Page 18 of Unconventionally, Elle

Now

My days blurred together since I didn't have to go into an office ?anymore, but on therapy days, I found structure, if only temporarily.

Before I moved to Boston, I'd cried to my longtime therapist, Tina, in our last NOLA session that I'd have to find another person, but she assured me I didn't have to worry about it because she would be able to get a license in Massachusetts.

"I made a friend today at my yoga studio." I fiddled with my fingernails as I waited for Tina to continue.

"Elle, that's fabulous news. What are they like?" Her eyes were bright with enthusiasm.

"Well, her name is Emma, and she reminds me of someone I've met, but I'm not sure who.

I really don't know why, but she looks familiar for some reason.

Anyways, she's sweet and was set up next to my mat after I got back from the restroom in class the other day.

After class, she asked my name and we got to talking.

" I pushed my hair behind my ear and crossed my legs to get comfortable on my oversized couch, sinking into it, letting it cradle me in my anxiety.

"She sounds friendly. I'm so happy to hear you're finding new environments you enjoy and meeting new people. Does she seem like someone you would be interested in getting to know better?"

"Yeah, definitely! And, so like, okay, here's the thing.

She works for a local magazine, Boston Social .

I told her that I just moved here from New Orleans and was changing careers and that I'm a writer.

" It still felt odd to say I was a writer out loud.

"Tina, she didn't even bat an eye! She accepted that as if it was totally normal. "

Tina smiled and I continued, the excitement bubbling over into my words. "How could that be normal to her? It's still not even normal to me, ya know? She was literally like, 'Oh, that's so cool, you're so lucky.' I kid you not, I stared at her, waiting for the sarcastic remark."

"Did it come?" Tina asked.

"No, it didn't!" I raised my arms in a confused shrug. "In fact, she asked if I'd had any luck with my freelancing, and I told her a little. So she said to email her some of my work and she'd show her boss. Can you believe that?"

"That sounds incredibly kind and serendipitous.

Why does it seem so hard for you to believe that a stranger wants to help you?

This all sounds really good, doesn't it?

She's showing a magazine editor your work--or I assume that's it, right?

" Tina's calm voice echoed from my laptop's speakers.

Even hundreds of miles away, she centered my thoughts and grounded my anxiety.

"Yes, that's right. The editor in chief, and then from what I understand, if she likes my writing style and the articles I've written, then she may offer me the opportunity to freelance for them."

"Elle, that's incredible. I'm so excited for you!" Tina's smile was contagious. I couldn't help but smile back.

"I don't... I guess I just didn't expect it. It's insane. Like, why? Seriously, why of all people did I run into her, and why is she so nice?" I stared past Tina's face and let my mind get lost in the nonsense of it all.

"Elle? Elle?" Tina was talking and I was completely zoned out.

"Sorry, sorry, yes?" I shook my head and looked back at my laptop.

"It looks like you got lost in thought. Where did your mind go just now?"

"Just how crazy this all is. What if the editor likes my stuff? What if I get this opportunity? Did I ever tell you what my real dream is?" I asked.

"No, tell me. What's your real dream?"

"I want to write a book. I don't want to freelance and report.

I want to be an author and write stories and let my imagination go wild.

I want my writing to impact my future readers and hold them, challenge them, but also make them feel safe.

" I closed my eyes and thought about all the books I'd read as a child that held me and kept me safe.

Books were there when my parents weren't. Stories allowed me to believe in hope and love and magic.

I opened my eyes and looked back at Tina.

"So I guess this isn't wrong, this is a step in the right direction.

But if I'm risking financial stability, social validation, and job security, how do I say yes or no to the right opportunities?

My mind is so jumbled and disorganized, and I'm getting lost in it.

" I held my head between my hands and squeezed my eyes together.

The conflicting thoughts were confusing and felt like too much.

"Elle, sometimes we don't know what the right choices are for us until we dive in and experience them.

If it feels right or beneficial to you, trust yourself and go for it.

You have made choices that are allowing you to create a life that is right for you.

Every choice you make is an opportunity to learn more about yourself and a step in carving the path to your goals and dreams. The ability to have choices and explore opportunities such as this one was a driving force behind establishing this new life you are currently living, right? "

I nodded slowly in understanding. "This isn't easy," I murmured.

She tilted her head and gave me a reassuring smile. "No one said it would be."