Page 54

FIFTY-THREE

MARA

MARCH

“Get your collar on, take off your clothes, and kneel,” I growled as I entered our bedroom.

“Yes, ma’am.”

I went into the closet and pulled out the equipment. We’d slowly been amassing different tools for impact play. I pulled out the flogger and the riding crop. I was so spitting mad at Jack that the thought of making him hurt so bad but not letting him scream?—

I was getting carried away. I put on the bra I bought to match the strap-on, arranging everything and stalking back into the bedroom with the flogger, crop, and a bottle of lube.

“Crawl to me,” I commanded.

“Yes, ma’am,” Jack said, slinking my way before kneeling at my feet.

“Kiss my feet.”

Jack looked up to meet my eyes, truly contrite before kissing the top of each foot.

“Get up and go bend over the bed. How many strikes do you think you should get?”

“As many as you think, ma’am,” Jack said, his voice so sad.

I stood behind him and put one hand on his lower back. I lifted the riding crop, charging all my might into my arm. I was going to make him pay. Jack couldn’t love me and he ruined my life. I was fine before Jack Leroy came along and I’d be fine after I left him in a beaten pulp on the floor. He was a monster, and he needed to suffer.

But then the tears came. “I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t do this when I’m mad.” I stood with the crop in my hand, a strap-on protruding from my hips, sobbing.

“I need you to punish me, Mara. I screwed up so bad.”

“I guess so,” I seethed. “You screwed up bad enough that we have to pick up our whole lives and go?”

“Can I stand up, ma’am?” Jack asked.

“Yes.”

Jack stood and hugged me. I hated that he soothed me, that being around him made me feel better. I hated that I calmed at the rhythm of his breath, the beat of his heart.

We stayed like that for a good minute or so before Jack spoke. “Mara, I’m going to tell you what I did and if you want to turn me in, I get it. I fucked up, really bad.”

I sighed, fresh tears brimming in my eyes. “Did you kill someone, Jack?”

His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. “I’m not sure.”

My brow creased and my eyes widened, stepping back from him. “You don’t know?”

Jack held my wrists. “Mara, Bryce is here. In California.”

I stumbled backward, sitting on the edge of the bed. “What?”

Jack sat next to me and turned so we faced each other. Was it slightly weird that I was in a bra and strap-on and he was naked? Yes, yes it was. But he started to talk.

“I saw him at the kids’ hockey practice back in December. He cheered for Aspen and said his name, and that’s when I recognized him. I chased him into the parking lot and I jumped on his car to try and trap him there. But he took off and that’s when I got the cuts on my hands and knees.”

I was trembling, gasping for air. “He was here, and you didn’t tell me?”

“I didn’t want to bring you a problem. I wanted to fix it and bring you a solution.”

I was still reeling, taking in all the details. “He’s not in Nepal.”

Jack shook his head. “No, baby. He’s been here. But that’s not all. After he upset Aspen on his birthday, I kind of lost my shit, you know? I couldn’t stand that he hurt Aspen, and you. I couldn’t let it go. I hated him for it. And from that bird call when he called, I could tell where he was.”

I hiccuped and almost laughed. “A bird is what told you where he was?”

Jack shook his head. “Yeah. That’s me for ya. It was a Catalina California quail. So I . . . I hired a private investigator to find him for sure. And then the day I went?—”

“Fishing?” I asked.

He nodded and went on. “Yep. I was on Catalina all day. And I wasn’t sure what I was going to do to him when I found him, but I ended up kinda blacking out and he fought back and . . . I stabbed him.”

I gasped and jumped back from Jack. “Where?”

“In a tent?”

“No, on his body, Jack.”

“Oh, um. On the outside of his leg. But he was going to kill me.”

I screwed up my face. “But you searched him out!”

Jack buried his face in his hands. “I know it’s bad, Mara. And it felt like it did with that kid.”

I searched his eyes. “Who insulted your brother?”

Jack trembled. “I just felt like I had to protect you, just like I had to protect him. I tried so hard to get control this time, but I lost it.”

I squeezed my eyes shut. “But you hired someone to lead you to Bryce. Went out of your way to get to him.”

“I just wanted to rough him up. I wanted him to start being better for you guys. I wanted him to stop disappointing Aspen. Disappointing you. And I’ve been so paranoid since it happened and I’m afraid he’s going to have me arrested and that would ruin everything, so we need to move.”

The man sitting before me was small, a shrunken version of himself: slumped posture, hollow eyes, quivering lip.

“And you did that . . . for Aspen?”

Jack nodded. “And you, Mara. I love you and I can’t stand to see you hurt. And all I’ve ever known him to do was hurt you. I just wanted to threaten him, scare him a little bit, and it got out of hand, but it also kinda felt good to make him pay for what he did to you.”

I watched him, not sure what I felt was the right thing to feel. “You did that for me and my son?”

Jack’s eyes worked over my face. “I’d do anything for you, Mara.”

I lunged myself at him, knocking him backward. “I love you, Jack.”

“I love you, too,” he whimpered. “I wouldn’t stab someone for anybody else.”

“Well,” I laughed. “Maybe next time don’t stab people who wronged me.”

“Are you mad?”

I sucked in a deep breath, his naked body beneath me, bared to me in every way. “I wish you had talked to me about it before making such a big decision and I don’t like that we have to move?—”

“I know, sweetheart, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done it. But also, he’s a shit and he needed to suffer.”

“I’d probably have gotten a call if he died, right?”

Jack shrugged. “Probably.”

“I can’t believe he’s . . . been here, and never once tried to really see the kids, to participate in their lives.”

“Yeah, it’s fucked up,” Jack agreed.

“And what you did was fucked up. You should have talked to me the second you knew Bryce was here.”

Jack chewed his lip. “I didn’t want to stress you out. I thought I could handle it on my own.”

“We could have taken him to court, Jack,” I said, rubbing my temple.

“Mar, he’s working under a fake ID. It took my PI a minute to find him because he wasn’t using his real name.”

I sat with it. All of it.

Jack did something really extreme. He did something extreme to protect our family. He did something extreme to try to bring me peace.

“You have to stop trying to do things on your own, Jack. We’re a team. The honesty, you broke it. You made it seem like you don’t have faith in me to handle my own shit.”

“I know,” he said, his gaze moving over my body. “He wasn’t taking you seriously. I knew he’d take my fist seriously.”

“It’s not your job to fix everything,” I said, my voice tear-filled again. “You can’t keep doing this.”

“I know. I want to do better. But I understand if this changes things for you.”

No one had ever chosen Jack for Jack. And even if it was misguided, he did so much out of love. We’d have to work on communicating better.

“No more secrets.”

Jack shook his head, rounding his eyes. “No more.”

“Ever.”

“Ever.”

I rolled my lips between my teeth. “Because I’m not going to Ohio for someone who lies to me.”

“I won’t lie to you ever again, Mara.”

I lunged at Jack, pushing him flat on the bed and climbing on top of him.

I propped my elbows on his chest and held his cheeks in my hands, like I had so many times before. I looked down into those brown eyes to the man who would truly do anything to make me happy. To make my kids happy. To make our family whole.

“Bonnie and Clyde, baby. Let’s go to Ohio.”

Jack’s eyes flooded. “Really?”

I laughed and started to cry too. “Yeah.”

Jack pulled me into a kiss that almost hurt. “I love you so much, Mara.”

“I know you do. I don’t have to peg you to prove it.”

Jack smirked and lifted his eyebrows. “But what if I want you to peg me?”

I grinned and kissed him again, then cooed in his ear, “Bend over, Jack.”