Page 14 of What I Should Have Felt (Anchors and Eagles #4)

COLETTE

J ust as I neared the front of the Thibodeauxs’ restaurant, the front door swung open, and out came the very man I was looking for.

But he wasn’t alone. I glanced back at the street as confusion and shock boiled within my stomach.

There was a cop with him, and a cruiser sat parked on the side of the road, directly in front of the restaurant.

Why was a police officer here? Was Ford in trouble? Why hadn’t he called me for—

Wait.

I shook my head as their quiet conversation floated into the air.

Ford hadn’t called me for fifteen years.

He hadn’t needed me for fifteen years; why would he need me now?

There it was. My irrational self trying to come up with a reason to be mad at him.

I’d spent so much time being angry at him for leaving that it had practically become part of my identity.

A part of me that I didn’t like at all .

The cop nodded once at Ford, shook his hand, and with his belt jingling, he walked across the sidewalk to his car.

I turned back to look at Ford, who was already staring at me.

His two different-colored eyes, deeply set beneath pronounced brow ridges, studied me with an intensity that sent a shiver down my spine.

I remained still. Frozen in place by a look that held an entire world of desire and regret. Pain encompassed his massive frame in a way that seemed as haunting as if he were a ghost himself in a life that he’d never truly owned.

He’d left as an unsteady, unsure boy and come back a man who was confident in himself, yet burdened by what seemed like death itself.

I had been clinging to this idea that he was still the kid he left as, because that made hating him so much easier, but as his gaze lingered on me, unmoving and unwavering, I knew that to be entirely false.

Letting go of what he’d done wasn’t going to be easy, I knew that. But I believed he knew that, too, and yet, he seemed unafraid to do whatever it took.

His gaze flickered away from my eyes, darting down to my lips and then back up.

My heart skipped a beat, landing directly in sync with his again.

For the first time in years, I felt…human again.

I felt some semblance of being a wild woman again.

This time, it seemed, if , and I mean a big if, I toyed with the idea that something could happen between us, I wouldn’t be the one in charge.

He would lead me.

Which seemed rather conflicting with the image I tried to convey to everyone else .

No, I couldn’t even toy with that idea. I had others who counted on me. Who needed me to continue doing as I’d always done. Especially Azelie.

Ford slowly tipped his head sideways as a crease formed between his brows. Subconsciously, I mirrored his movement. Maybe letting things go just a smidge for just a moment wouldn’t be… a terrible thing. Right? Maybe because we were both different people now, it would work this time.

I sucked in a tiny bit of my bottom lip as his rough kiss from two days ago danced through my mind.

Passionate and strong, he’d tasted sweeter than I remembered.

It was as if that was the first kiss we’d ever shared with each other, and every kiss that came after would be in comparison to that one.

His rough hands, palms that were covered in calluses acquired from a life I wasn’t privy to, had danced against my hips, my arms, my wrists, and my cheeks, and for a moment, I’d felt feminine and strong all at the same time.

Ford’s chest expanded slowly, raising shoulders that were broad and thick.

Damn, was he a specimen to behold. Not the tall, skinny kid whom I’d once loved.

I tipped my head the other way, and this time he followed suit.

Something about the spark that had once glowed in his piercing gaze seemed dampened.

It didn’t shine quite as brightly, and there was a part of my soul that wished to wrap around his and take away whatever anguish twisted inside of him.

And I somehow knew it wasn’t just from the remorse he felt about leaving me .

“Your mom seems rather pissed,” Ford finally spoke, and my eyes widened.

Shit. Right. My mom.

The whole reason I was over here.

“You fucker,” I snarled, threw my hands on my hips with a shake of my head, and stalked forward.

The crease between his brows deepened as he tucked his chin down against his chest, lowering his gaze to me while I closed the distance between us.

“It’s your fault I was attacked!” I continued with a shout.

“What the hell?” he muttered.

I curled my fingers up and then grimaced. “Sorry about this,” I whispered and then slapped him. A sharp sting shot up my arm as my palm connected with his cheek.

