Page 43 of Winter Nights at the Bay Bookshop

LILY

I was kissing Lars and, oh my word, it was incredible.

First kisses could be a little awkward but it was as though Lars and I had been made to fit together.

Perhaps it was because I’d been dreaming about it for so long.

Our first kiss was electric, passionate, knee-weakening and this one was all those things still but somehow more tender and emotional.

I never wanted it to end, but this wasn’t getting the tree decorated or the window display arranged and it was with reluctance that I pulled apart.

‘We need to…’

‘Finish the tree,’ Lars said, pressing his forehead against mine. ‘I know.’

‘But there’s nothing to say we can’t celebrate emptying each box.’

He kissed me softly and we walked hand in hand back through to the front and resumed our work with the character decorations.

‘What made you so eager to tell me everything?’ I asked.

‘Because I liked you more every day and I was hoping what just happened between us would happen. I wanted you to know everything before it did in case it put you off me. It would have felt wrong to kiss you then tell you.’

‘It hasn’t put me off you at all. It’s made me like you even more. As I said, I used to think there was something vulnerable about you and now I know why. I’m so sorry for everything your parents have put you through. Are you in touch with them at all now?’

‘I don’t really get on with Pabbi – long story for another time – but I’m close to his new wife.

I say new but they got married when I was eighteen.

’ He told me about his stepmum and half-siblings.

‘As for my mum, she travels the world doing street photography and barely finds the time to check in with Nanna or me.’

I stared at him, the cogs whirring in my mind. ‘Hang on a sec. Your mum’s Jay Jóhannsson! I can’t believe I didn’t make the connection. We stock her books.’

‘I noticed.’

‘Why didn’t you say anything?’

‘Because it would have led to questions about her which aren’t easily answered.

We can talk about my mum another time too and I’m all ears if you want to talk about Justin.

To answer your original question about my confession, I wanted to tell you from the start but I was okay with you wanting to draw that line in the sand.

Then when you told me about Marcus being your stepdad and Justin always letting you down, I realised that you might have an amazing, caring family but your life hasn’t been without its challenges. ’

‘And the Justin ones continue,’ I said, rolling my eyes at Lars. ‘He messaged me yesterday, had a go at me for not being in touch for months, and sent a shouty capitals message when I didn’t reply quickly enough for him.’

‘Wow! How old is he?’

‘Exactly. We’re talking proper moody teenager strop so I told him what I thought about that and, to be fair to him, he apologised in his next message. He wanted to see me tonight but I told him I had plans and it’d have to be tomorrow so that’s something to look forward to.’

‘What does he want?’

‘No idea. He’s never the one who initiates contact so this is uncharted territory.’ I sighed. ‘I will take you up on that offer to talk about him and I’d love to hear about your parents but how about we talk about something nice tonight instead?’

‘You’re on! Do you have a favourite restaurant in the area?’

I pondered for a moment. ‘Salt & Pepper Lodge, Le Bistro, The White Horse in Little Sandby spring to mind. Why?’

‘Because I’d like to take you out for tea this week at one of your favourite restaurants.’

My heart leapt. ‘I’d love that. It doesn’t have to be one of those if you’ve got a favourite. My only no-no is those really posh places that serve tiny portions. I like to know my tummy isn’t going to be rumbling an hour after I’ve dined.’

‘Completely understand that. I haven’t been to The White Horse in ages so I’ll see if I can get us a table there. If you’re seeing Justin tomorrow night, how about Tuesday?’

‘It’s a date,’ I said, sealing it with a kiss. At last!

With our school days no longer a taboo subject, Lars and I reminisced about our time there, discussing school trips and favourite/least favourite teachers as we continued to hang the decorations.

‘Obviously you stayed best friends with Cassie,’ Lars said, ‘but are you still friends with anyone else from school?’

‘Do you remember Donna Rowe? She wasn’t in our form but I knew her from Brownies and Guides.’

‘Is she the one who shaved her head for charity?’

‘That’s her! Anyway, she’s Donna Nelson now, married to a lovely guy called Joey and they’ve just announced they’re expecting their first baby. Other than Cassie and Donna, my friendship group’s mainly the other traders on Castle Street. They’re all so lovely.’

‘Everyone I’ve met seems really friendly.’

‘They’re the best.’ I opened up the box of stationery-themed decorations.

‘Occasionally I get customers who I recognise from school and college. Some are really friendly and chat, some say hello and leave it there and others act like strangers. It’s possible they don’t recognise me but I think some do it deliberately.

What about you? I’m guessing you’re not in touch with anyone from school. ’

‘I was the weird kid who randomly spoke in Icelandic,’ he said, laughing. ‘Not exactly a friendship magnet. And, of course, I pushed away the only person I really wanted to be friends with.’

‘But she valued your friendship when she had it.’ I drew him into a tender kiss. ‘And she values it now, especially now she knows the truth. I saw you too, Lars. I always knew there was something hurting you and I hoped one day you’d tell me what it was.’

