Page 23 of When We Were Young

Christmas Day

Things had changed a lot in a year. Will sat in the back seat behind Aidan so he could steal looks at Emily – that was the same.

She was singing ‘Santa Claus is Coming to Town’ at the top of her voice, looking back at him and laughing as he harmonised in a comically deep voice as he had the year before.

But this year, Reu was with them, cracking them up with his mock falsetto.

Will thought back to that first day of busking.

As they got to the chorus of ‘Stand by Me’, Reu burst into song.

Will looked down wide-eyed at Reu sitting on his mum’s orange bucket, slapping the side of it, and singing his heart out.

And what a voice – he sounded like a young Stevie Wonder.

Since then, Reu had been singing backing vocals.

Reu was still as skinny as ever, despite his mum’s best efforts, but he looked happier now. And, between himself and Reu, was Izzy. She was wearing a Santa hat, the furry white bobble kept hitting him in the face as she bopped her head around to the music.

She had invited herself. They had been seeing each other on and off for almost a year now.

He didn’t get her present until the day before yesterday because they’d been in an ‘off’ period, but they’d got back together a week ago.

He’d stayed at her place last night and they’d exchanged gifts in her bed this morning.

She gave him the jumper he was wearing. It felt soft and expensive, and it brought out the colour of his eyes.

She gave him a scarf and a wallet too. He felt bad when she opened the discounted bottle of perfume he hadn’t even bothered to smell, but she seemed delighted.

She slipped her arms around him, and with her mouth close to his ear, she whispered: ‘I love you’.

He wasn’t expecting that.

He didn’t know what to say.

So, without breaking her embrace, and being sure to avoid eye contact, he lay her back on the bed and distracted her with a line of kisses that began at her throat and inched lower. It did the trick. She didn’t mention what she’d said again, or his lack of response.

And here she was beside him in the car, singing.

He’d dodged a bullet there.

This year, Izzy and Reu were the guests of honour.

Reu acted like he’d never had a Christmas dinner before, hoovering everything up, even the Brussels sprouts.

After dinner, when Uncle Brian asked for volunteers to take the dog for a walk, Izzy put herself and Will forward.

Reu was too full to move from the sofa, and the dark, wet afternoon meant they couldn’t persuade anyone to join them.

They borrowed a huge golf umbrella and stepped out into the drizzle. Izzy linked her arm through his, and the dog steered them up the lane.

‘Do they like me?’ she asked.

‘Who?’

‘Your parents. Everyone.’

He kept his eyes on the lane ahead. ‘Of course they like you.’

‘Your aunt asked me how long we’d been together. Have you never mentioned me?’

‘I don’t see them all that often…’

She stopped walking. ‘Will, I can’t keep pretending this morning didn’t happen.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I meant what I said.’

‘What?’

‘Don’t play dumb. I told you I love you.’

‘Oh… that.’ Will kicked at stones on the path.

‘I can’t pretend it doesn’t matter that you didn’t say it back. It’s not like I’m rushing things. We’ve been seeing each other for eleven months now. I need to know how you feel about me.’

Rain pattered on the umbrella. ‘Well… I care about––’

‘Oh, come on, Will! Not “I care about you”, please .’

‘I don’t know what you want me to say…’

‘There’s a conventional response, and if you can’t bring yourself to say it, then I don’t know what we’re doing here!’

The dog whimpered at his feet. ‘I like you; I really do. You’re a lovely girl. It’s not you, it’s––’

She slapped him hard across the face. He sucked air through his teeth at the sting of it.

‘Don’t give me that one as well! Don’t give me all the fucking clichés, Will! It’s like you’re waiting for someone better to come along.’

He said nothing.

‘Oh my God, there’s someone else!’ Her voice was shrill.

Will stalled, trying to find the right words. ‘I have… feelings… for someone else, but I haven’t—’

‘It’s Emily, isn’t it?’

‘What? No––’

‘The way you look at her. You’re always looking at her. She’s your brother’s girlfriend, for God’s sake!’

‘It’s not Emily, Izzy. Look, it doesn’t matter who it is. What matters is, if I’m thinking about someone else, it’s not fair on you.’

‘So we’re finished?’

He paused. ‘I think that would be best.’

