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FIFTY-TWO

JACK

MARCH

“Who left a bright blue butt plug in the trash? It’s still vibrating.”

Nick Oberbeck, or Obi, came out of the bathroom with his signature hyena laugh while we got changed to go on the plane.

Fucking open top trash cans. I did my best. Getting the thing out was like taking a weird shit and I didn’t love it.

Maybe I liked it a little.

I stilled from where I checked my phone. I’d already sent Mara a few messages begging for forgiveness after my filthy video.

I’m sorry ma’am

I screwed up

I need to be punished again

You can spank me 100 times

I thought for sure that would get a response from her. Some kind of sassy “you’d like that too much.”

I got nothing.

I’d really done it this time.

“Leroy, you look like you’re going to puke,” Stelle said. “You alright?”

“Jackie, you should be more discreet when you throw out your butt plugs,” Mikey teased me. Did he know it was mine?

Obi was still cackling, only getting louder. “Yeah, wrap it up in paper towels like the rest of us.” He could hardly get the sentence out for laughing. Tears streamed from his eyes and he clutched his stomach. “Or maybe—” he giggled some more, holding himself up with the wall, “make sure it’s actually bring your plug to work day.”

The room erupted in laughter and I think I waited half a second too long to start laughing. Rome eyed me sidelong. “Holy shit, it is yours, isn’t it?”

“What? No way!” I tried.

“There’s nothing wrong with plugs,” Obi clarified. “They’re just not typically work appropriate. No wonder you couldn’t sink a shot during practice.”

“You’re fingering the wrong guy,” I said, which only added to the erupting laughter. I laughed too but also felt sad all at once. This might be my last game with these guys. I looked around at all their happy faces. Nikki. Obi. Stelle. Mikey. Rome. Definitely Rome. Beatty. Sorrento.

I’d miss them all.

But I did the crime, so I had to do the time.

At that moment, Coach called me into his office.

I got back from Calgary the next morning, just a one-night trip. I got in my car and headed home to give Mara the big news.

I just hoped it was received well.

When I got home, Mara looked like she was finishing lunch.

“Hi,” I tried.

“Hey,” she said softly, looking up at me. I bent to kiss her, which she accepted. “You learn your lesson?”

I nodded. “Yes. But I have something more important than all that. I have really big news.”

Mara sobered and shook her head. “Okay. Sit.” She gestured to the chair next to her at the table.

I took her hand across the table and rolled my lips between my teeth. “I’m being traded to Ohio.”

Her lips fell open. “What?”

“I have to move to Ohio. Right away. And I want you and the kids to come with me.”

Mara’s jaw dropped wider. “I’m not moving myself and my children halfway across the country for a man. A man who I love, but who will never love me back.”

“Mara, of course I love you.”

She cocked her head back then stood and began to pace. “Oh, it’s so convenient and easy for you to say it now. Where were you when you were yelling at me for saying it in Denver? Where were you when I was giving you every little thing you need to feel fulfilled, Jack? Where was ‘I love you’ then?”

I put my hands out. “I know I should have said it. I know. I haven’t been fair.”

“None of this is fair! You make up some bullshit fight, you keep covering lies in lies, and then you suddenly out of the blue claim to love me, just so I’ll move with you across the country! Jack, I just got into the doctor I need. The whole point of us being married was for me to get healthcare and for you to get childcare.”

“And because I love you,” I tried.

She shook her head. “I don’t believe you.”

I scrubbed a hand down my face. “Mara, I did something really bad but I can’t tell you what it is.”

She rolled her eyes and gave me the nastiest look. “Wow, he loves me but he has to keep a secret! You keep finding ways to make it worse, Jack. I’m not sure how you do it.”

“I do love you. So fucking much. I just,” I started getting hysterical. “I fucked up, Mara.”

“It’s too late. I’m sick of the lies. I’m sick of things being convenient for you. Go on to Ohio alone. That’s what you’ve earned, Jack. I’ll have Sydney send your kids every other week.”

Fuck. I hadn’t even given much thought to the custody situation. This could get ugly. Fuck.

“Mara, please,” I whimpered. “I love you.”

“Again,” she bit out, “I. Don’t. Believe. You.”

“Peg me.”

Mara stilled, not even breathing. She pinched her eyes shut. “What.”

“Peg me. It’s me giving myself up to you. Hurt me, Mara. Do anything you want to me. You have it all now. You have my heart, my body, every part of me. Now you can take my ass. It will prove I love you.”

Mara’s jaw tightened. “Get upstairs.”