Page 36

THIRTY-FIVE

MARA

NOVEMBER

“Okay, open your eyes.”

Jack stood by our bed, both of us still in our wedding clothes, flourishing his arms to a purple blanket.

Our bed. I didn’t have my own bed anymore.

“A blanket?” I said, trying to sound excited.

He bent to hold up a plug. “An electric blanket. And I put another one downstairs by your spot on the couch.”

“Aw, Jack,” I said, walking to him and hugging him. “I got you a little something too.”

I went into the closet and pulled out a small package, extending it to him.

“You didn’t have to get me anything.”

I rolled my eyes. “Shut up, wiener. Open it.”

Jack ripped the deep burgundy paper to find a set of fancy binoculars.

“I thought it might help with your birdwatching.”

Jack swallowed hard and stared at the binoculars in his hand.

“I can return it if you already have some.”

“They’re perfect,” he choked out.

“Okay? I’m glad you like them?”

“I love them, “ he said, crossing to set them next to his jewelry dish on the dresser. He unclipped his cuff links and put them in the dish, not looking at me. “Thank you.”

“Did I do something wrong?” I asked.

“No, they’re just . . . really thoughtful.”

I cocked my head. “Gifts are supposed to be?”

“They are,” he agreed, sighing and turning to examine me, still in my wedding gown. “Um, I got you something else too. Something to wear, if you want.”

“Oh?”

He produced a large, flat box that was surprisingly light. Eyeing him sidelong, I pulled the ribbon and lifted the lid. Inside, nestled in tissue paper was some delicate white silk and lace. I gasped as I lifted it by the straps.

A very, very sexy teddy.

I was getting emotional. Why was I getting emotional?

Because I only wanted sex if it came with the possibility of love. We’d let the steam off. I couldn’t do more without more from him.

“It’s beautiful, Jack,” I said, my hands and voice trembling. I needed to clear the air. “Did you expect something of me tonight?”

He shook his head. “I expect nothing. I wanted to hold up my end of the bargain with nice things for you.”

I nodded. “You did good. It’s gorgeous. But I meant what I said at the courthouse. Tonight was so nice, but . . .”

Jack rolled his lips between his teeth. “I know.”

“Unless . . .”

He split his thumb and forefinger over his eyebrows. “I want to, Mara. I want to be that guy for you. You deserve that.” His eyes were wet as he looked into mine, drawing ragged breaths between each statement. “I’m scared. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to say it again. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to feel it. It was just too hard before.”

“With her?”

“With her. Everything was so transactional. Contingent. I was only worth what I could do for her.”

My brow wrinkled. “Isn’t that our arrangement? An even trade?”

Jack pressed his lips together and looked at the floor between us. “I guess you’re right. It’s no different.”

“It could be different,” I said, trying to get through to him. I thought I’d convinced him. I thought with all the kisses and cuddles on our date, our sweet time on the beach, I thought maybe it’d be different. I thought maybe he’d see he was worthy.

But I couldn’t force him to be open to love. And Jack’s silence spoke louder than his actions. “Thanks for the gifts. I’m going to get ready for bed.”

I slipped into my normal pajamas and went to brush my teeth. Jack used a separate bathroom and managed to beat me back to the bed. He was turned on his side, facing away from me. There was no way he was asleep, but he didn’t speak.

Guess that settled that.

I got into bed, the warmth from the electric blanket feeling especially decadent on my forever-frozen toes.

But despite the warmth, I felt empty. I turned to face away from him too. If he could play that game, so could I.

I started my ritual of taking deep breaths to settle in for sleep, trying to come up with something to think about while I went to sleep that didn’t involve the man on the other side of the bed.

On my fourth breath, a bare foot drifted over my calf. Maybe just a fluke .

Then I heard the rustle and felt the thump of Jack turning onto his back, then his side to face me.

A soft fingertip stroked up the back of my thigh. My breath stuttered as my hand reached back to link with his.

What was this? An olive branch?

He held my hand firmly for a moment, then sank his fingers into my thigh. I turned onto my back. Where he faced me, his breath feathered over my clavicles and down my breasts. I wished I had on that sexy little tissue of a nightie he got for me. His fingertips dragged up the inside of my arm and my whole body rolled, warmth pooling between my legs and a sigh escaping my lips.

