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THIRTY-SIX

MARA

DECEMBER

Things were starting to go my way. I was able to grab a cancellation spot to see the rheumatologist sooner than the predicted six to twelve months. I wouldn’t have been able to sneak out to an appointment so easily if I hadn’t taken Jack up on his offer. It seemed like that bonkers investment was now paying its dividends for my health.

I had a whole bevy of X-rays, MRIs, and blood tests to get the status of where I was and where we could reasonably make accommodations to make my life easier.

The thing that I was most hopeful, and nervous, about was a compounded medication that could make my full-body pain episodes less frequent. I held it together in her office, but when I got out to my car, I cried and cried. How many years had I spent in pain without any hope of reprieve? And it could still not work, but just to be heard was something remarkable. How many times had I been told I made it up?

I knew Jack might be at practice, but I chanced calling him and he answered.

“Hey, you,” he said, his voice so affectionate I could have died. I sniffled and he said, “What’s wrong? Where are you?”

I laughed. “No, I’m fine. I’m really good. They might—” I cut myself off with sobs, “have a medicine that will work for me. For my pain. All the time.”

Jack gasped on the other end of the phone. “Mara, that’s so incredible. What amazing news! When can you get the meds?”

“They have to send it to a special compounding pharmacy, but I’m just,” I sucked a choppy breath, “I’m so relieved there’s a chance I’ll feel better.”

Jack’s voice sounded garbled when he spoke again. “Mara, I’m so happy for you.”

“That’s what all this was for,” I said with a hiccup. “I’m sorry I’m crying so hard.”

“Don’t apologize, sweetheart. It’s the best news.”

“What if it doesn’t work?” I coughed out.

“Hey,” he said, waiting for me to calm down a little. “Then we’ll try the next thing. Okay? This is just the beginning.”

My teeth almost chattered with all the emotions pouring out. “Just the beginning. You mean you’re not divorcing me since you solved my problem?”

“Of course not, baby.” He hesitated. “I’m in this for good.”

For good .

“Yeah?”

“Yes. I can’t wait to see you tonight. We can celebrate.”

I almost said it right then. Love you. But I wasn’t ready just yet. And I knew he wasn’t ready.

But everything was starting to feel so real.