Page 47 of What I Should Have Felt (Anchors and Eagles #4)

COLETTE

I t had been years since I’d seen the Thibodeauxs’ house this busy.

The sizzle of a crawfish boil in the back danced behind chatter from people who had turned into family in the span of the week.

Plus, half the town was here in celebration of Azelie’s birthday.

I leaned against the railing of the back porch and watched as she cuddled up against Cory with eyes full of stars, and narrowed my gaze.

I knew that look. It was the same one I’d given Ford for a year before our relationship escalated from simple make-out sessions to more, and I wasn’t about to see our daughter fall into the same pattern. Though, if I had to admit, I wouldn’t change a thing.

Here we were, happy and together again. Officially together. With O’Connor out of the picture, things had gone back to the regular small-town gossip. Police statements were done, and the destruction he’d brought had barely been a thought since .

I’d taken over the clinic full time, and whether from guilt or what, my parents also agreed to expand their little restaurant, and Ford’s parents now served their menu from the same kitchen. It actually helped profits, and within the week, business for both of them was booming.

Our house wasn’t quite rebuilt, but it was Ford’s late-night confession yesterday that weighed heavily on my mind.

I’d pursued being a doctor because everywhere in the country needed doctors, and that meant I could follow him everywhere.

I loved my home here in the bayou, but when he mentioned that we should buy a home together, he’d also added that he wouldn’t mind being closer to the guys on his team.

Luckily, the options were small towns in Idaho and the bordering state of Montana, but it wasn’t the South. It meant going somewhere I’d never been before in a place I’d never thought of. Yet, the excitement that fluttered in my chest every time it crossed my mind only grew.

It was a big decision, and one we wouldn’t make without also consulting Azelie, considering her entire life was here, and a specific boy, but Ford had seemed to almost outgrow this place, and maybe I had too.

This would always be home, and we’d always have a place to come back to. But spreading our wings and living somewhere else sounded thrilling.

Mostly because it would be with Ford.

I smiled as the big oaf himself walked out the back door with a massive platter of what I guessed was his mawmaw’s steaming gumbo and over to his dad, who waited with the crawfish boil.

Turk patted him on the back and said something; Azelie scowled at him as he “accidentally” bumped into Cory and separated the two teenagers momentarily.

There was my heart. My world .

A booming laugh startled me as Bernie stepped out from the house and shouted some dumbass thing at Ford.

All Ford did was flip him off and curse him out in Cajun-French without even looking back at him.

And Kat, Jane, and Scottie giggled behind Bernie.

They were wonderful. Over the past week, we’d become close, and for the first time in years, I actually enjoyed girls’ nights.

Even with Mikey, Griffin, and Dom. It felt like we’d always known each other.

They were as much family as Ford was, or Azelie.

I understood why Ford enjoyed their company, even when they said shitty things or their humor turned extremely dark.

I loved this. I wanted more of this. Even more so, I loved seeing Ford in his element.

He was the man I knew with his team. Witty and full of life in a way I’d never seen with anyone else except for me.

A shadow fell beside me, and I smiled up at Ford. A cut-off T-shirt and a pair of shorts showed off the tattoos that covered half of his body, which reminded me that I still had no idea why he’d decided to design them that way.

“Why only the right side of your body?” I blurted out and slid my gaze down to his ankles.

“For what? The tattoos?” He faced me directly, and I nodded. “Well, because I was saving the side closest to my heart for when you became my present and future.”

My heart pattered softly in my chest as his words softly fell in the summer breeze. Despite the crowded back porch, it was as if we were in our own little bubble. There were just the two of us. “But there was no guarantee,” I muttered and raised a hand .

“I knew that,” he replied as I slid my fingers along his arm. Goosebumps danced beneath my touch on his skin as I traced art that I hadn’t seen in years.

“I painted yesterday,” I quietly whispered as my fingers found the back of his hand.

He turned his palm up and let me glide across roughened calluses that brought calm back to my spirit.

“It’s not very good, but I haven’t felt the desire to paint in fifteen years,” I quickly added as heat rushed to my cheeks.

