Page 49

“I did not eat dirt!” He glares, but mine is more lethal than his and he folds.

“I just wanted to know if it tasted like those pudding cups with the cookie dirt on top. It was third grade!” I laugh, pulling him against me and he joins me.

The feeling sinks straight into my bones.

He’s an extension of me. Part of my molecular makeup at this point.

What he feels, I feel, and right now, I hurt for him.

There is no Bowen Zhao without Camden Almeida.

We are a pair.

Which is why I need to remember this and stop the useless pining.

Cam doesn’t want me; he’s not attracted to men.

I need to get a grip. He fucking loves me, and it doesn’t matter if it looks different than the way I love him.

What we have is better than romantic love.

It’s eternal. “I’m sorry I came so late.

I know you don’t work Fridays, but I had nowhere else to go. ”

“It’s okay, you know I love it when you’re here.” With me. Safe. “Stay as long as you want. I’ll make up the couch and you can have my bed.”

“I’ll sleep on the couch.”

“You’re six-two, and this is a loveseat. I’ll sleep on the couch.”

“I have to get my things tomorrow. Fuck! My laptop. What if she ruins it?”

“We’ll go as soon as we wake up. I doubt she’ll destroy your laptop.” I have a feeling she’ll be begging him to stay, and destroying his things is not the way to go about getting him to. Not that I’ll let him go back to her.

“Thanks.”

“You need to promise me you will not take her back. Promise.” I mean this selfishly and for his own good. It wouldn’t be the first time he’s caved and taken someone back.

“They fucked in our house. I won’t take her back.”

“You have before. I’m just saying.”

“Name one!”

“I can name like ten without breaking a sweat, but you don’t want me to be that mean right now.”

He sinks into himself. “Fine. I promise. That’s why I need you with me, though. You make my brain work right.”

“That’s because I’m immune to girls with nice boobs and pretty smiles.

“Ugh,” Cam groans. “But I love boobs and pretty smiles.”

Yep. Straight bestie. Let it sink in. Fucking bathe in it, Bowen. “Well, use the brain in your skull not your scrotum.”

“Ew! Don’t ever say that again.”

“Scrotum. Scrotum.” Cam covers his ears as I say it three more times for fun.

“Are you done!?” he says a little too loudly with his hands covering his ears. “Let me sleep in bed with you.”

“No. No way, Cam.”

“Come on! It’ll be like old times. What’s the big deal? We used to do it all the time. I’m overdue for a Bo cuddle. A buddle? Boddle?”

“Stop.”

“Come on!” he whines. “What’s the problem?”

Well, we aren’t twelve anymore, and I am painfully in love with you, you tall, oblivious, gorgeous asshat! The thought of Cam sleeping next to me makes me want to both strip him down and fling myself off a cliff. “Cam, no.”

“Please, I don’t want to be alone tonight.” The bastard hits me with the biggest eyes he can manage. Shit . Cam breaks out into a wide grin, knowing I’ll cave. I love his eyes. He knows it too.

“I can’t stand you. I hope you know that.”

“I love you too, Bobo.” Cam kisses the side of my face and laughs when I push him off me. I’m a goner.

I am weak as fuck.

Grabbing an extra pillow, I lay them on the other side of the bed. This is a terrible idea. It’s one thing to let him stay here; it’s another to have him sleep in bed with me. Especially considering he’s the star of all my wet dreams. I just know I’ll wake up with a boner.

Fuck, what if he does?

No, I can do this. Taking a few extra blankets, I tuck them in the middle. “Really? A pillow wall?” Cam scoffs in mock offense. “Am I that repulsive to you?”

“Yes,” I deadpan, finishing up my makeshift wall.

“Are you expecting zombies? White walkers?”

“Just humor me.”

“My heterosexualness isn’t contagious. Don’t worry, it won’t rub off on you.”

“Shut up.”

“I won’t poke you with my dick, I promise.” Ah yes, because that would be the worst possible thing for me, Camden! I’m losing my patience. “This is ridiculous. I want a damn cuddle!”

“This is an anti-cuddle fence. Do not cross it.” Fluffing up the blankets between us, I smile at my work. “Perfect.”