“You feel so good, sweetheart,” he whispered, his lips ghosting up my neck. My nipples stiffened into hardened peaks. Would he be able to make me come without hardly touching me? How was this happening?

My hand searched for him, his skin, and I found the soft cotton of his boxer briefs.

“Mar,” he moaned.

And that’s what snapped me out of it. “No. Not if you won’t love me.”

I sat up, waiting for my hips to settle before standing and storming to the closet where I’d left the box with the sexy lingerie in it. I grabbed it and stepped into the bathroom, closing the door behind me.

It was my wedding night. To my convenience business transaction of a husband. My hot convenience business transaction husband.

Jack was committed to saving his body for me, but not his heart. I wanted to give him my heart and body, but not without his heart. We couldn’t have both. We were at a standstill.

I ripped off my soft pajamas in a rage, tossing them against the bathroom wall. I looked at myself in the mirror: I still had my wedding hair, but my makeup was gone. I was naked, but not for long. With one hand on the counter, I stepped into the lace, which could barely qualify as more than a handkerchief to cover part of my stomach. It was crotchless and even my breasts were almost fully out.

But goddamn, did I look amazing. Fucking gorgeous. Jack would die if he saw me like this. Did I look like I did in my twenties? Before kids? Absolutely not. Silvery stretch marks lined my breasts, belly, hips, and upper thighs. I had curves that seemed permanent at this point. According to society, I was not the ideal.

But Jack begged for me. He knew my worth.

But most importantly, I knew my worth. I was worthy of love and good sex and passion and a partner who would honor that. I had earned the woman in the mirror, the woman who was taking what she deserved.

It was like my whole body was blossoming.

Unfolding.

Blooming.

For Jack.

I knew I was worth love and that Jack couldn’t give it. But I knew the man in the next room had the power to make me feel good, and I wanted that too. My body was at war with my heart, and it was the most infuriating thing I’d ever endured.

A blend of arousal and fury reddened my cheeks. I couldn’t look at myself anymore. I turned my back on the mirror and rested my ass on the edge of the counter, clawing my fingers up my inner thigh, needing the sweet bite of pain to match the torture within me. I groaned, then passed a finger down my slit.

Fucking soaked.

I spread my wetness around and imagined Jack was the one to spread it with his tongue. I threw my head back and let out some sort of feral sound as my fingers circled my clit, relief so close and so far away.

“Mara,” came the growl from the other side of the door.

“I’m in the bathroom,” I said, like I was annoyed. And I kind of was. There was only room for a winner and a loser in this battle, and I was a sore loser.

Jack drew a breath, seemingly through his teeth by the sound of it. “Are you touching yourself?”

“That’s none of your business,” I snapped.

The door swung open and he raised his scarred eyebrow at me, standing in his underwear and panting. “You’re my wife. If you want to be touched, I’ll be the one doing the touching.”

“I’m not your property,” I huffed, sitting farther back on the counter. I spread my legs, catching my heels at the counter’s edge, forcing him to see me. “I only want to be touched if I’ll be loved.”

Jack came to stand between my open legs, palming his erection. His chest quivered where he sucked in air. “Why? You don’t love me.”

“Not yet. But I will.” I tossed my hair over my shoulder so he got a full view of my exposed breasts.

“Mara, please. Just let me show you how good it can be.”

I gasped as my finger found an especially tender spot.

Jack made a noise between a groan and a cry. “I want to touch you so bad.”

My eyes bored into his. “Earn it.”

“I’m not going to tell you I love you. I’m not going to lie to you.”

“Stop lying to yourself,” I commanded. “You want this. The difference between us is that I’m willing to try.”

My fingers dipped into my pussy, pumping in and out. I lifted my slick fingers to his lips, coating them like I had lip balm on my fingers. Like the good boy he was, Jack licked them clean, humming like I was the most delicious dessert.

“I can make you a happy woman, Mara. It doesn’t have to be this hard. Just drop this whole love thing and let us be what we’re going to be.”

