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FIFTY-FIVE

JACK

MARCH

I flagged Sydney down in the café where we agreed to meet.

I already had her favorite coffee ordered for her and waiting.

I gave her a heads up that we had to move, and I wanted to bring the kids. But that would mean next to no custody for her. Just a few weeks in the summer. Some holidays here and there. I wanted to meet face to face to have us hash out anything we might need to work out.

“Hey.”

“Hi,” she said miserably.

“Thanks for being here,” I tried.

She nodded. “So you want to take them with you?”

I chewed my bottom lip. “If I can.”

Her eyes cast downward. She wasn’t wearing her usual full face of makeup. Her hair was just down and straight without her usual extensions, covered with a ballcap. “It’s probably better that way.”

I didn’t quite know how to read that. “I know it’s not easy. They do love you.”

Syd picked at her thumbnail. “I love them too.” She rolled her lips between her teeth. “But I’m not sure I had them for the right reasons.”

My brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

She wouldn’t meet my eyes. “I just thought it was what I was supposed to do. Marry the athlete. Have his babies. Keep the athlete life.”

My lips fell open.

“Don’t look at me like that,” she snapped. “I know it’s bad.”

“Syd, I know you try to be a good mom.”

“But I’m not,” she said, pinching her lips together. “I know I’m not. They need so much and it’s just . . . hard for me to do. I’m not a natural at it.”

I gripped her hand on the table. “Hey. That doesn’t change that you’re their mom. You do love them, right?”

“Yes. I’m not a monster,” she grumbled. “I already said that.”

I lifted my hand from hers and held it up. “Just trying to make a point.”

Sydney still looked so profoundly sad.

“I’m not trying to take them from you.”

“I know.” She swallowed hard and met my eyes under her ballcap. “I just wish I was better for them.”

I chuckled. “I think we all wish that as parents.”

Her eyes softened. “But you’re a good dad.”

“Can you say that for the record?” I teased, and she laughed. “How’s the dentist boyfriend?”

She snorted. “He’s alright. Making me work in his office, but it’s not so bad. How’s the wife?”

“She’s really great. I hope you can see that someday.”

Syd shrugged. “I’m sorry we didn’t work out. I don’t think you’re a bad person.”

I clutched her hand one more time. “I don’t think you are either. As long as you’re trying, that’s the best you can do.”

She laughed. “Don’t go all soft on me.”

“It’s disgusting, right? I’m so soft now.”

“You know what, Jack?” she said. “It suits you.”

Before I headed to the airport for Ohio, Mara and I had one last piece of business to settle.

“We can do this,” I said to Mara, squeezing her hand.

We were at her divorce attorney’s office. We explained our situation, or rather, the situation I created and the risk. She came up with a solution that would work to protect us and alleviate some of the worry while we headed for our new life in Ohio.

Bryce’s face was already on a screen where he was dialing in to the meeting. He wore a button-down and khakis and looked like a huge nerd if I’m being honest. But then I saw the crutches next to his chair and realized I probably didn’t need to shit on him any more than I already had.

Mara and I sat on the opposite side of the table and her attorney spoke first. “We’re here to officially settle some of the complaints between Mr. Canton and Mrs. Leroy.”

I squeezed Mara’s knee under the table.

“Bryce, our proposal is to have you sign a non-disclosure agreement that you will not share what happened between you and Mr. Leroy earlier this month. In exchange, you will not pay the back child support you owe, nor will you be accountable for child support as long as Mr. Leroy and Mrs. Leroy are married. Also, Mr. Leroy will become a guardian for Hazel and Aspen and Mr. Canton will be able to request time with his children at the discretion of Mr. and Mrs. Leroy.”

Silence followed as Bryce absorbed the details.

“You have the right to seek your own representation if you don’t find these terms amenable.”

Bryce nodded. “Sounds fair to me. Let me meditate on it and make a decision by tomorrow?”

Our attorney chuckled as Mara snarled. “I’ll send the agreement for e-signature today and you can sign whenever you’re ready.”

Bryce signed off and we all stood to shake hands.

“I think this is going to go in your favor. Congratulations,” Mara’s attorney said. “And Mr. Leroy, no more stabbing.”

I put my hands up. “A clean life from now on.”

“Except on the ice,” Mara said with a laugh.

We walked out of the attorney’s office hand in hand, and got in our car for Mara to take me to the airport.

“Alright, baby. I’ll see you in Ohio.”

“See you next week,” Mara said, rising on her toes to kiss me.

“I’ll miss you,” I said, giving her a tight squeeze.

“It’ll just be like a road trip. But a bigger one for me and the kids.”

It worked out for Gabi to accompany Mara in flying the kids across the country over the school’s spring break.

Ohio’s not California, but it was a fresh start for us. A fresh setting and a fresh mindset.

No more lies.

Just Mara and me and our kids, ready to move on as our family of six, with more love than I’d ever known.