Page 37 of What I Should Have Felt (Anchors and Eagles #4)

FORD

W ith the tap of a button ending my phone call, the room was bathed in silence.

A foreign concept after all of the hullabaloo from earlier today, and a stark contrast from the muffled sobs that floated from my bedroom before I’d snuck out of the house.

I’d stood at that closed door for what seemed an eternity, unsure what I could say that would patch up a teenage girl’s broken heart.

I thought she’d brushed things off after overhearing Becca announce that Cory would take her to the dance, but I guess with the fact that the dance had been tonight, brought all of the emotions in her to a head.

Once I’d found the strength, I’d broken that barrier by offering her a hug because no words seemed sufficient enough. Despite knowing what that felt like, despite knowing I’d once caused a broken heart, there never seemed to be a single word that would mend what had been shattered.

Azelie hadn’t said anything to me either, simply shook within my arms and then eventually pushed me away and collapsed back on the bed. So, not wanting to listen to the quiet bickering between my parents and Colette’s, I escaped to the one place I’d always found some peace.

But this time, the solitude was overwhelming. Everything was about to boil over, whether I liked it or not. Final decisions were made, and I wasn’t sure if there was a way back from the trauma that I might cause in the process.

The moment Colette found out what my job was, once I revealed that I may or may not have been keeping tabs on her and masquerading as the Rougarou, she may immediately revert to her closed-off self.

The blame sat squarely on my shoulders, too, forgetting to mention any of that before or around the time all the secrets about her parents were revealed.

All of this was also annoying me because the main question that tumbled through my head was: Why?

Why hadn’t I said anything? Why had I hidden this from her, whether intentionally or not?

Why wasn’t I handling this like the grown ass adult I was?

Maybe because secrets were my way of life.

I was very good at keeping them—everyone on my team was.

Which explained why we so easily reconciled after Dom’s plan and Mikey’s fake death.

But Colette? She wasn’t a part of that world, nor was Azelie, or at least they hadn’t been.

It seemed they’d been unintentionally dragged into it all without their consent, and I still hadn’t provided them with the knowledge they were wrapped up in shit that shouldn’t involve them.

My decisions had brought this here. My parents knew about my job; I had to assume they understood the potential risks that came with it. But Colette didn’t know. She said she trusted me, but I wasn’t sure I’d done anything to deserve it .

Leaning back on the couch, I ran my hands over my face and shook my head. Maybe confining myself to the cabin wasn’t the smartest move. Maybe I should’ve stayed back at the house because my thoughts wouldn’t consume what final morsel of sanity tumbled around in my mind.

I’d lost a lot along this pathway I’d chosen. Taken maybe even more. And here I was, asking for blind faith from a woman who’d spent most of her life in a small town where nothing interesting happened.

Until now.

And granted, she seemed to be handling herself just fine.

I glanced at the coffee table in front of me and stared at the linen-wrapped around the gift I’d been meaning to give Colette.

And piled beneath the small package were years of yellowing letters I’d never had the guts to put in the mail for her.

Would she even accept these now? Or if she did, and connected all the dots, would she still accept me?

Especially considering the danger that lurked around the corner with O’Connor.

A click from the door handle snapped my gaze to the front door. My hand slipped to the gun hidden in my waistband, and I watched as the golden knob quietly twisted. He wasn’t back yet. He couldn’t be. Unless…

And a short, barely five-foot female frame I knew all too well appeared in the open doorway. Colette took a step inside the cabin and pushed a wayward curl from her messy bun behind her ear. She glanced toward my still figure on the couch and gave me a tight smile.

“Azelie finally fell asleep,” she muttered and shut the door behind her.

“She mentioned you visited and just held her. I know it meant a lot to her, even if there was nothing you, nor I, could say or do to fix this, since she didn’t think Cory would actually go to the dance with Becca.

Yet here we are, post-dance, and he went with her instead of Azelie. ”

Her bright green eyes met mine as she crossed the room and plopped herself down beside me on the couch with a soft bounce.