“If you can’t love, you don’t get this. I deserve it all.”

His hands rested gently on my shins, my legs still spread wide as I toyed with myself. “You do deserve it all, Mara. I tried to tell you that I’m not good enough for you. But we’re here, and it doesn’t have to be this hard. Why do you make it like this? You think I can’t handle it?”

My resolve was breaking down by the second. I snapped, grabbing his jaw and pulling his face down to mine. “You think you can handle it? Prove it.”

Jack’s lips latched onto mine for a kiss that was bruising, burning, fierce. His fingers trailed over my thighs, one to hold me steady and the other up the inside of my thigh. He pulled away to watch my eyes. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” I whimpered.

Jack’s fingers slipped through me easily and he let out a guttural sound. “So fucking wet, Mara. Need you now.”

He shoved his underwear down until his cock sprang free. He lifted under my ass to bring me to the edge of the bathroom counter. He ran his head along my folds, the divine pressure against my clit threatening to make me explode. I put both hands on his chest. “Jack, wait. I can’t get pregnant again. My body can’t go through that again?—”

“Vasectomy,” he said, interrupting me. The crown of his cock continued its firm grind against my clit, making my fingers dig into his biceps.

“And no one else?”

“Just you,” he said with a smirk, feeling like he knew victory was at hand. “Not bare with anyone else.”

“I knew it,” I hissed.

“I save some things for wifely privileges,” he said with a flick of his eyebrows, his first joke this whole time.

“You saved yourself for marriage,” I said as his cock notched at my entrance, but didn’t press inside. “But I’m still not getting what I need.”

“I don’t know what you want me to do, Mara. We can have a happy life, but this is one place we can’t meet.”

His words were a mallet knocking the fight out of me. My eyes searched his, looking for some other answer. Jack shook his head. “Anything but that, sweetheart. Every other part of me is yours. But that’s all I have to give.”

I had to accept. We’d done the deed and signed it too. We were married. This was it.

No man had ever given himself so fully to me, and it was fair of him to not let his deepest wounds be up for sale.

Jack needed time, maybe forever, for that to heal. He needed to be loved by someone who wouldn’t take it away when he did something wrong. He needed me to receive the rest of him before he could give me everything.

If that was the closest we’d get to love, it would have to be good enough.

His eyes searched mine, his brows drawn. “I want this, Mara.”

“I’ll take what I can get,” I whispered, gripping the back of his neck. Jack’s arms locked around me, lifting me up to him as his hungry mouth took mine.

Jack said he couldn’t give me his heart, but I knew better.

He’d already started.

It was just battered and bruised and shy. But I could be patient. And I could take this while I waited.

His lips were fevered, seizing the skin of my neck, his hands squeezing my ass to roll me against him, still not inside me. The place where we met brought exquisite, blinding pleasure and I was shameless in my pursuit of it.

I needed to be full of him, to seal our arrangement.

“Please, Jack,” I whispered.

His smirk almost landed him a smack clear across the face. “I knew you’d beg.”

“I could walk away right now,” I said with a raised brow, bracing my hands back against the counter. My wrist dug into the faucet and I didn’t even care.

Jack dipped his head to pluck one of the nightie’s straps with his teeth, then lavishing my breast with his tongue. “You and I both know that’s a lie, Mara. You can’t live another second without me.”

My brows creased because it was more than teasing. This was more than a game. And he needed to know I was taking him seriously.

“Maybe I don’t want to live without you.”

Jack’s eyes softened, and in that moment, I knew I had him. The dominos started to fall. If it had truly been a game, I’d have been thrilled I won. But it wasn’t a game, and I was being honest. The thought of a life without Jack in it had become unfathomable.

I didn’t want the win. I wanted my prize.

Him.

I pumped my hand along his length and lined him up, waiting for his nod as I wrapped my leg around his hip.

“Take it, Mara. It’s yours.”

My mouth dropped open when he stretched me, both of us looking equally shocked. Normally, I’d be working on dominating him, but this time, I didn’t care. I could be raw with him, even if it was just this once. We could put the jokes and power play aside. We could just be us, two people joined in marriage.

