Page 13 of What I Should Have Felt (Anchors and Eagles #4)

COLETTE

A ir was absent. Oxygen had left with Ford as he’d disappeared from the bathroom yesterday. His mawmaw had come and knocked on the door, offering me a pair of ill-fitting clothes that I’d quickly traded out for my wet ones, then I disappeared outside without noticing a single thing about his house.

His bedroom door, just down the hall from the bathroom, had been shut, and I was running on shock and guilt from his aggressive and desperate kiss, leaving me unable to find the strength to knock before I’d left.

Plus, the revelation that his mawmaw clearly knew about us fueled my exit out of that home as quickly and quietly as possible.

And I’d avoided any place where we could’ve accidentally run into each other for the rest of that day. I hadn’t gone into town. Hadn’t visited the restaurant. And made sure Azelie was always with my parents as I buried myself in non-existent work at the clinic.

The inevitable ghost lingering over my shoulder followed me all around work yesterday, and now today, as I sat in my car, parked behind the restaurant, it was still there.

When would O’Connor strike next, and why had he put a pause on going after the Thibodeauxs simply because he hadn’t known about Ford before?

Something else also told me Ford knew more about this entire situation than he let on.

There was a voice gnawing at the back of my head saying he questioned O’Connor just like I did, and he didn’t believe that snake was “taking a break.” There was something deeper at play.

Ford wasn’t dumb, far from it. In fact, he let people underestimate his intelligence all the time, or at least he had while growing up.

But he clearly wasn’t the boy I’d known growing up.

Part of me felt like that was my fault. I was still angry at him.

But more so, I was angry at myself. Mostly angry for not being more angry at him.

Or at least angry for longer. He’d been back for less than a week, and I was already feeling my rock-solid walls crumble around him.

And whatever this was, it felt new, almost refreshing.

Obviously, the tension and desire between us that I’d always felt were still there, evident from the rough kiss we shared.

But I still hadn’t told him about Liam, and if he knew…

Would that change things? Would he think I wasn’t worth pursuing anymore?

He’d clearly never let me go—it was obvious that I was his one and only love—so if he found out about Liam, would he feel betrayed, even though Liam had been killed by a drunk driver eleven years ago?

Besides, Ford had left me. I thought he’d never come back. So, I’d moved on. And while I knew there was nothing wrong with that, I’d already had an incredible love with Liam. Leaving me to wonder if I was even deserving of another chance with Ford.

I leaned my head back against the rest, wishing I could use the excuse of a busy day at the clinic again today, but I couldn’t. The doctor O’Connor hired really hurt me on a professional front.

Despite the fact that I knew the patients wanted to see me, O’Connor and Dr. Brandt had done everything possible to keep me from having any appointments. All of the changes about home life had left me so occupied and overwhelmed that Ford’s arrival had even held less of a shock in this little town.

I missed it.

That sense of home and community that I grew up with.

No matter how much my family and the Thibodeauxs were at each other’s throats, in the end, when it really mattered, the entire town had always been there for each other. Nobody went hungry, nobody lacked for water or warmth, or a nice crisp, air-conditioned roof over their heads.

We looked out for each other.

And then this nasty motherfucker, Robert O’Connor, showed up, and within four months had turned everything upside down. Most of the people who remained were either too old to leave, stayed to take care of the elderly, or were too poor to go anywhere else.

I did what I could for free, but even then, things just weren’t the same.

Azelie hadn’t been able to grow up with that same sense of community.

My parents were more extreme with her around Ford’s parents and his mawmaw than they’d been with me.

I shook my head and attempted to count how many times we’d been on a walk with Azelie when she was little and Ford’s family would come into our vicinity.

Then suddenly I couldn’t find Azelie, and at least one of my parents.

Wait… Confusion rippled through me as it hit me. Ford’s family had never been anywhere near Azelie at all until a bit more recently. As in, they’d not once seen her up close to notice anything more than what I could imagine was her red hair before she’d become a teenager.

And it was all by my parents’ doing.

How odd…

But that didn’t matter right now. What did matter was the current situation with O’Connor. Everything just seemed…fishy. Too coincidental to have happened without it being purposeful, even when something was “an accident.”

I knew that my parents were going to give me lip once I walked inside that restaurant, because no matter how much I’d managed to clean things up after being attacked, my excuse of tripping and bumping my head would be unraveled in an instant.

Except for the fact that when I’d returned to clean things up, all the bodies that I could’ve sworn had been left for dead were gone without a trace—including my knives.

I knew I wasn’t as sane as I pretended to be, because losing those knives pissed me off more than the fact that I was taken hostage.

Shaking my head, I turned off the ignition and stepped into the blistering heat. No matter how much I dreaded heading into the restaurant and facing the ass chewing my parents were about to give me, there was nothing else keeping me in my vehicle .

I rolled my shoulders, clicked the key fob to lock my car, and hustled through the alleyway that also held no evidence of dead bodies.

Inching my brows together, I took my time walking around the restaurant’s garbage bins, inspecting every brick and cobblestone that could hide blood.

Yet, just as there had been when I’d come to clean up, there was nothing.