She tips her head skyward to stop tears from falling. ‘Right.’

‘I’m sorry. I don’t want to hurt you, but it’s better now than months down the line.’

‘Happy fucking Christmas.’ She turned on her heel.

‘Izzy!’ he called as she marched back down the lane towards the house. ‘Take the umbrella!’

She kept walking.

‘Do you know the way back?’

‘I’m not a fucking moron!’

‘Do you want me to come with you?’

‘No. Walk the fucking dog!’

The dog whined and pulled in the opposite direction, so he carried on up the hill. Shit, he’d handled that terribly.

Fat drops of rain began drumming on the umbrella.

Izzy would get soaked. He tipped the umbrella to see how far she’d got, but the darkness had already swallowed her.

He hadn’t planned to say any of that, but she’d given him no choice.

If he said he loved her, then he couldn’t break up with her.

And he was always trying to break up with her, always keeping her at arm’s length.

She was pretty, sexy, a good laugh. Why couldn’t he be satisfied with that?

He hated doing this to her. Here. Today.

He’d have to face the music back at the house, but despite that, he was relieved.

All eyes were on him as he entered the sitting room half an hour later.

‘Jesus Christ, Will, you dumped her on Christmas Day?’ You could always rely on Aidan for his tact.

Will sighed. ‘Where is she?’

‘She’s upstairs crying her eyes out, you bastard. Emily’s looking after her.’ Oh , great. ‘Couldn’t you have waited a few hours? Now you’ve ruined everyone’s Christmas.’ Aidan was trying not to smile. This had made his day, not ruined it.

‘I didn’t plan it. She put me on the spot…’

‘I thought you liked Izzy?’ asked his mum.

‘I don’t want to talk about it, Mum.’

‘No one can drive her anywhere now. We’ve all been drinking,’ she said. ‘I’ll take her to the station in the morning, assuming the trains are running on Boxing Day.’

Emily appeared in the doorway and gestured for him to join her. His heart drummed as he followed her to the kitchen and closed the door.

‘Is she okay?’ he asked.

Emily’s expression was pained. ‘Just embarrassed and humiliated.’

He groaned.

‘Sorry, that was harsh, but you know what I mean. Listen,’ Emily’s tone went serious, ‘I know she’s been drinking but…’

Emily ran a hand through her hair and that pained expression deepened into a full-blown grimace.

Oh shit. ‘What did she say?’

Emily lowered her voice. ‘She said you’re in love with me.’

Will feigned ignorance. ‘What?’

‘Why would she say that?’ Emily studied his face.

Will sighed. ‘I told her I’m into someone else and she’s jumped to conclusions.’

‘Why would she think it’s me?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘She was going on about a song you wrote. She said the lyrics were about me. Then she started crying and asked me to get her a drink.’

‘Sorry you got dragged into this. She’s upset. She’s not thinking straight.’

‘She’s got a bottle of vodka up there.’

‘Oh Christ, she’s already had a bottle of wine. Don’t worry, I’ll go up and—’

Emily shook her head. ‘That’s not a good idea. She doesn’t want to see you.’

‘Okay, I’ll send Mum up.’

Emily stared at him, pinning him to the spot. ‘Will, she said “Forbidden” is about me. It’s not about me, is it?’

Will scolded himself: he should have realised those lyrics would be obvious to Izzy.

‘You can say no,’ she prompted. ‘Just say it’s not about me.’

Will swallowed. ‘What if it was about you?’

She paused, frowning.

‘But I’m with Aidan,’ she said at last.

‘You don’t have to be…’

‘Will––’

‘Emily, I’m mad about you. I have been ever since I saw you get off the train when I was busking at the station.’

‘You never even spoke to me…’

‘I was going to, but I got arrested, remember? Then Aidan asked you out before I got the chance. Look, if you’re happy with him, I’ll walk away. But if not, maybe you could think about… us .’

Her eyebrows were drawn up in the middle of her forehead.

‘But if it’s “no” – that’s fine, you can tell me now. I’ll get over it.’

Emily opened her mouth to speak, but Aunty Sandra burst into the kitchen. ‘Right, everyone out of here! I’m putting the sausage rolls on. Will, can you put this rubbish out?’