CV. We needed the staff and he was by far the best applicant for the job. And, in all honesty, I was curious. What sort of man had the boy who’d rejected me grown into?