His gaze tracked the swirls of my fingers against his palm, but he remained silent.

Everything faded around me. There was the sizzle of the crawfish boil and gentle slurp of water as a gator bellowed upon its surface.

Birds squawked as the thick plants of the swamp blossomed with insects and critters of all sorts.

Silence as gentle as a feather slipped between us. He disappeared for a moment and brought back two beers. This was everything that I’d been waiting for, and as his eyes watched the crowd around us, I knew that this was everything for him too.

Not with the people from a town he hadn’t been to in fifteen years, but with the men he willingly protected at the risk of his life.

His parents came and casually chatted with us for a bit, and of course, his mawmaw joined us for a while as well.

He loved them. It was obvious by the way he spoke and interacted with them.

But every time one of his buddies came over, there was something deeper. Something more shared between them. I barely understood half of the jokes they shared, but seeing him light up as if he was carefree once more was worth it all .

Except for when they spoke of one name—Duncan.

I hadn’t heard that name before, but there was a solemnity about them when they spoke of him.

And they talked about him in past tense.

Without wanting to insert myself where I wasn’t invited, I remained quiet.

There was an ache that twinged through my heart as Ford’s body stiffened each time they shared something about Duncan.

Whoever he was, he’d meant a lot to everyone on that team.

And during a lull, Ford voluntarily shared with me who Duncan was.

He closed his eyes and slowly blew air out of his lips.

“He would’ve loved it here. Always preferred the warmer, humid climates.

Plus, he was the only one who could handle how spicy I really liked to cook.

I always had to tone it down for everyone else.

Well, except Dom, too, but I mean, he’s a southern boy, so that’s expected.

” Ford chuckled lightly and glanced down at me.

“He sounded like a wonderful man,” I gently replied.

Ford nodded, his gaze distant. “He was. He really was.”

That grief they shared would never go away. I knew that. It wouldn’t just appear during times of sadness, but would mix in with the happy moments as well. Sorrow would show up not just in the sharing of memories they had with him, but in times when they wished he were here with them.

And I knew. At that moment, I knew that we couldn’t stay here, no matter how much I may have wanted to.

“I’ll miss this,” I mindlessly muttered.

His brows stitched together, and he slipped his hand in mine. “Miss what? Where are you going? ”

I giggled to myself and looked up from his massive palm. “Us. We’re going.”

The creases deepened on his face as confusion tightened the lines that I absolutely adored on him. He opened his mouth to speak.

“We’re going somewhere?” Azelie inserted before he managed to make a sound.

We both glanced to our right as our daughter skipped up holding a root beer and eyes full of wonder.

“I think we are,” I continued and looked back at Ford as he shrugged, just as confused as Azelie.

His gaze turned to me as he threaded his fingers through mine.

“You’ve outgrown this place, Ford. In a good way.

You can’t stay here. And I don’t want to live without you.

We have to go. As long as Azelie is okay with it too. ”

“Go where? Like move out of Willow Roux?” Azelie gasped as Ford tipped his head and kept his gaze locked with mine. They burned with questions and excitement.

I offered him a hesitant smile.

“I don’t know how much of growth another small town is, though,” Ford muttered.

“What’s going on? What small town? Some other place in Louisiana?” Azelie inserted.

“You can say no, Azelie. You’ve grown up here, and we don’t want to take you away from your grandparents and Cory and the life that you’ve built,” I explained and finally tore my gaze away from Ford.

“You’re not talking about staying close, are you? You’re not talking about a vacation or something. You’re talking about moving. Permanently.” Her eyes darted between Ford and me. She brushed some hair stuck to her neck from the humidity as her brows raised.

“We’d find a house somewhere in Idaho or Montana. Closer to the rest of my team,” Ford explained. “But we know you finally got things going with Cory and—”

“Are you kidding me?” Azelie clapped her hands together. “I can find another boyfriend. Literally since you showed up, things have been so exciting, and I don’t want to miss out on that.” She spun in a circle.

Ford casually threw his arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer toward him.