It baffled me that bodies could just…disappear like that. But it also made me even more concerned. I’d heard the rumors as we all had, when O’Connor had made threats when he’d first come to town.

Except I hadn’t believed them. Until now.

Unless… No… The Rougarou wouldn’t have come back to eat them… That wasn’t part of the legend, at least not the stories that my parents had told me.

With one final sweep across the alley, I wandered out to the street and watched as everything seemed back to its usual slow hustle.

Cars drove on by without a second glance at this pass-through town.

Although the restaurant wasn’t set to open for another hour, it was still disheartening to see people not so much as turn their heads as they moved from one store to another.

Despite the urge that begged me to look down the road and see if Ford was at his parents’ restaurant, I turned away and opened the front door of LeBlanc’s Cajun Haven .

The sizzle of food on the grill in the back hit my ears the moment I walked in.

Chairs were still stacked on the tables, and the pile of menus to my right on the hostess stand was in need of organizing.

Without calling out that I was here, I got to work pulling seats down and wiping off the tables .

I needed time to gather my thoughts. Thoughts that consistently went back to the man I had foolishly tried to sneak up on. Honestly, I wasn’t even sure why I’d reacted like that. It wasn’t like he was at fault for O’Connor’s decision or his actions.

But what had caught me off guard was just how aggressive yet calm Ford seemed.

Straightforward. To the point. And very much not concerned about being butt-ass naked. I pulled my lips between my teeth and bit back a smile as I braced with my hands against a table.

Damn, he was fucking hot.

I knew how lustful that thought was, and it certainly put a chink in the independence I was clinging to, but there was no denying he’d grown into something I wanted to wrap my legs around and—

“Colette?!” my mom shouted, her voice piercing like a knife through the very dirty thoughts I shouldn’t be having.

Thoughts I hadn’t had in years. Thoughts I hadn’t allowed myself to have until now. Thoughts that made me feel like a giddy teenager itching for the next second I could sneak off to do some very naughty things with a hunk of a—

“Colette!” my mom shouted again.

I blinked and whipped around, tucking my hands behind my back. “Mom,” I gasped. I prayed she wouldn’t notice the heat blooming in my cheeks.

“Your father and I know why you avoided the restaurant all day yesterday. How could you not tell us, though? I had to hear it from someone else!” She threw her hands on her hips, the same apron wrapped around her waist with a new hair net holding back the coily strands of hair that refused to cooperate.

My heart dropped to my toes, and my eyes widened. There was no way she knew about Ford and my encounter yesterday … She couldn’t.

“Uh…” I mumbled. With a racing pulse, I swallowed stiffly.

“What if Azelie had been here?” she continued.

I furrowed my brows. Azelie? What did Azelie have to do with Ford and me, other than the massive lie that we all told everyone?

“I know you’re capable of taking care of yourself, but O’Connor’s men are big and ruthless. They hurt your father, and now you!” She closed her eyes as her bottom jaw trembled.

Relief flooded my figure, and my shoulders fell away from my ears.

This wasn’t about Ford.

“Mama, I’m all right. Just a bump to the back of the head. It was a scare tactic, that’s all.”

“A scare tactic? Then why was there blood on the floor?!” Her eyes shot open, and she closed the distance between us.

“It’s those damn Thibodeauxs’ fault! If that—” She clicked her tongue as her mouth pulled into a thin line.

Her jaw clenched as she curled her fingers into a ball.

“If that horrible son of theirs hadn’t returned, you wouldn’t have been hurt. ”

“I’m fine, really. Other than a bonk on the—”

“Absolutely not. You will go over there and tell Ford to turn himself over to O’Connor. It’s the least he could do after causing all of this.” She pursed her lips and cocked her hip.

“Mom, seriously. He didn’t cause all this. Besides, what good would that do? ”

“Either you go over there, or I will. But either way, that boy will face the consequences,” she spat.

Anger boiled my blood, and I swallowed stiffly.

Ford was not a boy.

Besides, I’d already threatened him and asked him to fix this shit, even though he wasn’t really at fault.

Part of me wasn’t ready to admit I’d sought him out for comfort and safety after everything had happened.

Part of me wasn’t ready to admit that I’d merely found an acceptable excuse to seek him out.

She raised a brow. “It’s you or me, Colette. And if I go over there, there will be blood because I am not losing to them.”

“I’ll go, jeez,” I muttered and plopped my rag down on the table.

I didn’t want to lose to them either, but after accusing Ford—after being attacked—something had shifted inside me.

The feud between us and the Thibodeauxs seemed less important now.

Especially since I never understood why we were fighting them to begin with.

“Don’t take it easy on him just because he’s been gone for a while, either; he’s still a Thibodeaux, and if he finds out about you-know-what, everything changes,” my mom called out after me as I walked out of the restaurant.

Normally, that would’ve fueled a fire in my belly to give Ford absolute hell.

Or at least I thought it would, considering I’d already tried to sneak up on him and stab him again.

But maybe it was because I’d already tried to push the blame onto him.

Or maybe it was because of the kiss, but either way, all it did was frustrate me .

In reality, it was probably because I’d finally admitted to myself that the true anger festering within me wasn’t directed at Ford, but at myself.