Page 25

Noah shrugs, inspecting his nails. “I could tell he was really embarrassed about it. He didn’t remember much.

I felt bad. I told him all I remembered was that we hooked up and both passed out.

That’s all I remembered. I’ll tell him eventually, but I don’t know.

That boy is a lot. Sexy, but a lot. There’s only enough room for one drama queen in my life.

” Noah thinks. “He baked me cupcakes, though—apology cupcakes. They were fucking incredible. I’d fake sleep with him all the time if that was my reward.

He must have assumed the dick was good.”

“You’re something else.”

“Tell me about you and Puck Daddy.” I smile thinking about Hunter. That night was incredible, along with every moment after. Well, except being yelled at by Jamie. “You guys had sex!” Noah shouts.

“Shh, don’t yell.” Noah hops up on his hands and knees on his bed, bouncing like a child waiting for a Christmas present. “Tell me everything! Don’t leave any details out. Did you fuck him good? Make him scream? Did he tell you how big you are like I used to, to humor you?”

This is my friend . “No uh, we um . . . I mean he . . .” I look away. My neck heats. Images flash by like a film reel in my mind.

“No.” I nod. “No!” He slaps me with a pillow. “I want to hear everything!”

So, I tell him everything. From the Ferris wheel to us at Hunter’s house to him unleashing this need inside me. “God, I’m jealous. How the fuck do you have a boyfriend before I do?”

“I’d introduce you to his roommate but he’s an asshole.”

“Is he hot?”

Jamie is good looking, just not my type. Honestly, it doesn’t help that each time I see him he looks like he wants to crush my skull. “He said I sounded like a dying eagle when I come.”

Noah slaps my arm. “That’s what that sound is! I couldn’t place it.”

“I hate you.” Why the hell did I tell him that?

“I’m in love with that man . . .”

“You’d hate him. He’s a dick.”

“I don’t know, sounds like that man’s my soulmate.” Noah snorts.

“He’s not your soulmate. Knock it off.”

“So now my question is, why do you seem so sad?”

“What? No, I don’t.”

“You seem off. Come on now. Spill.”

Could I tell him? I’m not sure. Noah and I are on the way to becoming good friends.

I just don’t know if I can trust him with all of this.

“I’ve never been in a relationship. This is new and I’m scared he won’t really .

. . like me.” At least not all of me. This is new now, but what happens when the new wears off.

Derrick aside, I’m not anywhere near good enough for Hunter.

That man is kind, patient, and understanding on a level I’ve never experienced. Yeah, he’s hot as hell, but when I think about the things I like about him, his looks are last.

What do I really have to offer him?

“He ate your ass like an ice-cream cone. I think you’ve passed the test.” Grabbing nail polish from his nightstand, Noah pulls his foot onto the bed to paint his nails baby blue.

“Sex is the easy part.” It’s all the other shit I’m bad at.

Hunter is kind, sweet, athletic, and cares so much about the people around him.

I’m nothing. I don’t see how this can work long term.

It’s all fine now, everything is new, but what happens when Hunter realizes this is it?

This is all I am. Some lame nerd who disappoints his family with a dream I probably won’t even see through.

It’s pointless, though, isn’t it?

I refuse to let Derrick hurt anyone else, and once the shit hits the fan over that, Hunter may not even want me. Noah finishes up his other foot then lies back against his bed, staring up at the ceiling. I lie down beside him and for a moment we’re silent.

My eyes begin to pinprick with sharp stabs of pain. “When we were together, did you ever have feelings for me?”

“You wish.” He snorts. I roll to face him, and I feel my eyes burn. Why am I choosing now to have a mental breakdown? Noah lolls his head toward me, frowning. “What’s wrong? Oh my god, you are in love with me.”

“Shut up.” A watery laugh leaves my lips. I wipe my eyes.

Noah drapes his arm over my chest, hugging me.

“I care about you. I have never had romantic feelings for you. You weren’t very nice to me, but there were rare moments when you could be incredibly sweet and protective.

I liked that, even though it was just a hookup.

You still treated me nice. You didn’t make me feel like I was just some object for you to fuck.

It’s all the other stuff you suck at. I don’t know why you want to be my friend now—” I open my mouth to defend myself, but he closes it with his finger.

“But I’m happy you do. I like hanging out with you. ”

“I like hanging out with you too. I don’t have any friends.”

Noah laughs. “Me either.”

“I think I was afraid to have feelings for you. That doesn’t excuse how I acted, though. I’m sorry.”

“How is Hunter different?”

