Page 48 of When We Were Young

Emily

It’s a beautiful sunny day, and the café is quiet. My phone vibrates on the counter – Chloe’s mum is calling.

‘Hi Linda.’

‘Emily, I wanted to let you know Chloe’s in hospital.’

‘Oh my God, what’s happened?’

‘She’d been complaining of stomach pains for a couple of days – turns out she had appendicitis. She’s just had emergency surgery.’ Her voice cracks and she sobs.

‘Oh, Linda, that must have been terrifying. How’s she doing?’

Linda sniffs. ‘She’s doing okay. They’re keeping her in for the time being.’

‘Is Liv with you at the hospital or back at the house? I’ll come and get her.’

‘Sorry?’

‘Liv stayed with you last night, didn’t she?’

‘No, I haven’t seen Liv for weeks,’ said Linda. ‘That’s why I’m calling. I thought it would be nice for Liv to visit Chloe. Cheer her up.’

My heart rate quickens.

‘Oh right. In that case, absolutely. I’ll get hold of her then call you back to make arrangements. Keep me posted. And if there’s anything I can do, don’t hesitate, okay?’

‘Thanks, Emily.’

I hang up and ring Liv.

It goes to voicemail.

I ring Scott.

‘Hi Em.’

‘Did you say Liv was staying at Chloe’s last night?’

‘Yeah. She’s staying again tonight. Apparently, they didn’t finish the film they were watching. She texted earlier to ask if she could. Why?’

‘Linda rang. Chloe’s in hospital. She says she hasn’t seen Liv in weeks!’

‘She didn’t stay there last night?’ I hear the worry in his voice.

My hands are shaking. ‘No!’

‘Okay. Don’t worry. We know she’s all right because she texted earlier.’

‘Where the hell is she?’

Scott sighs. ‘I’m guessing somewhere we don’t want her to be…’

‘I’ll try Nathan.’

‘Do you have his number?’

‘No, but I know where he lives. I’ll call you back.’

Magda finishes serving a customer. ‘Is everything okay?’ she asks, but she knows it’s not.

‘Do you mind holding the fort? I need to find Liv.’

‘Of course, go.’

I’m going to kill Liv.

Nathan’s mum answers the door. She’s exactly the sort of woman who would have tidy little lollipop trees on her front step.

‘I’m Liv’s mum. Is she here?’

‘No, I’m afraid not. Nathan’s away for the weekend. He’s gone to a music festival in Gloucestershire.’

Of course that’s where she is. ‘Ah…’

‘There was a group of them going. Might she be with them?’

‘No, she wouldn’t go to a music festival without telling me,’ I lie. ‘Have you spoken to Nathan at all?’

‘He rang us to say they’d arrived, and we’ve had a couple of texts, but the signal’s not great.’

I ask her to call me if she hears from him, and we swap numbers. She gives me a sympathetic smile. I’m mortified.

‘There’s no point in driving all the way to Gloucestershire,’ says Scott when I turn up at his door ten minutes later.

‘She’s missing, Scott; we have to look for her.’

‘How will we find her among a hundred thousand people?’

‘Maybe we should call the police?’

‘She’s old enough to look after herself and she’s with friends. They’re not stupid.’

‘She’s with a boy, Scott! Sleeping in a tent! Drinking alcohol…’

His expression changes. He doesn’t like the picture I’ve painted in his head.

‘I’ll get my keys.’

According to the sat nav, it’ll take two-and-a-half hours to get to Beatland.

As the countryside whips by, my mind is flooded with images of Liv: getting drunk, getting sick, doing drugs, having sex, getting an STD, getting pregnant.

I can’t believe she went behind our backs, didn’t tell either of us.

And she’s still got one more exam – she’s supposed to be revising.

Scott must sense I need distracting. ‘How’s what’s-his-name?’

‘Who?’ He means FHD, but I’m still having trouble with his name myself.

‘That guy you’re seeing – the dad from school.’

‘Oh, Billy.’ I’ve never called him Billy. ‘He’s fine. He got me the job at the café.’

‘So, are you an item now?’

My cheeks grow hot. ‘Of course not.’

I try Liv’s phone, but it goes straight to voicemail again. Scott says nothing for a while and when I look over, he’s frowning.

‘What’s the matter?’ I ask.

He keeps his eyes fixed on the road. ‘Nothing.’

Twelve minutes pass. I know because I count them on the clock. Then he lets out a long sigh. I’m expecting him to say something about Liv, but out of nowhere he says, ‘What’s this Billy like, then?’

Why is it so difficult to think of something to say about him? ‘He’s nice.’

‘Nice?’ Scott pulls a face. ‘What does he do?’

‘Do?’

‘For work. What’s his job?’

‘He’s in IT.’ I’ve made him sound boring. I don’t know why, but now I feel the need to big him up. ‘He’s interesting… you know, easy to talk to, funny… he’s a brilliant cook… oh, and he’s into paddle boarding.’

Scott sets his mouth in a tight little line and nods. It must be enough to satisfy his curiosity because he says nothing for the next hour, keeping his eyes firmly on the road ahead.

At last, I spot a sign for Beatland. ‘Look, there’s the entrance.’

‘That’s for deliveries.’

‘It doesn’t matter. We’ll explain.’

