Page 18

SEVENTEEN

MARA

NOVEMBER

Jack was doing his best to make my family comfortable at his house. He cobbled together pajamas and sweats for all of us, and I happened to have a couple of pajama sets for Hazel in the diaper bag. I was rocking Hazel in the guest room recliner, preparing to put her down in the pack and play Jack left out for her.

The soothing tenor of Jack’s voice drifted from the next room where he was reading the older kids a book. Occasionally, giggles accompanied it when he changed his voice for a character. It was just for a night, and it wasn’t home, but it was really relaxing to have the help of a second parent. There was something cozy about all of us under one roof, and his kids really were sweeties.

Hazel’s eyelids were drooping, but she wasn’t fully asleep yet. I sang her special song, just a little thing I made up when she was a tiny baby. Aspen had one too, a totally different song that was just for him. I’m no singer-songwriter, but my kids liked it.

Jack walked past the bedroom and into what I assumed was his own, a door closing behind him.

Hazel was finally out, so I stood to put her down. Jack appeared in the doorway in dark blue sweatpants and a white undershirt. I was steeling myself to bend and lay Hazel in the pack-and-play when Jack appeared at my side.

“Can I?” he whispered. “Save your back.”

Look, I got by on my own. I could have done it, but it would have hurt. And I’m sorry, but who would I have been to refuse a beaten-up, tatted-up ripped single dad who wanted to save my back from hurting?

“Sure.”

Jack carefully scooped Hazel out of my arms, shushing her as he held her to his chest for a second.

“Night, little girl,” he whispered before lowering her into her bed for the night.

I didn’t have long to swoon because a sad cry came from the next bedroom. Jack and I looked at each other and rushed to poke our heads in.

It was Aspen, sitting next to Harper’s bed by himself, tears all over his face. “Baby boy,” I cooed, taking his hand and helping him up. “Let’s talk in the hall.”

Jack stood back, letting me take charge. “I’ll go build us a fire outside, Mara. Come get me or text me if you need anything.”

I nodded to let him go. I sat on the floor in front of Aspen and he plopped into my lap. “What’s going on, buddy?”

He sniffed and huffed until he could get out a clear sentence. “I m-m-miss Daddy.”

“Oh, baby.” I held Aspen close, rocking us. “I’m so sorry.”

I was sorry. I was sorry I’d chosen Bryce to have kids with because he was the flake who left us like this. One of Bryce’s excuses when he left was that Aspen wouldn’t remember him.

Aspen remembered.

I didn’t miss Bryce for who he was to me, but I missed him for who he was to Aspen. No one would ever replace that for him.

“What made you think of Daddy?”

He sniffed and coughed again, gasping through his pathetic sobs. “Why do Harper and Jace get their daddy and I don’t get mine?”

I cupped his head in my hand and held him closer. “It’s not fair, buddy. I’m so sorry.”

“Their daddy’s so nice,” he wailed.

My first instinct was to laugh because since when was Jack Leroy nice?

But then again, he’d been nothing but sweet to Aspen. He wasn’t outwardly nice, but he was kind when it counted.

“He is, isn’t he?” I kissed Aspen’s cheek. “Did he do good reading the story?”

“Uh huh. He had a funny voice for the bear hunt book.”

“I think I heard that,” I said. “He’s a funny guy.”

Aspen laughed. “Yeah.”

“You want me to sit with you until you go to sleep, or do you want to go back in on your own?”

“I can go on my own,” he said, still huffing from his crying spell. “I love you, Mommy.”

“I love you too, sweet pea.” With a big hug and a couple of kisses, he was back to bed, snuggling in next to Harper.

I padded downstairs, looking for the door to Jack’s backyard. He looked up as I came outside. “Hey. Aspen okay?”

I took in the setup: a nice outdoor furniture set complete with one of those tables with a fire pit recessed in the middle. Flames danced over a few logs, their light flickering across his face. He sat back, completely at ease, feet propped on the table’s edge.