This is the thing that eats me up. I’m not even sure.

There was just a draw there since day one.

I can’t explain it. I remember the way he looked the first night I saw him—defeated, exhausted, and with a black eye on his handsome face.

Even then there was this thing, this light about him.

Hunter’s constantly put in difficult situations, but he always comes out of them on top.

Then there’s the way he treats his teammates, his best friend, and me.

Hunter’s so kind and compassionate. I admire him so much.

“It’s like everything makes sense when we’re together. ”

“I’m happy for you.”

“He asked me to be his boyfriend.” No matter what happens going forward, I will make it right by us all. Derrick will be going to jail. Sawyer and his family will get closure. Hunter will have a boyfriend worthy of him. “I needed this. Thank you.”

“Enough mushy shit.” He laughs, sitting up. “Tell me how big he is. I want details. In detailed detail.” I bite my lip. Well, I do have some questions, and Noah is just the person to talk to about stuff like this. It’s not like I have anyone else.

Okay, that thinking needs to stop. It’s not that I have no one else. I want no one else. Noah is my friend. “It was so great. It was . . . a lot at first, but it was amazing.” I feel my cheeks flush.

“Oh my god, you used to lick my balls. Don’t be embarrassed now!”

“Ew, can you stop. Not the visual I need.” Noah waits.

Fine, whatever. I’ll give in. “It was incredible. We haven’t done it since, it’s hard to find time alone.

” After Jamie threatened us, we haven’t had much time together at his house.

Between school, hockey, and his roommate, it’s hard. “His roommate is not a fan of me.”

“Daddy dearest paid for you to have your own dorm room. I think you can leave that poor man alone for a night.”

“It’s not that.” Hunter has to be at his house, and while I understand it, it still sucks.

“There’s a lot of shit to it. He can’t really stay over, but I just want to spend more time with him alone.

” While I don’t think I’m good enough for Hunter, I will at least try to be the best version of myself for him.

Hunter deserves to know the truth. Sawyer deserves to know the truth. I just need more time.

“You should totally buy a plug and take sexy pictures for him. Something for him to look at while you guys are apart.”

“I can’t do that.” I feel my skin heat a bit at the thought. I’ve never really experimented with toys and don’t have any of my own. Noah gets up, grabbing his phone. “What are you doing?”

“Buying you a plug, anal beads, and a vibrator.” His fingers fly across the phone. “My favorite shop out west. They’re incredible, and shipping is fast. They should be here . . .” He lifts his pointer finger, clicking the phone. “On Tuesday.” He grins.

“You did not!”

“Oh, I so did.” He turns the phone to me. I grab it, curious, ignoring the pit in my stomach when I see the total.

“Let me pay you back.”

“No. My treat. I can’t really go crazy with toys anyway. I already hide myself, I don’t need to hide anything else when I go home.” Noah sets his phone down and sits next to me. “Just tell me all about it so I can live vicariously through you.”

“Thank you.”

“So . . .” Noah grins. “How big.” Holding his hands up, he slowly moves them out.

“Say when.” Moving his hands out further, his eyes grow wider until they’re comically far apart.

“No, that’s too much. That’s a hospital visit.

” He does it again and I roll my eyes. I know he won’t stop until I give him something.

I wait, watching his hands. “When.”

“Holy shit.” Shaking his head, he folds his hands in his lap. “Just like the men in my romance books! So jealous. Does it take two hands to hold it?”

“Can you stop now!?”

He grins like a maniacal pixie. “Look how cute and in love you are.”

I freeze, hearing the L word. No. No way. Whatever, I want to stop thinking about it. “You want to watch a movie?” It is late but I don’t want to leave “I’ll have to walk back after.”

“Or . . .” Noah smiles. “You can sleep over? Your morning class is on this side anyway. If you want. You don’t have to. I know you don’t do sleepovers.” I can tell he’s teasing, but still, it doesn’t make me feel good.

“I’m a dick.”

“Yes.” Noah laughs and I join him. “You look like you need a cuddle. I’m a fantastic cuddler. I almost don’t want to cuddle you because you may fall in love with me for real.

“Okay.” I give in, and Noah grabs his laptop, setting up a movie on my lap. He fits himself against my body, lying in the crook of my arm, and I melt into the soothing touch. “You’re right. You’re a great cuddler.”

“I know.”

“I’m sorry I was awful to you.”

“Don’t worry.” Noah squeezes me tighter and buries his face into my side. “I’m going to make you pay for it for the rest of your life, bestie.”