Page 15 of What I Should Have Felt (Anchors and Eagles #4)

COLETTE

“ H ostile? What the hell do you mean with that?” I snapped, choking back a slight giggle as Ford somehow folded himself into the cramped space. Damn, his size alone was intimidating enough to deter violence.

My stomach fluttered at the thought that I wouldn’t be solely responsible for Azelie’s well-being anymore.

Hold on, absolutely not .

With his head tipped to the side and his knees facing the front seat so he was able to fit, he slunk down onto the seat and looked to the side, directly at me. “Hostile,” he simply said with a raised brow.

I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms and legs, tucking them up against my body.

A smirk cracked his hardened exterior, which had barely shown any emotion until now. “Like how you slapped the fuck out of me for no damn reason,” he finally added.

I sighed and relaxed my body back against the window.

“That was just for show ’cause my mom was watching, and she’s the one that sent me over.

She blames you for my attack, and since I kind of avoided coming into town all day yesterday, that was really the first time my parents have had a chance to turn that blame onto you.

I am kinda dreading all of the questions that they’re going to ask once I return because the couple minutes we spoke last night hadn’t left a lot of time to relay…

everything.” I glanced away from his intense, inquisitive stare.

How the hell was I supposed to explain how I’d been saved without sounding like I was insane to them? Including explaining it to Ford.

I snapped my eyes back to his gaze. Time to change the subject. “Anyway, why were you with a cop?”

He raised his brows and looked away from me, staring at the back of the headrest in front of him.

“My pops said that he thought he’d forgotten to turn the light off in the kitchen at the restaurant last night.

So, I went back late. A whole bunch of O’Connor’s cronies were there.

They’d broken in and had begun trashing the place.

They clearly weren’t taking a break from us like he’d told you. That was just a decoy.”

“So, you reported it to the police, who are in bed with O’Connor?

Like, you do know that they take bribes and hush money from him, so what good does that do?

” I asked, as his jaw tightened and knotted.

My heart jumped to my throat as something warm and hot wormed low in my belly.

My gaze lingered on his jawline with a hint of stubble neatly trimmed across skin that seemed hardened by whatever he’d experienced in the past fifteen years .

“It’s on record. Even though they’ll push it to the bottom of the stack and ignore it, whenever shit comes to a head, at least there’s some record of it. Besides,” he turned his head back my way, and his different-colored eyes met mine. “Gotta play like I don’t know as much as I do.”

“Oh, you dumb ass,” I muttered with a grin. And then his words really sunk in. “Wait, you said a whole bunch? How many men was a whole bunch?”

“How many men attacked you?” he countered, and I glanced at his hands that sat almost too still in his lap. I wasn’t sure if I was upset that he didn’t seem even more worried about me, or if I was upset that I cared about how concerned he was for my well-being.

“Ten plus O’Connor. Though he threatened Azelie more than me, other than taking my knives. And having one of his men shoot another one of his guys,” I grumbled.

“What about Azelie, and why specifically her?” he asked with a furrowed brow.

“Better question, how do you know who Azelie is? She was born after you’d left.”

“One, it’s a small town, and everyone talks.

Two, I’ve seen her at the restaurant, and while I’ve not been able to get a close look, it’s rather obvious who she is.

I mean, your parents literally said copy and paste with those genetics.

She looks pretty much exactly like you did at that age.

There’s a few things different, but yeah.

” Ford leaned his head back. “Anyway, rumors about your attack have been quiet and few, which I assume is O’Connor’s doing. So, tell me everything that happened.”

“Why? What the hell difference would it make?” I sliced a glare at him .

“Colette, don’t.” His voice was razor sharp and harsh, so sudden and a stark contrast to how he’d spoken to me a moment ago. It was as if a knife had slashed right through my stomach.

My eyes widened at his words. He’d never spoken to me that way before. Ever. I’d never heard him speak like that to anyone, not even the assholes that bullied him a bit in middle school before he’d grown.

“Just, tell me what the fuck happened, and don’t leave anything out. The only way we’re going to get rid of this guy is by figuring out his end game before he gets to it. And I need to know—”

“So, this isn’t you being concerned for me? This is all about finishing what you came here for so you can just up and—”

“This is about you!” He threw his hands in the air.

“Everything has always fucking been about you, but you’ve acted like an asshole toward me since the moment I stepped foot back here.

I left for you . I stayed away for you .

” His gaze swung toward me with more rage and excruciating anguish than I’d ever seen in my life. He slapped a hand against his chest.

“I left my family for you . I gave up everything so you didn’t have to.

So, stop pretending like we’re still eighteen.

I get that I gave up any chance of coming back to you because of how I left, and that’s my fault.

I get you moved on. I get I shouldn’t have left like I had, but I did. And nothing can change that.”

Ford inhaled deeply and shook his head, lowering his voice.

“But everything I’ve done and still do is for you.

So, please.” He gently laid his hands in his lap as they began to shake, and his words became almost a whimper.

“Please, stop hating me. At least for the time being, so you and your family can become safe again. And then I’ll leave.

Just like I know—” His voice cracked, and he cleared his throat.

“Just like I know you want, because all I want to do is protect you.”

I stared at him. Disbelief coursed through me, not because he was wrong, but because he was mostly right.

He’d never been this raw and vulnerable with me before.