I sighed. “Yeah, just misses his dad.”

Jack sucked air through his teeth. “Is he around at all?”

I shook my head. “If you consider Nepal ‘around.’”

“Oof.” Jack sat forward, asking his next question like he knew it would hurt. “Is he coming back?”

I slumped onto a rich people wicker couch with a nice firm cushion and a soft outdoor pillow that I perched under my back. “I used to think so, but now not so much. He decided to go ‘work on himself’ and apparently, that doesn’t involve fathering either of his two children.”

“Asshole,” Jack grumbled.

My laugh was sardonic. “You know what’s funny? What you said to him about the tape was the beginning of his spiritual awakening. He took it that you were some messenger sent to tell him to stop taking everything so seriously.”

Jack scoffed. “I was just telling him not to be a shithead to his family.”

“Yes, well, he assigned a higher meaning to it,” I said with a wave of my hand to the heavens. “Then he started getting more into woo-woo shit, and talking about how he needed to purge his past self.”

Jack set his jaw. “I’d gladly purge his ass off a cliff.”

“Yeah, if he ever comes back from Nepal, will you kick his ass for me?”

“With pleasure,” he said. “On that note, want a drink?”

I settled in, enjoying the feeling of being waited on for once. “Whaddya got?”

“Seltzers, probably a THC water in there somewhere, beer, bourbon, whiskey, tequila, vodka, gin?—”

“So, every single kind of liquor?”

He laughed, turning his lip up weird since it was healing from his fight earlier in the day. “I think that’s about all of them.”

“Drinking sounds fun, but I have to be careful. A seltzer’s good.”

“Any favorites? I have kind of a lot. I don’t drink much either, fully stocked bar cart aside. Just a beer with the guys here and there.”

I quirked an eyebrow. “Let’s see how fancy you get with your fizzy water. Topo Chico lime or grapefruit is the shit. They’ve got those perf?—”

“Perfect bubbles!” he finished, and I was surprised by one of Jack’s rare excited moments. “Right? Alright, I’ll be back. I put an extra pair of socks there in case your feet are cold, and there’s a blanket next to you until the fire gets going.”

My throat got tight and I forced a swallow. “Oh. Thanks.”

He just nodded like it was nothing, but the truth was, no one had taken care of me or anticipated my needs like that since . . . well, I couldn’t even pinpoint when that stopped with Bryce. He put on a patient front when I took longer to recover than expected after having Aspen, and acted like it wouldn’t be a big deal if we had another baby. But then once Hazel arrived and my body was in even worse shape, he grew tired of caring for me. He told me I was lazy and that I just needed to work out more. That I didn’t want to recover. That I needed to quit whining.

It’s easier to look back once you’re out of something and see how bad it was. It’s almost impossible to see it when you’re in it.

Jack came back outside with two plain Topo Chicos with a lime in the top of the bottle. “Ta-da!”

He handed me a bottle and we tapped them together. “Cheers.”

He settled back in his chair, running the tip of his tongue over his swollen lip.

“How’s your face?”

Jack shrugged. “Fine. Just another day at the office.”

“That . . . can’t be good for your head.”

“Oh, it’s not,” he agreed. “I love it though.”

“I could tell. You looked comfortable out there. Happy.” I smirked, thinking back on the clear pep in Jack’s step when he was playing hockey. Gabi’d made a comment that maybe he liked two things: hockey and me.

“At least there’s one place,” he sighed, flicking a glance up at me. “Was that hard for you? Watching hockey? After he ruined it?”

I sat with that for a moment. “Not as hard as I thought it would be. Even when you were fighting, I could tell you were happy. He was never happy. Hockey was his place to take out his revenge on the world.”

Jack nodded. “Plenty of guys like that. And the ones who don’t make it far are even more bitter. I always say the lower leagues are scarier than any NHL player.”

“That was him,” I said. “Mad at the world, but trying to make the best of it. And things were good when he made the best of it. I wouldn’t have had kids with him if they hadn’t been.”