“Stupid.” Clothes rustle, and my eyes snap up just as Cam is peeling off his sweater to reveal his sculpted golden-brown chest. I salivate and hate myself all over. I am so, so fucked. Why? What have I done to deserve this?

“Is that necessary?”

“You know I sleep naked.” My eyes widen. “Chill. Keeping my boxers on, don’t worry.”

Yeah . . . really worried. I would really, really hate that. “Have some decorum! This is my sanctuary.”

“Do my nipples offend thee?” Camden covers his brown nipples with two fingers each.

He’s ridiculous.

The only thing offensive about them is how badly I want them in my mouth. Ignoring me, Cam gets in on his side of the blanket wall, throwing one muscled arm over it and grinning. Patience. Give me patience. In my sleep pants and T-shirt I go to the wall and flick off the lights. “Bo!”

“Really, Cam?!”

“Please.” The panic in his voice snags the attitude away from me.

“I know, I know. I’m sorry.” Going to my closet I grab the Cam support basket I keep in there.

It’s filled with Cam’s items, like the chargers for all his electronics in case he has to do work here for the gym.

Backup USBs just in case. Cam’s favorite sweater that may or may not be one size too small for him now, and is definitely not worn by me when I’m all alone here in my apartment.

There’s also a night light, a copy of Iron Man, and a few other odds and ends.

“I need to replenish your snacks. You ate them all last time.” Cam stays quiet and I almost sigh, plugging it in and looking over at my friend.

“Better?” I’m not going to tease him. Cam’s aversion to the dark may seem silly to some, but it’s no joke—he’s afraid of the dark and thunderstorms.

He visibly calms and I finally lie beside him. “Thank you. Wait! Who ate my snacks?”

I shake my head. “You did, the last time we did this.”

“I’ll buy more tomorrow. I’ll put extra in there.” Sure thing. I have no doubt he’ll eat anything we buy tomorrow in one day. Cam is a human garbage disposal.

I try to get comfortable, so aware of him next to me. Camden throws one leg over the wall, hugging it like a body pillow. “That defeats the purpose of said wall.”

“You know I like to cuddle shit, especially if I’m sad.

If it’s not going to be you, it’s going to be the wall.

” Cam grins, closing his eyes. “You know, this is actually comfortable.” Watching him, my chest squeezes.

Fuck, he’s so pretty it hurts to look at.

Pretty and handsome and somehow also cute and hot as hell.

And kind. Cam is the kindest person I’ve ever met.

Cam is everything I’m not. My skin is pale, sickly chic as I like to call it. I’m short, and my dull brown eyes are nothing compared to Cam’s brilliant hazel ones. My black hair is straight and lifeless compared to his brown curls. I’m thin where Cam is athletic and built.

I’m stupid to want anything. Even if Cam did like guys, why would he like me?

I look away, unable to look at him anymore.

This is not great, but I have no choice.

Cam needs me, and I have to get my shit together long enough to nurse his broken heart, until the next woman comes along to take him from me.

Tomorrow I’m getting a mattress, though, because I can’t do this every night.

As we get older it’s getting harder and harder to ignore the things I feel.

I want Cam here, I do. I just can’t have him sleeping next to me, confusing my brain.

Cam’s eyes flutter open, and fuck, I can’t stop myself from reaching out and brushing one brown curl away from his forehead. Cam smiles, his eyes soft as they look at me with affection that is painfully platonic. What I wouldn’t give, though.

I could love him better.

I let the traitorous thought sit for a moment before pushing it out of my mind. “Thanks again, Bobo.” My hand slips down, cupping his face as I watch those hazel eyes. His mother’s eyes. I won’t tell him that, though. They’re brighter and filled with more warmth than that woman ever had.

“What are friends for?”

He places his hand over mine still cupping his cheek, and my heart begins to thrum irregularly. “I don’t know what I’d do without you, Bo.”

It crosses my mind to joke, but the wit has left me completely, sharing the same space, the same air, as the boy of my fucking dreams. Pain.

This shit is painful, but I don’t care. I’d do it a thousand times over because he’s my best friend, and at the end of the day, I love him more than anything and anyone. “Same, Cam.”