Mostly . I didn’t want him to leave. Not again.

Not ever. But with the way I’d been treating him, acting so immature and selfish, I could understand why he believed that.

But my secret wouldn’t remain one if I let this anger go. I’d confess to what would potentially make him hate me as much as he thought I hated him. All of this rage, all of this front I put on was to keep that secret. To keep the one person safe that I’d been left to fight for on my own.

My shoulders sagged as I realized that my own choice had partially created that burden. A choice that I’d thought was right at the time. Just like Ford thought, leaving was the right choice at that time.

I wasn’t as innocent in all of this as I pretended to be.

“I don’t hate you,” I whispered.

Ford pulled a thin smile on his lips. “It’s okay. I would hate me too if I was in your shoes.”

“But I don’t. I’m just…”

“Angry?” He glanced at me. “Hurt?”

“I felt betrayed. And like I’d had my choice ripped away from me. So, yes. I’m angry. And hurt. But mostly angry at myself because I’m not angry at you like I was literally five seconds before you showed up.”

I faced the gray headrest in front of me, ignoring the sun bouncing off the shiny silver metal accents. There it was. Admittance to thoughts I’d barely accepted before walking into the restaurant this morning .

I whipped my gaze back toward him and wagged a finger. “This doesn’t mean I forgive you. Just that I won’t be so…”

“Hostile toward me?” He shot me a crooked grin.

“Again with that word,” I grumbled.

He chuckled and returned to his lazy gaze out the window. “Please, Cher. Tell me what happened.”

“It won’t change anything.”

“No. But I just… There were fifteen guys, and I feel like I’m going crazy with—”

“You saw something!” I interjected and sat up straight.

His jaw twitched as if he was chewing on what to say next but remained quiet.

“Something that if you were to say it out loud, someone would tell you that you needed to be in a psych ward.”

“It was just a story growing up,” he finally muttered.

“The Rougarou showed up for you, too,” I stated, staring at him with hopefulness filling my heart.

“You know we’re not supposed to say its name out loud, or we’ll end up with the curse, right?” he replied a little more lighthearted.

“Yeah, well, I said its name while looking directly at it, and it…freed me. Maybe it’s protecting our home. Its home.”

Ford slowly nodded. “Cher, are you okay?”

“Am I—” I paused as his eyelids fluttered closed, taking with it any indication of whatever he was feeling.

I couldn’t believe how good he’d become at masking his body language.

It was as if I stared at some unfinished statue, something stone and cold that lacked any emotion.

But I knew better. Because, yes, he wasn’t that kid anymore, but he was still Ford.

“I’m okay. Though he did steal the knives you made me,” I muttered.

“Actually, that reminds me. I have something for you, but it’s in my duffel at home,” he answered and shimmied awkwardly to try and face me better.

A giggle burst from my throat, and I slapped a hand over my lips. “I’m sorry,” I said, muffled behind my palm.

“What’s so funny? This isn’t exactly a silly situation.”

“I know, but you look crammed in this back seat, and watching you try to shift is a bit funny.” I giggled again and dropped my hand from my mouth. “Guess car sex is out of the question.”

And my palm slapped over my lips again. Heat rose to my cheeks as I stared forward, refusing to look at Ford. I could only imagine that look on his face, and I was terrified to find out if it was desire or disgust.

“Cher, you realize that just because I can’t lie down on the back seat, doesn’t make car sex out of the question. Pretty sure some of the best sex we had was in my old truck,” he said, almost too casually for my liking.

I chanced a glance his way to find a smirk on his face and his head tipped back. He wasn’t looking at me or facing me; he was simply smiling to himself.

“Explain to me how it would work now? Have you not recently looked in the mirror? Or maybe stepped on a scale? You aren’t as skinny as you were,” I countered.

“Hmmmm. There’s the front passenger seat that I can lay down, and you’re small. So, you can climb right on. Even back here, Cher. There’s plenty of room on this lap of mine. ”

My cheeks burned warmer with the sparkle in his eyes. Yet, he continued to stare forward.

“You know what, I don’t even know why we’re talking about this when we should be discussing how O’Connor might escalate and why he singled out Azelie,” I quickly replied.

Ford flopped his head to the side and brought his eyes to meet mine. “I’ve got security cameras ordered and coming for, yes, both your restaurant and my family’s. So, the next time he tries something, there will be irrefutable evidence.”

His gaze remained locked with mine, and his words seemed a far distance from my thoughts. My veins burned with heat, and a magnetic pull tugged me toward him. He wasn’t wrong; I could easily straddle his lap. I could give in to the desire that inched me a smidge closer to him.

A momentary distraction from the doom that lingered around us couldn’t hurt. Azelie was safe with her cross-country coaches at their meeting right now, my parents were in the restaurant getting ready for the day, so there was no way O’Connor would do anything right now.

It was just Ford and me.

I could ask him how he could afford security cameras later.

I could get after him for everything else later.

Right now, I wanted him. I’d wanted him since the moment he’d arrived back in town. It was time to grow the fuck up and be an adult. An adult who did adult things.

Even if in secret with the one person where the history between us was something we hadn’t quite hashed out.

Even if it was probably going to start something wrong .

I needed him.

Just one more time.

As his eyes remained fixed on mine, self-control fled the vehicle.

I launched myself across the car, threw my legs around his waist, and slammed my lips against his.