I pulled my hands to my lap and leaned my forearms against my knees.

“Part of me would like to give a good talkin’ to to Cory, another part of me would like to wring that Becca chick’s neck, while the rest of me just feels helpless.

I’m not used to feeling helpless,” I quietly replied.

Colette inhaled deeply beside me and raised her brows. “I figured it out, you know.”

“Figured what out?” I asked with furrowed brows and glanced at her.

She smiled to herself. “That you always took care of any arguments or shit I got into when we were growing up. Here I was, thinking you were the most passive guy I’d ever met, but your most basic instinct was to always protect the people you love, even if it meant doing some…

” She paused and tipped her head toward me.

“Some slightly crazy things that I won’t ask for details about. ”

“Anything would be inadmissible in court anyway, seeing as it’s been fifteen years,” I quipped back, feeling a soft weight leave my shoulders.

“I don’t think it quite works like that, but I’m also not just talking about growing up, Ford.” She pulled her legs up onto the couch and slid sideways so she was facing me straight on.

Leaning back, I stared at the wall across from us. “What are you accusing me allegedly of doing?”

She giggled. “You know what I’m talking about, Rougarou. ”

I gasped and let my jaw drop in overexaggerated shock as relief flooded my figure. She knew. She’d already known. For how long, I didn’t care; it was nice to know that she wasn’t pissed at me. “You know what will happen if you speak that name out loud!”

Her smile widened. “I think the curse would be much less than whatever fate you face impersonating it.” I finally looked at her, and the crinkles at the edges of her eyes softened.

“Thank you for finding a way to take care of me, no matter how awful I’d been to you. I’m not great at accepting help.”

I studied her for a moment, soaking in every freckle that dotted her cheeks, every eyelash that curled upwards and brushed against her eyelids. Every imperfection that had never looked so perfect upon a face danced in front of me as delicately as the petals of a flower just coming into bloom.

“I’m surprised you’re not a little upset about it,” I muttered, and she rolled her emerald eyes.

“I was, for only a moment, until I realized why you did it that way. And when another dude stabbed you with my knives that he stole, then I was no longer mad at you but at him, because no one stabs you but me. With those knives anyway,” she answered with a twitch of her lips.

“Oh, so if I hadn’t been stabbed by that guy, you’d still be mad at me?”

“Obviously, because I wouldn’t have been more mad that my knives were stolen,” she teased, and a twinkle danced in her eyes.

With a shake of my head, I scooted forward to the edge of the couch and reached into the duffel. “Speaking of knives, I got you something,” I said and pulled the wrapped package out but left the letters inside .

Her brows stitched together as I slid back and faced her. Colette dropped her knees and smoothed out a few wrinkles in her black leggings. “What’s that?” she asked.

“I had a buddy help me make these a few years ago. I don’t think you’ll miss your old pair.” I extended the gift to her, and she reached forward. But then I yanked it back and narrowed my eyes. “But, you first have to promise you won’t use these on me.”

She crossed her arms over her chest and tipped her head. “What happens if I don’t make that promise?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “Well, then I guess you’ll never know what this is. I’ll just give them back to Mikey. He’ll find good use for them.” I twisted to the edge of the couch one more time as her hand shot forward and slapped against my forearm.

“I was kidding. I promise I won’t use those on you,” she quickly stated and sucked in her bottom lip.

With a shake of my head, I chuckled to myself and passed the gift to her. She placed the present in her lap and briefly clenched her hands. “Who’s Mikey?” she suddenly asked and snapped her eyes away from the package.

I pursed my lips. “Will you just open it? Damn,” I said.

She clicked her tongue but looked back down. “Fine, fine,” she replied and dove at the brown twine tying it together. With a quick tug, the rope fell apart, and she peeled the cloth back to reveal the contents.

