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TWENTY-EIGHT

JACK

NOVEMBER

I woke up warm.

Mara O’Connell was tucked into my side, her head on my shoulder. Somehow she was even dainty in sleep, her breath only escaping her nose in tiny puffs against my pec. Her skin was so velvet-soft against mine.

The first time waking up with Mara in my bed.

The whirlwind of the last few weeks swept over me.

What the fuck was I doing? My mouth felt dry as I reflected on everything. How was this any different from Sydney? I mean, Mara seemed like a better person than Sydney, by a lot. And I was the one who asked her to be here, not her chasing after me. Was I that desperate for someone to live life with?

Was I out of my mind? This was Harper’s best friend’s mom, a woman I met because our kids mutually got in trouble at school.

But I couldn’t stay away from her. She had some false perception that I was some good guy. I’d let her believe it only because I knew I could give her what she needed.

Well, anything but love.

This was an arrangement. Nothing more.

Otherwise, why the hell would she be with me? We could each give something to the relationship. It was a transaction.

Then why did my stomach hurt?

I couldn’t imagine treating Mara like a transaction. She was too good for that. Too good for me.

I didn’t want to dim her shine.

I didn’t want anyone to dim her shine.

I’d create a human barricade around her to keep her bright.

I thought about her sweet kids, and how good she was with mine. How Harper finally had a positive female role model, someone helping to restore a bit of her lost innocence. How Jace looked up to Aspen. And how all the kids laughed so hard, so freely, whenever they were in Mara’s orbit.

And I just wanted to keep a little bit of that for myself, even if I didn’t deserve it. So I was giving her what I could: help when she needed it, a soft place to land, and a true co-parent.

She stirred in my arms, letting out a tiny sigh. The kids weren’t up. It was just me and her and the air we breathed and her warm, soft body pressed against mine.

She was fucking beautiful. I couldn’t break her.

I was torn. I wanted to wake her up so we could hang out, just the two of us. I also knew she needed rest.

I shimmied out from under her, trying not to jostle her and cradling her head before resting it on the pillow.

“Come back. You were warm.” Her sleep-drunk voice sent a shiver up my spine.

I looked back at the bed, and the slits of her drowsy blue eyes were barely visible above her lips curled in a grin. I pressed my lips together to suppress a smile and turned back to tuck her in tighter. “Go back to sleep. You need it.”

“What about the kids?”

“I’ll get them,” I said, then bent to kiss her hair. A lump rose in my throat as a wave of squishy feelings came over me. I shouldn’t have been feeling squishy feelings.

No matter how much Mara deserved all the squishy feelings, I didn’t deserve them.

Mara padded into the kitchen with tousled hair and a wide smile. She went for Aspen first, wrapping him up in a hug before she took Hazel from me. Aspen and Harper kept giggling, looking back and forth.

“You ask them,” Harper demanded.

“No, you,” Aspen said.

“Ask us what?” I asked, pulling out some teas for Mara to pick through. While I was waiting for everyone to get up, I looked up what food and drinks might be best for her with her histamine issues. I watched her fingers move over the tea bags, noting that she selected a basic green tea.

Aspen’s face was red. “Why were you kissing my mom last night?”

Mara’s wide eyes met mine. We originally said we’d tell the kids, but we hadn’t discussed it last night. I coughed and put my arm around her. “I asked your mom to marry me, and she said yes.”

Harper gasped. “You’re getting married?”

“Yep!” Mara’s voice was a little too bright. “That means you’ll all be stepsiblings.”

Aspen and Harper looked like we’d just told them they could get something off the ice cream truck.

“What’s a stepsibling?” Jace asked.

“It means we’re becoming one big family. All six of us. Me, your dad, you, Harper, Aspen, and Hazel. Hazel will be your stepsister and Aspen will be your stepbrother.”

“And we’ll all live here,” I added. “We’ll have everything moved by the end of this week.”

The kids were silent for a moment, then the questions poured out.

“Do I have to share my blankie?”

“Are we getting a new house?”

“Can I be the flower girl?”

Mara leaned her head against my chest where my arm was still around her, and it felt disturbingly perfect. My heart panged. I needed my stupid heart to shut up. Mara would be a friend, a co-conspirator, a companion. Nothing more.

But it sure didn’t feel that way with her pressed against me. My heart was apparently in control of my body because I dipped to kiss the top of her head.

She turned her face up to mine. “I think they’re excited.”

“I think so too.”

Mara’s eyes sparkled. “This will be good for them. Thank you.”

It was good for my kids. Whether it was a risk for me was irrelevant.

All of this was for my kids. For Mara’s kids.

I’d just do my best not to let Mara down in the process.