She paused and smiled up at him in a way I’d never seen her grin at anyone else. Her eyes sparkled as if she were staring at her biggest hero, and for a moment, she wasn’t fifteen, she was one again and just barely learning to walk.

“Plus, I finally have my dad,” Azelie said.

The mask on Ford’s face that hid away whatever he was feeling pixelated as if a computer program failed. His eyes misted over, and he swallowed stiffly. Within a second, he ran a hand over his unshaven face, and just like that, he was back to the man who let nothing affect him.

“You sure ’bout this?” he asked and cleared his throat. “Seriously, I know I’ve been teasing you about Cory, but he’s a good kid.”

“Eh. I’m fifteen, Dad. Besides, if it’s meant to be, we’ll find each other again. Maybe we’ll try long distance since we’ll be back to visit a lot. Or, maybe I’ll fall for some cowboy wherever we end up living.” Dimples deepened in her cheeks with her smile. “Apparently, Bernie has a brother who—”

“Absolutely not.” Ford immediately shook his head and crossed his arms. “I will not be related to that motherfucker, no matter how much I love Raiden. That’ll just be another thing that’ll go to Bernie’s already massive head.”

I threw my head back and laughed as a vein popped in Ford’s forehead.

Azelie wiggled her brows. “See, I heard Raiden broke up with his girlfriend a few weeks ago.”

“Yeah, we’re gonna move to Idaho. We’ll go live by Griffin and Jane. Mikey and Scottie are closer to them anyway. Montana is out,” Ford stated and shook his head.

Azelie grinned even wider and batted her lashes. “I also heard that Montana—”

“Nope. Absolutely not,” Ford reiterated.

I shook my head as the chuckle died in my throat. “We’ll talk about this later. Right now, go enjoy being with your friends. We’ll bring out your cake soon.”

“Yeah. Go be with Cory. He’s a good dude.

I like this whole long-distance idea. We’ll fly back often to visit.

A lot of times. Frequently. How about every time I’m out on orders, you guys come stay with my mom and pops?

Besides, I bet your parents will appreciate it because it’ll give them plenty of opportunities to continue to try and repair their relationship with you guys,” Ford blurted out as if he were unable to control his thoughts and words.

I patted his arm and sighed. “Sounds like an excuse to avoid my parents on your end. ”

His eyes narrowed. “Possibly. I never said I was going to try and have a relationship with them.”

Azelie giggled, and her sundress swayed in the breeze as she skipped away.

We watched her go with excitement buzzing in the air, but in my heart, there was nothing but peace.

I never would’ve guessed how much life would change in such a short period of time.

I would’ve never believed it. But here I was, with the love of my life and our daughter, making plans for the future. Plans that involved all of us.

“I’ll miss the spider lilies. You know they’re my favorite,” I said and leaned up against Ford.

He smiled, slid his arm around me, and tipped his face up to the sun in the sky. “Good thing I get to take mine with me.”

I studied his face. The weight that had been on him when he first arrived seemed lessened.

The crinkles at the corners of his eyes deepened with a soft smile, and my heart fluttered like I was sixteen and just starting out on this insane journey with him.

Yet, here we were, with a lifetime of memories behind us and a lifetime more to make.

He was my best friend, my lover, and the greatest blessing to have ever waltzed back into my life.

Plus, this time, he came with a hell of a lot more family, and I loved it. “By the way, the girls were talking about Kat’s friend, Emma.”

Ford glanced down at me. “What about her?”

“Apparently, she’s Dom’s type and—”

“You too? You don’t need to get involved in their meddling shit they like to do.” He pursed his lips, but his eyes sparkled.

“Okay, but here’s the thing,” I continued, and he shook his head .

“Cher, I love you. But I ain’t gonna get involved in this. Go gossip with the girls or something,” he said and smiled.

“I love you too, you big oaf,” I answered with a smile.

And there was nothing that could happen that would change that.

Not even death.

THE END… sort of

This series will conclude in the next and final Book. Number 5—What I Should Have Seen: release date is TBA!