Her eyes widened as her mouth fell open. “No. Way,” she gasped and slid out two knives from their leather sheaths. The same green alligator design was etched into the hilts, but these weapons were meant to do some serious damage. They weren’t the toys that I’d crudely crafted all those years ago.

The faint yellow lights of the living room flickered against the untouched steel of the blades as she let them twist in her palms. “These are…” Her voice faded out as the perfectly balanced daggers rested perfectly in her hands.

“And the sheaths? The spider lilies were your doing?” she breathlessly asked.

“Mikey helped me with the knives since he’s rather proficient in that style of fighting, but leather work is something I am rather good at on my own,” I replied.

A slow whistle left her lips as she slid the pristine blades back into their covers.

Her fingers stroked across the leather that, while larger than her old knives, they’d still conceal easily while being worn on her thighs or wherever she saw fit.

“They’ll probably take a bit of getting used to, and if you want to learn more shit with them, let me know and I’ll wrangle Mikey into teaching you. I’m better with big fucking guns and shit like that then the finesse of knife fighting,” I added as her eyes lifted to mine again.

“That makes zero fucking sense, but okay!” she squealed, rapidly set the knives on the table and launched herself at me.

She tossed her arms around my neck. “Thank you! Just thank you! That’s the most thoughtful gift I’ve ever received, aside from the first set of knives you gave me.

” She squeezed tightly as I remained absolutely still.

I hadn’t expected her to react so…giddy-like.

This was much more how she’d once been around me—more carefree, and definitely less mature than she acted now. For a moment, the burdens of life lifted, and the shadow of a moonless sky faded to a starry canvas of beautiful memories. We weren’t plagued with what was still to come.

“And the spider lilies,” she whispered as she slid her arms away from around my neck, but she didn’t move away from me.

The warmth of her body heat wrapped me in a painting of where we’d first fallen in love.

Now, it seemed to be happening all over again, but in a new way. In a way that was stronger and lasting.

“They didn’t scare you off?” I hesitantly asked.

She giggled gently. “I mean, it was a little startling at first, because it was kind of stalker-ish. But then I realized the only person who knew they’re my favorite flower is you.”

I shook my head. “Damn it. Apparently, I’m not even a good stalker.”

Her grin widened as tension slithered in the air like smoke from a bonfire. “Technically, you’re the best kind because you never got caught. I had to pull a confession out of you.”

“See, but you still knew it was me before I admitted to it,” I teased.

“I’ll admit the Rougarou disguise did get me for a while, and if I hadn’t caught a glimpse of your tattoos, I probably wouldn’t have put that together.”

“At least I got that goin’ for me,” I replied with a smile. “Anyway, why’d you come out here tonight and not stay at the house?”

Her gaze slid around our temporary getaway from a world that would be waiting for us in the morning. “Because I knew you were out here,” she whispered and brought her beautiful eyes back to mine.

Maybe it was the way she spoke, or the way she looked at me, but not a word came to my mind. The devil that constantly barked was quiet, so silent that the gentle bellows of the gators in the distant outside seemed to be the only sound to break the slowing of time between us.

She’d always been the one for me. I’d known that my entire life, but at this moment, it had never been so difficult to breathe, yet I’d never felt so alive and free at the same time.

Her chest rose slow and steady as her eyes bore into mine, as if she could read every dark thought and discover every depraved hollow part of my blackened soul.

But I didn’t want this to happen unless she knew everything about me that I could share.

“There are things I still haven’t told you,” I finally croaked out. “And there are things I’ll never be able to tell you.”

Her face softened as she reached forward and traced a finger across the scar on my jaw.

“I don’t care because every secret you’ve kept from me was with the intention to protect me.

You never gave up on me, and you never stopped loving me.

I don’t care right now about anything you haven’t shared with me, because I love you, Ford.

” Her bottom jaw trembled as she rested her hand against my cheek, and tears glistened in her eyes.

“I think fifteen years is long enough, don’t you? ”

I closed my eyes as her lips crashed into mine. She was the only heaven I’d ever make it to.