Jack’s voice was so low and husky I could almost feel the grate my own vocal cords would have to go through to produce that sound. “How does it feel?”

“So good.” His forehead dropped to mine and I ensnared his mouth again, then breathing with him. “It’s perfect.”

His hands were gentle on my hips, one helping to hold up my leg around his hip. Jack picked up a slow rhythm, watching my face like it held the secrets of the universe.

“Harder, Jack.”

He huffed a laugh against my neck. “I don’t want to hurt you, baby. What if I mess up your back?”

“Let me worry about that,” I said, grabbing his ass and slamming him into me. “Fuck me. Hard.”

I reared back on my sacrum, letting it press into the counter with the backs of my thighs resting on his torso.

“Fuuuuuck,” he breathed as we adjusted to the new angle. He dropped a hand to clutch my breast. “You’re so beautiful in this. I knew you would be.”

“Pick it out yourself?” I asked through panted breaths.

“Just for you, sweetheart.” With a new rush of slickness, he took on a relentless rhythm, egged on by our discussion. Maybe I wasn’t so wrong about the gift-giving kink. I didn’t really have to worry about dominating him. Jack was already forever at my mercy.

Right where I wanted him.

I curled my legs back around his hips and put my hand out for him to pull me close again. Instead of yanking me up by my hand, his hands slipped under my back, giving me full support as he sat me up.

“Don’t want you to black out,” he rasped into my ear, “unless it’s from coming too hard.”

“You’d better work for it, then,” I said, lifting my ass off the counter for a moment to position myself better. He dropped his hand between us, flattening his palm against my stomach so his bunched fingers could work my clit. “Good boy.”

He guffawed, like the phrase was ridiculous.

“You not like it when I tell you how good you are?”

“I didn’t say that,” he grunted, sweat beading on his brow.

“You’re so good, Jackie. You take such good care of me.”

Jack whimpered as he kissed me, and I wanted to give him more. My hands went back to his ass, kneading the cheeks in my palms. He let out a choked moan, so I tested a theory. I tightened my grip on his ass and he flexed into it. I looked up to check his reaction, and his eyes were not on our reflection, but on me. I slid one hand to hold his lower back, feeling the divots punctuating his spine. My other hand trailed over his ass crack, a move that made me stretch around his back. I stroked up and down, putting slightly more pressure with each pass.

“You want me to push more?”

“Don’t stop,” spilled out of his mouth before I could get my question all the way out.

“I won’t, baby,” I said. “Not until you tell me to.”

My finger reached its destination, and I pressed in on his tight hole. His whined cuss almost sent me right over the edge.

“You see, Jack, you like taking care of me, but no one’s been taking care of you. And I promise I’m going to fix it. I’m going to take care of you. I’ll give you what you need.”

“I want to do anything for you,” he gasped, swallowing hard and resting his forehead against mine again. “Fucking anything, Mara.”

I nodded, my hand grasping his side. “I’ve got you.”

His lips tightened into a line. “I want you to come, baby.”

I grabbed his hand and positioned it so his thumb could flick my clit while I fucked against him. I rolled my hips and he thrust into me, our eyes locked until mine slammed shut and my head fell back.

“That’s it, Mara. So beautiful,” he said. “Show me how pretty you are wearing this and coming on my cock.”

I bucked and cried, reaching for a hand to hold as he brought me over the edge.

He sighed long and loud as I pulsed against him. “Can I pound you through it?”

I just nodded, unable to use words. He smashed our bodies together again as his hips slapped into mine. My inner thighs buckled, my orgasm becoming one wave after another until he stilled inside me. There was a soft splat as we dripped onto the floor and we both laughed. He wiped my damp bangs off my brow.

“I think maybe we came a lot,” I joked.

“I think so,” Jack said, looking below to assess the situation. He shook his head and watched me with starry eyes. “So glad I found you, Mara.”

“Well, technically the school’s disciplinary system put us together.”

He looked past me for a moment and laughed, shaking his head.

“What?”

“I was going to say something, but it was stupid,” he mumbled.

“Say it. I’d have to file a lot of paperwork to get away from you.”

Jack gazed at me, then leaned close to my ear. “I think you’re my favorite kind of trouble.”