Page 44

FORTY-THREE

MARA

FEbrUARY

I was hoping he’d forget.

We had a rager of a party at the trampoline park, surrounded by Aspen’s best friends from school, Jack, Harper, Jace, and Hazel, and some of my cousins who came to town and brought their kids. Jack was even cordial with all the dads fangirling him and didn’t deny Aspen’s request for him to get in the ball pit along with him.

A real stab to the heart.

Jack had made up for our fight in Denver, all on the promise that I not talk about love and just let us be what we were. It took a few days for my body to get the message and for my flare-up to clear. It’s never completely emotion-driven, but it plays a big part.

Not only was he being a supportive partner, but he was incredible with my kids. With all the kids, of course, but seeing him treat mine as his own could bring me to tears in an instant.

So here, on Aspen’s birthday, I thought being with his friends and with a loving father figure would be enough.

It wasn’t.

On the way home, Aspen piped in from the backseat.

“When is Daddy calling?”

I cleared my throat and shot Jack a sidelong glance. “I think he wants to talk closer to bedtime tonight.”

And though he whined an “aww,” he seemed to accept that answer. Jack placed a hand on my knee, looking at Aspen in the rearview mirror. “What if we have your cousins over to play this afternoon after we have a little rest?”

Aspen gasped. “Really?”

“I’ll have to ask their mom, but I think that sounds fine,” I said, pulling out my phone to text my cousin.

I looked over at Jack, mouthing a “thank you.” He drew my hand up to his lips and kissed the back of it.

“Daddy, do you love Mara?” Jace chimed in.

Jack’s hand tensed in mine. “Of course,” he said through a crackly voice.

“You have to be in love to get married,” Aspen added. “And you have to not be in love to get divorced. My daddy stopped loving Mommy.”

“Daddy, you don’t love Mommy?” Harper asked Jack, her voice scared.

Jack grimaced. “I respect Mommy, honey. But I don’t love her like you do someone you marry.”

We were pulling up to a red light, and the kids pushed on. “So you love my mommy?” Aspen went on.

Rather than making Jack answer the question, I leaned across the console to kiss him.

“Oh, hi,” he rasped as he turned to find me way closer to him. We puckered up for the kiss, but it didn’t last long.

“Green light!” Jace called.

I knew Jack was trying, and that I just needed to accept that I might never hear “I love you” from him.

And if I ever did hear it, it might be a miracle.

“Aspen, honey, I think we’re just going to have to go to bed.”

We’d played with all his new toys, had my cousin’s family over for pizza and playing, and sat outside before it got too chilly. They took off to get their kids to bed at the hotel, and we got our own kids ready for bed.

It was an hour past when Bryce had told me he’d call for Aspen’s birthday. I’d fired off countless texts and even sent him two reminders earlier in the day. I could tell Aspen was worked up about talking to his dad, and I was hell bent on making it happen.

It seemed Bryce did not share that same dedication. And now, I was the one sitting with our heartbroken sobbing mess of a son.

“Sometimes emergencies come up, Asp. Maybe Daddy had something come up.”

That did nothing to stave off Aspen’s tears. I was doing my best not to cry too.

Aspen deserved better than his dad. Jack was better, and I was glad I had him to be with Aspen. But Jack would never fully replace Bryce. Aspen knew exactly what he was missing—what he had been missing since Bryce took off almost a year before. He was almost the age where he wouldn’t have remembered him, but Bryce seemed to have leaked into some core memories.

The bastard.

Maybe I was being irrational. He could very well have had an emergency. I doubted it. This wasn’t his first rodeo of not showing when he was supposed to call. I stopped telling the kids when Bryce was supposed to call because he so rarely showed up.

Jack gave Aspen and me some space while we talked through this. He said he never wanted to interfere in his relationship with Bryce, just like I didn’t want to do anything to color Jack’s kids’ perception of Sydney. They deserved that basic time and respect.

But at least Sydney mostly earned it. Bryce was never there. If it weren’t for Aspen, I wouldn’t still be trying to keep any connection to him.

Jack was pacing in the hallway while I held Aspen through his tears, acting like he was soothing Hazel, but I knew better. It was killing him to see Aspen upset.

“Does Daddy not love me?” stopped Jack in his tracks, his reddening face appearing in the slit of the cracked-open door.

“Of course he does, sweetie,” I said. “I’m sure there’s an explanation for why he’s so late. If I hear from him, I’ll let you know in the morning.”

“Okay.”

