Page 48 of Winter Nights at the Bay Bookshop

LILY

The walk down the stairs to the staff room seemed to take forever.

My body felt weary, my eyes burned from the tears already shed as well as the threat of more to come and my legs were shaking so I had to grip tightly to the handrail.

Outside the staff room, I cursed under my breath for taking three attempts to punch in the four-digit code to unlock the door before sinking down onto one of the dining-table chairs.

As soon as the door closed behind me, there was no point trying to fight my emotions.

I sank my head into my hands as tears rained down my cheeks and splashed onto the wooden table.

Justin was a terrible father. He’d never shown me any affection and had repeatedly disappointed me over the years but the fact that he met up with me every so often had led me to believe that I had to mean something to him.

Clearly I didn’t or he’d have never done something so cruel.

What made it worse was that it was premeditated.

He’d spent two nights gathering what he needed – including all that dog mess – before unleashing all his anger and hate.

I’d told him he didn’t know me, but it seemed he knew one thing – how much Bay Books meant to me and how attacking my beloved bookshop would be like attacking me.

I grabbed a tissue from the box in the middle of the table and wiped my cheeks but it was fruitless because the tears kept falling and I might as well let them.

I’d never let myself cry about Justin before.

Even that awful Christmas Day holed up in a hotel room on my own, I’d refused to do it.

I’d always told myself that I knew he was unreliable and that, if I was daft enough to keep him in my life, I shouldn’t be surprised each time he let me down so there was no point in getting upset about it.

But now all the hurt and frustration came pouring out and I needed to let it.

I’d been right to cut Justin out of my life and, even though I’d hesitated about it at first, telling Sergeant Haines that it was Justin on Anne-Marie’s CCTV had also been the right thing to do.

I couldn’t allow a misguided sense of loyalty for the shared genes sway me towards leniency.

Justin needed to know he’d been seen. He needed to know that bad decisions had consequences.

And he needed to know that he could never contact me or come near me again.

I was so grateful to Lars for not pushing me into what he thought I should do and encouraging me to reach my own decision, although he’d shared afterwards that he thought I’d made the right choice.

Jeeves pinged, indicating its ascent, and I tutted to myself for not removing my coffee.

Shortly afterwards Jeeves returned and, wiping my eyes, I wandered over to retrieve my drink.

My mug of coffee was still in there but there was a takeaway cup from The Chocolate Pot and I could smell the hot chocolate inside.

A paper bag beside it contained a triple chocolate brownie, still warm, and there was a note written in small, neat cursive:

Didn’t think the coffee would cut it!

He’s not worth your tears because he’s not worthy of you.

You deserve to be surrounded by people who appreciate you and how amazing you are.

I’m here for you with whatever you need – hugs, kisses, a listening ear, distracting conversations.

Rubber gloves, a paint scraper and cringeworthy salutes come as optional extras.

Your plus-points creative in training, Lars xx

I marvelled at how, in one of my darkest moments, Lars could make me laugh. There was a notepad and a selection of pens in the staff room so I scribbled my own note and, after removing the contents from Jeeves, sent it back up.

That was the perfect delivery and exactly what I need right now.

I might pass on the rubber gloves and paint scraper but I’ll take the rest – including the salutes – as long as they come from a half-Icelandic Christmas elf who stole my teenaged heart.

Thanks, Lars. You’re my northern lights in the darkest of moments xx

After finishing my hot chocolate and brownie, I sat with damp tissues on my eyes to help alleviate the redness. My phone buzzed and my stomach lurched. What if it was Justin? But it was my brother.

From Hendrix

I’m driving back to Leeds tonight. Any chance I can meet the man who’s put the sparkle back in your eyes before I leave? Need to get one over on Kadence by meeting him first!

He’d accompanied it by several laughing emojis and I couldn’t help laughing myself.

I needed to tell Mum and Dad about Justin and tonight would be as good a time as any, perhaps after Hendrix left.

It would be useful to have Lars there for moral support as I knew how upset they’d be which, in turn, would upset me.

* * *

Lars was welcomed with open arms into the family and it was lovely to see how easily he gelled with my brother, even though I knew I’d get some stick later from Kadence because Hendrix had met Lars first. Hendrix hit the road after we’d eaten and we wished him good luck for his proposal to Daisy.

Moving into the lounge for coffee, I told Mum and Dad that I had something difficult to share with them.

‘He actually asked you for money?’ Mum cried after I’d told them about Justin’s visit on Sunday night. ‘The cheeky… Argh, that blasted man!’

I’d never seen Mum so angry before. Dad placed a calming hand on her arm and she took a deep breath. ‘I’m sorry, Lily, please continue. I’ll contain my outbursts.’

‘You might not be able to when you hear the rest…’

Mum was in tears by the time I’d brought them completely up to speed, and Dad appeared to be on the verge.

‘The air would turn blue if I shared what I’m thinking right now,’ Mum said, her voice wobbling.

‘Mum doesn’t like swearing,’ I told Lars while Mum grabbed a tissue and wiped her cheeks. ‘Being a professor of English, she believes our language is full of so many wonderful words that you don’t need to use profanities.’

‘On this occasion, they’re the only words I can think of.

’ Mum shook her head. ‘I’m so sorry, Lily.

You know I don’t have a very high opinion of Justin Mayes but I never thought he was capable of stooping so low.

Pat and Gordon must be turning in their graves right now.

How those two lovely people produced such a selfish individual…

Urgh! I can’t even…’ She took a deep breath.

‘You did the right thing by telling the police.’

‘Dad?’ I prompted.

‘I’ve no words,’ he said, his voice small. ‘And all this on top of what that woman and her kids did.’

I moved closer to him and took his hand in mine. ‘Please don’t punish yourself for not being there for either of those things. None of us could have known this would happen with Justin. And I wasn’t alone either. Lars was with me and I was safe.’

Dad gave Lars a weak smile of appreciation before turning back to me. ‘You promise me you’ll never let him worm his way back into your life?’

‘I promise.’

‘I mean it, Lily. I’ve always supported your choices when it comes to Justin because they were your choices to make, no matter how many times he broke your heart, but this has to be the end.’

‘Believe me, it is. I’ve told him I want nothing to do with him, I’ve blocked him and deleted his number. It took me longer to get there than it should have done but he’s out of my life for good.’

‘Glad to hear it.’

As I hugged him, a thought struck me. ‘You do know that seeing Justin was never about filling some sort of dad-shaped void, don’t you?’

‘Of course.’

My heart sank. The words were positive but there’d been a hesitation before he spoke them. Brief. But definitely there.

‘I’ve never had a dad-shaped void in my life.

You’re 100 per cent my dad and you’re brilliant at it.

Justin was…’ I shrugged, wondering what the rest of that sentence was.

‘Justin was just someone I thought I should have a connection to.’ I squeezed his hands.

‘I’m sorry if me being in touch with him caused you any pain. ’

‘You don’t need to apologise to me. The only one who has done anything wrong here is Justin. You and your mum deserve so much better than him.’

‘And we’ve got it. We’ve got you.’