But he didn’t even wince. “The fuck did I do this time?” He placed his palm against the red forming on his skin.

With an over exaggerated cock of my hip, I raised my voice even louder. “It’s your fault I was attacked, and you need to fix it!”

He dropped his hand back down to his side. “Again with this?”

I narrowed my gaze, attempting to get some sort of rise out of him. “You should turn yourself in! It’s the least you could do since everything that happened to me is because of you!”

“Will you quit shouting?” he calmly asked, casually watching me.

“NO! You’re the reason I was hurt! It’s always your fault. You hurt me. Again.” I jabbed a finger against his chest and lowered my voice, sending every ounce of lingering rage that seethed within me. “That’s all you’re good for, is to hurt others.”

And his jaw twitched. His eyes flashed with sorrow, turning briefly hollow.

I slammed my lips together. No. What had I just done? That was too deep of a dig. This was supposed to just be for a show for my mom until she went back into the restaurant and I could actually talk to Ford about what happened and ask him why a cop was here.

Ford’s shoulders fell, and he pulled his eyes away from me in defeat.

Silence stretched thin between us. I should say something, but I wasn’t sure what. There was nothing that could take back what I’d said, nothing that could change the knife I’d just twisted in his stomach.

He leaned away from me slightly, his gaze darted above my head, and then for a moment, he drifted off somewhere in his mind that wasn’t here. I closed my eyes. This time, I’d gone too far. He’d hurt me, yes. But that was fifteen years ago, and he wasn’t that same person. Nor was I.

“Was all that for show because of your mom?” he finally muttered beneath his breath.

My eyes shot open as a sliver of hope bled through the cracks in the despair I’d just created.

“Yes,” I stated. “Yes.”

Please, forgive me , I silently pleaded.

Slowly, he bobbed his head up and down and then brought his gaze back to mine. He didn’t move, nor did I. I simply widened my eyes, raised my brows, and tried everything in my power to convey that I was so sorry. That I hadn’t actually, totally meant what I’d said.

Suddenly, he shot forward and wrapped an arm around my waist. The world flipped upside down as he tossed me over his shoulder, and I was staring at his ass.

“What the hell, Ford?” I shrieked.

Though, his ass was not a bad view…

Shaking my head, I closed my eyes and slammed a fist against his back. “What are you doing?” I cried out again.

He marched down the sidewalk, tightening his hold around me. “Your mom went inside so we’re gonna fucking talk in private,” he replied.

With large, bounding footsteps that seemed way too quiet for his size, he weaved through the clueless, sparse crowd and shot down the alleyway I could’ve sworn I’d just walked up a few minutes ago.

His massive palm smacked against my butt.

“Stop, Ford. What are you doing?” I asked with a crack in my voice. I wasn’t sure whether it was supposed to be a giggle or some sort of involuntary jolt of shock expressed through some fucking noise in my throat, but some strange sound came out as he proceeded to pat my other ass cheek.

Then fingers dug into the pocket where I’d stuffed my car keys, and he pulled them out. Still not a word left his lips as I heard a click, and then lights flashed on my vehicle.

Now, his chest rumbled with a chuckle. “A Honda CR-V?”

“Don’t judge, asshole. It’s a very practical vehicle, okay?” I pursed my lips and attempted to cross my arms, even though I knew he couldn’t see it.

“Fair. Just not what I pictured for you as a grown adult is all.”

“And what vehicle did you picture for me? ”

He shrugged, which shifted me tighter against his neck.

“Not really sure, just something more… forceful. No.” He shook his head and finally stopped walking.

I peered around his back and found he’d paused in front of my gray car.

“More assertive. Wait.” He paused speaking again and reached forward with a hand.

“More hostile. Yeah, that’s the right word,” he said, and a click sounded.

The world blurred around me once more as I was flung from his shoulder.

My back slammed against a seat, and the gray interior roof of my car came into focus just in time to watch him climb in after me and shove me the rest of the way across the back, forcing me up against the far door.