“Alright. Why don’t you get jammies on? Birthday boy gets to pick the book. You want me to read or Jack?”

“Jack,” he moped.

I smoothed his hair back and kissed the top of his head. “Jack’s a great reader. I know he’d love to read to you on your special day.”

Aspen and I went out in the hallway, and Jack rubbed my shoulder. “I’ll get them ready.”

“Thank you,” I said.

At least for a guy who couldn’t love me, he knew how to anticipate my needs.

I didn’t have any tears left as I changed into comfy evening clothes, washing my face like a shell of a person. But when I peeked into the older kids' room, I saw why this whole arrangement was worth it.

Jack sat with their favorite bear hunt book cracked open, Hazel and Jace on his lap with Harper and Aspen tucked in beside him on the mini-couch. Hazel glanced at Jack’s face and giggled whenever he changed his voice and imitated the noises he made.

I saw our little family for what it was: beautiful. There was no feeling like seeing this moment. I pulled out my phone and took a quick picture.

Together, we tucked all four kids in, but Aspen didn’t want me to leave.

“I think your mom can stay and cuddle, bud.”

In his little weepy voice, he said, “I want you and Mommy.”

Jack bent to kiss his hair. “You got it, buddy.”

So we got in bed with Aspen, me fitting just fine and Jack struggling to make three people in a twin bed work. We surrounded him like two commas, our legs intertwining at the ankle below Aspen’s feet. Jack let me take the lead, keeping a steady pat of his hair going.

Together, we helped Aspen sleep. I stroked his arm and listened to his breath go from stuttered from crying to slow and steady.

Jack grimaced and delicately climbed out of the bed. “Bathroom,” he whispered.

“I’ll stay a few,” I said.

He nodded and left.

I must have dozed off because the next thing I heard was the sound of a video call coming through from the kitchen, where our tablet was. Then Jack’s stern voice answering. “Nice of you to show up now, fuckwad.”

I rolled out of Aspen’s bed and got downstairs in time to see Jack with his arms bracketing the tablet, leaning in Bryce’s face as much as he could through a screen. “You let my son down.”

A chill zipped up my spine hearing Jack called Aspen his own. I mean, I knew he loved him, but to say to his shitty biological dad that he was his son . . . well, it was hot.

“ Your son?” Bryce whined.

“I’m being a hell of a better father to him than you ever have,” Jack shot back.

“Hi,” I cut in from the background, trying to keep this interaction from going off the rails. Yes, Jack was right and Bryce was wrong, but you catch more flies with honey and all that.

“Mara, why is Jack Leroy calling Aspen his son?”

“Jack and I got married,” I said. “Which you would know if you’d made it to any of the other phone dates we’d scheduled for our kids to see you.”

“Husband? What the hell, Mara? Were you married at Christmas?”

“I don’t think you have a lot of room to talk since you’re calling an hour and a half after our son’s bedtime.”

A strange sound came from the background and Jack stiffened, looking around suspiciously.

“Why is it dark in Nepal? Isn’t it like lunchtime?” Jack asked in a very flat voice.

Bryce laughed. “Big storm coming in. Speaking of, I probably don’t have long. Can I talk to Aspen?”

“He only just went to sleep because he was crying over you. If you can call sometime when he’s actually up, I’m happy to make that happen.” My emotions were starting to boil over. “You ruined his birthday, Bryce. We worked so hard to give him a good day, and he still kept asking about you. He cried himself to sleep because you forgot about him.”

“You know I don’t have good signal over here—” Bryce tried but Jack cut in.

“You’re about to have no signal if you don’t straighten the fuck up and learn how a clock works, asshole.”

“Mara, get this guy out of here and wake Aspen up,” Bryce said on an eye roll.

“I absolutely will not wake our son up, Bryce. You have no idea how deeply you disappointed him. And me. You acted like you were still going to try when you left and this sure as hell doesn’t look like trying. Hazel doesn’t even know you, and you only ever upset Aspen.”

The strange sound came through again and Jack’s knuckles went white on the counter. I patted his hand.

“Mara,” Bryce whined, “you and I both know it would be worse if I was there.”

I ground my teeth and swallowed hard. Now it was Jack’s turn to comfort me, placing a hand on my back. “Maybe for you and me, yes. But not for our kids. I really can’t talk to you anymore because I’m so mad I’m about to break this fucking tablet.”

Bryce had the gall to look horrified. “When did you start using such foul language?”

“Fuck off, Bryce,” I bit out, ended the call, clicked off the screen, and fell into Jack’s waiting arms.