We spend ten minutes explaining, but the security guard says we need to get a ticket like everybody else. Leaving the car there, we follow his directions around the edge of the site until we come to a gate and Scott buys a couple of day passes.

In the late afternoon sunshine, there’s a lot of red flesh on display. The girls are all in bikini tops and the boys are all shirtless. Distant music pounds.

‘Where shall we start?’ he asks.

I leave him studying a map while I join the queue for the Portaloos.

The stench hits me as I open the door. Outside, I wash my hands in the long water trough and scan the posters pinned above it for any bands I might recognise.

Liv has mentioned The Liars. They’re on the main stage in an hour.

I take a picture of the poster and go back to Scott.

‘We’re not here to party!’ I scold, as he hands me a plastic pint of beer.

‘It’s only shandy. We need to stay hydrated.’

I take a sip as we trace a route on the map and head off into the next field.

As we emerge through an archway of brightly coloured bunting and ribbons, I gasp.

Between us and the stage at the far end of the field are thousands upon thousands of people.

My heart sinks. I scan the heads, straining to find Liv, but it’s impossible.

I feel like dropping to the ground, kicking and screaming. I want my daughter.

Scott takes my hand. He doesn’t say ‘I told you so’, he simply pulls me into a hug. Over his shoulder, a girl not much older than Liv is slumped in a heap under a hedge. I sob.

‘Don’t worry, she’s fine,’ he whispers. ‘She’s with friends and they’ll look after each other.’

I pull myself together, wiping my eyes. A friend goes to the girl in the hedge and helps her sit up. For a moment, I think everything will be okay; then the ‘friend’ hands her a pint of beer.

Scott follows my gaze.

‘You can’t be mum to everyone here, you know,’ he says.

‘I know.’

‘Come on. We’re here now. We might as well look around.’

We weave through the thickening crowd and, as we near the stage, the music is so loud my ears might bleed. Every third girl is Liv’s doppelg?nger.

The next field is full of circus tents. It takes an hour to go through them all and it’s exhausting, more-so because it’s so futile. Right now, she could be entering the tent we left ten minutes ago.

I sink to the ground by a totem pole and drain the last of my warm shandy.

Scott sits down beside me. The sky is a riot of pink and lilac.

The crowd in the next field erupts into applause.

If the circumstances were different, this would be a magical moment.

There’s a buzz in the air. Scott is pulling little tufts out of the grass.

He lifts his eyes to mine. It’s as though he’s trying to tell me something with those dark, doleful eyes. Then the moment is gone.

‘There’s Nathan!’ he says.

‘Where?’

‘There.’ He points to a tall, blond boy being swallowed by the crowd. We jump to our feet.

‘If we get separated,’ says Scott, ‘meet back here at the totem pole.’

He has such a tight hold of my hand, I doubt that will happen.

He drags me through the crowd back to the field with the main stage. It’s more tightly packed with people now.

‘He’s with Liv!’ he calls over his shoulder.

Our hands get pulled apart, and he comes back for me twice.

As we reach the edge of the field, Scott says, ‘Shit, I lost them.’

I scour the row of food stalls and spot Nathan’s blond head in the distance. ‘There!’

We bob and weave through people carrying trays of food and drink and leave the field under another decorated archway.

The hillside before us is an ocean of multicoloured domes.

We follow the most obvious path through the tents, swivelling our heads left and right.

In the distance, Nathan and Liv make their way up the hill, then turn off the path to the left.

As we reach the turning point, they dip down and out of sight.

‘They disappeared by that Italian flag,’ says Scott.

I follow him as he picks his way over guy ropes, leaning over each dome to listen.

He stops beside a blue tent. There’s movement inside and noises.

Scott recognises the sound at the same time as me and dives at the zip.

Within seconds, he’s pulling Nathan’s gangly, wriggling form out by the waistband.

‘What the fuck?’ says Nathan, holding onto his unzipped shorts as he rises to his full height. He recognises Scott and has the sense to shut his mouth.

Liv is fastening her bikini top as she pokes her head out of the tent, her hair hanging in her face. As she straightens up, she tucks it behind her ears.

And that’s when I see – she’s not Liv.

‘Where’s Olivia?’ Scott grabs Nathan by the front of his t-shirt, but I pull him back.

Nathan shrugs. ‘How should I know?’

I let Scott go, and he dives at Nathan, grabbing two fistfuls this time. Despite being an inch taller, Nathan is suitably terrified.

‘You’d better start talking,’ Scott warns.

‘I haven’t seen her all day!’

‘But she’s here?’ I ask.

‘Yeah.’

Scott gives Nathan a firm shake. ‘When did you see her last?’

‘I don’t know. This morning?’

‘You’d better stop answering questions with questions.’

The girl tiptoes off, carrying her Doc Martens. Scott interrogates Nathan. He asks who they came with, which is her tent, what they’ve been drinking, whether anyone has taken drugs. He co-operates.

‘She didn’t seem all that happy today. She went off by herself,’ he says.

Scott shoots Nathan a dirty look. ‘Anything to do with you hanging around with other girls?’

‘She wanted to see The Liars and Twisted Sphinx! It was nothing to do with me.’

‘Come on,’ says Scott. ‘You’re going to help us find her.’