“Heard that,” Jack said, taking a drag off his bottle and reading the label. “Those really are perfect bubbles. How do they do it?”

“Right?” I laughed. “Half the fun of being a grocery buyer is demanding more samples of the things you love. And then the more you buy, the more the company keeps you happy.”

“You happy doing that?” Jack scooted down in his chair to put his feet on the table. I stood and pulled my couch so my feet could reach too. My toes were perpetually frigid and the cool Los Angeles evening wasn’t doing my frosty feet any favors.

“Happy’s a strong word,” I said. “It mostly pays the bills.”

Jack peered through the mouth of his bottle. “How much do you make?”

I shook my head and scowled. “What?”

“Like, what’s your hourly rate?”

“Jack, I know you’re a blunt guy, but people don’t usually share salary information.”

“I make $5 million,” he stated, like that was a normal number.

“I do not make that much,” I guffawed.

“Okay, well, I lost another nanny this week. I’d be willing to match your salary if you wanna take over.”

My gaze darted everywhere. “Wait, the nanny actually quit? And did you just ask me to quit my job to be your nanny?”

“Yeah, she quit. And why not? The kids like you.”

I clamped my jaw shut. “Jack, have you seen me get around? I can barely take care of myself and my two kids.”

He snapped his fingers like I’d made some excellent point. “About that too.” He turned his intense eyes on me. “Didn’t you say it’s hard for you to get to the doctor?”

“Well, yeah. Doctor hours are work hours, and I’m on a colossal wait list for the specialists I need.”

“Okay, so,” he said, acting like it was obvious, “be my nanny. Syd has the kids half the time so you’d have half the time to go take care of yourself.”

I heaved a sigh, furrowing my brow because what in the actual fuck was he saying? “You’re forgetting two things, and they’re both asleep upstairs. I don’t get breaks from my kids.”

“Okay. So hire a nanny under your name when you can’t do it. I’ll pay you enough. Shit, I’ll pay for the bonus nanny. You know what? I’ll double your salary.”

This was getting absurd, and clarity finally kicked in. “Wait, why would I hire the nanny under my name?”

Jack pulled off his beanie, unleashing a messy mop of dark curls. “I’m not allowed back at the nanny agency. Syd scared them all off and we had four quit in a row.”

“Ah.” I nodded slowly. “So you think I can stand up to your big scary wife better than a twenty-year-old.”

“Ex-wife,” he said sternly. “And yes.”

“Right. Ex.”

“When did you cook up this master plan?” I went on.

“While you were upstairs with Aspen.”

I rubbed my temples, thinking it all over. He closed his eyes and sighed again, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You’re really good with them, you know. And the nannies were too, but I feel like they need someone like you. You’re so positive and they’re just . . . happy with you around.”

“You’re good with them too, but I’m not asking you to quit hockey to watch my kids.”

He let out a frustrated growl. “Come on, Mara. Triple your salary? How much do you make?”

“You really love that question,” I scoffed. “I also don’t like the idea of being your . . . hired help? Wouldn’t that be weird for Aspen and Harper?”

“It’s employee, not hired help. You’d be highly compensated.”

I was quiet, taking it all in. It was both completely sensical and entirely ludicrous. I shivered.

“Will you put on the blanket, Mara?” Jack’s voice was crackly and pleading. “I don’t like seeing you uncomfortable.”

I snorted. “I’m uncomfortable more often than I’d like to admit.”

Jack’s face dropped, his eyes drifting over me. He stood and unfolded the blanket next to me, laying it over me. “Better?”

I snuggled down into the soft wool blend that smelled like the campfire between us. “Yeah, it’s better. I’ve always wanted one of those electric blankets, but I can never justify the cost. My feet get so cold I can’t sleep sometimes.”

“I’ll get you one if you come be my nanny,” he sang.

I laughed and shook my head, sipping my water. “You’re relentless.”

“Wait, wait, wait. I can’t believe I didn’t think of this earlier.” Jack sat up, opening his hands. “Marry me.”