He held me tightly and we stood there for several minutes, just holding each other, old friends finally united.

‘There were a couple of lads I hung out with at college,’ Lars said when we returned to the decorating, ‘but we didn’t stay in touch afterwards. I was too busy setting up My Study Hub.’

‘Did you make friends through work? I’m guessing it’d be harder to do that when you work from home.’

Lars paused with a vintage typewriter ornament in his hands, as though contemplating the best way to answer that.

‘I built up a fantastic team and, if you’d asked me the same question a year ago, I’d have said I was friends with them all but it turns out they were just virtual friendships.

The business was what connected us and, without that, there was no reason for us to be in touch.

Contact dipped off during the handover and I’ve heard from none of them since. ’

‘Does that make you sad?’

‘It did at first. I was in touch with some of them several times a day by message or phone and, because I knew things about them like their partner’s name, whether they had kids, where they were going on holiday, which football team they supported and so on, I mistook that for actual friendship instead of for what it really was – polite small talk. ’

He hung the typewriter up and reached for an inkwell.

‘I split up with my girlfriend, Cat, around the same time, although we’d only been together for three months.

We’d never been right for each other and it was all very amicable but I suddenly realised I had no friends, no girlfriend, no business, and I was about to lose my home too with Nanna moving into Bay View.

It hit me pretty hard. The refurb on my house was a good distraction but the last thing the builders needed was me hanging around all day every day just so I could have someone to talk to.

Volunteering at the library was a godsend and then getting the job here brought me back into a world I’ve avoided for a long time – where people exist in real life and most of them are nice to me, which is a first.’

He was smiling as he spoke, but I recognised the vulnerability and I knew it cut deeper than a lack of friends. It was about a feeling I knew all too well. Rejection. From his parents, from the kids at school, and now from his former work colleagues.

‘Was it really bad for you at school?’ I asked.

‘It could have been worse. It was never physical but the verbal stuff was constant and not just from kids in our year. It was like every single kid in school knew who I was and had an opinion about my accent or the way I looked. Hundreds knew me and not a single one wanted to be my friend.’ He rolled his eyes at me.

‘Except you and I screwed that up spectacularly.’

‘But you made up for it spectacularly too,’ I said, wrapping my arms around him. ‘You can make up for it again if you like.’

‘Oh, go on then!’

I melted into another of his dreamy kisses.

‘I could do this all night,’ I said when the kiss ended. ‘Just as well Gryla and the Christmas Cat didn’t find me and gobble me up.’ I couldn’t keep a straight face and barely got the last few words out for giggling.

Lars hung his head, his cheeks flushing. ‘No! I was hoping that had been a bad dream or you’d have forgotten it.’

‘Oh! I missed a bit.’

‘Don’t salute me!’ He looked up, grimacing. ‘You have. You’ve saluted me. Do you know how much willpower it took not to break into a sprint after I did that?’

‘I can guess.’

‘Please forgive me. That was… No, I can’t even begin to describe what that was. Let’s put it down to a moment of temporary insanity and never speak of it again.’

I loved that he could laugh about it. I’d never have pushed it as far as I did if it had touched a nerve.

I asked him if he’d ever seen Dirty Dancing and shared my thoughts about the scene it conjured up for me, although I didn’t admit that I’d been discussing that with Cassie. I’d confess that one later.

‘Yeah. Definitely my watermelon moment. But it worked for them. Baby and Johnny got together…’

‘And it worked for me,’ I said smiling before kissing him again.

* * *

When we’d finished decorating the tree, Lars placed a takeaway pizza order at Mario’s and made the five-minute walk to collect it while I added metal hooks to the slatted wall under the stairs.

The wall was one of several changes I’d made to the shop, specifically to hang up the Christmas decorations.

I’d chosen wood rather than metal so it would blend in and not stand out as an empty shop fitting when it wasn’t in use.

We sometimes used it for extra back-to-school stationery, special offers or new ranges but most of the time it was partially covered by a gorgeous canvas Jed Ferguson had painted of the bookshop.

I was about a third of the way through hanging the Christmas decorations on the slats when Lars returned with pizza, some serviettes and cans of soft drinks.

The delicious cheesy smell made my stomach rumble.

We ate at the counter and Lars told me that I shouldn’t feel too sorry for him for being a Billy-No-Mates as he did have one friend.

Danika sounded lovely and it seemed she’d already made a big difference to him by insisting he apply for the job here and encouraging him to open up to me about his past. I very much looked forward to meeting her at some point soon.

As we neared the end of the pizza, a loud bang on the door made us both jump. I could see the shape of someone standing outside and it looked like a man, although I couldn’t make out who due to the limited lighting.

‘Lily,’ the man shouted, banging on the door again, and my heart sank.

‘It’s Justin.’ I dropped my part-eaten slice of pizza into the box and wiped my hands on a serviette. I’d had the most amazing evening and I had a feeling the mood was about to take an enormous nosedive.