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seven

Mark

“Can you calm down, you’re embarrassing me.” Sipping his hot chocolate, Noah rolls his eyes. “Why do you look like you’re going to jump out of your skin? This isn’t a date. Believe me, that ship has sailed. In fact, that ship is lost at sea.”

I take a steady breath, not sure why I’m so anxious. “Sorry.”

“Can’t wait to see which wonder dick has you all twisted into knots.” I should not have told Noah about my date with Hunter later. “Is he hotter than me? No, he can’t be. No, he’s not. Say no, right now!” Noah pinches his shiny pink lips, and he’s still wearing my hoodie.

Ignoring him, I focus on my food, pushing around my potatoes. “Can I have my hoodie back?”

“No.”

“He’s a lot hotter than you.” I’m growing less hungry as breakfast goes on, but I pop a home fry into my mouth . . . and Noah’s lips part in a shocked O shape. Picking up a home fry, I toss it towards his mouth, getting it inside. “Score.”

Noah spits it out, glaring harder. “Fuck off. He’s not hotter.”

Now or never, here we go. “It’s the guy you walked in on me with the other morning.”

Noah folds his arms over his chest—over my fucking sweater. My sweater! Is that a bleach stain!? I’m never getting it back, am I? “Asshole,” he says.

“We didn’t do anything. Some shit happened and he needed help. I let him crash with me is all.”

“So you couldn’t spare room for me, despite the fact I let you inside this gorgeous temple of mine, yet this stranger, sure thing. Got it.” Noah notices ketchup smeared on the table. Using the sleeve of my sweater he cleans it off. “He is not hotter than me,” he mumbles.

“Are you ever going to forgive me?”

“To. Be. Declared.” He grins around a forkful of eggs.

“I really like him, Noah,” I admit, forcing some food into my stomach. “I’ve never dated anyone before.”

“That’s because you are the ‘fuck first and ask no questions later’ type.”

“I’m trying to be better. I want this to work.” I see the glower in Noah’s eyes and okay, yeah, I know this is going to be an awkward spot for us. It’s a weird thing to navigate. Noah was clear, though, and so was I—neither of us have feelings. So why is it awkward?

“What’s the deal with this guy? What kind of monster does he have swinging between those muscular thighs? I’m hotter. I’ve seen him. I’m your type. He is not. So what is it? Why not me?”

Holy shit! “Do you want me?”

“Fuck, no.”

“Then what’s your issue?” I’m getting frustrated now. I know I acted like an asshole the other night, but Noah doesn’t want me. How is he jealous? Is he even jealous?

Noah puts his fork down and looks away. “The issue, Mark, is that you treated me like shit. You’re supposed to be my friend.

You couldn’t even be nice to me for one night, but then I see you in the morning and some stranger is sleeping in bed with you.

That . . .” He swallows hard. “That hurt me,” he admits.

“That was the first time I realized you were using me just like everyone else. It was the first time I realized we weren’t really friends. ”

“Noah.” He holds his hand up, cutting me off, and I swallow what I want to say.

“I have zero regrets about it. What we had was fun. This is a chapter of my life I’m going to enjoy as much as I can while I can.

With you, though, I always thought we were different .

. . that it was more than just a hookup.

But that morning, seeing him with you, I realized that I’m just another guy to you. That I mean nothing.”

Fuck. “I don’t . . . I don’t know what to say. Sorry doesn’t feel like enough.”

“It’s not. I’m just hurt. I know you want to try this, but I’m having trouble getting past that.”

Sometimes I have tunnel vision when it comes to others; it’s hard to see what’s happening around me.

I see facts and logic and act according to that.

I knew Noah and I were friends with benefits, but I’m not sure why I just assumed he was okay with the arrangement we had.

I didn’t realize Noah had feelings, and while they’re in no way romantic feelings, he thought I was his friend, and I betrayed him.

“I’m sorry. I really am. I just . . . I was an asshole.

I didn’t understand what was happening with us.

” I didn’t see his feelings for what they were—friendship.

“I want to try. I really do. I want to be friends. I think I just freaked out and mistook how close we were getting for romantic feelings from you.”

“What you need to ask yourself is why that thought is scary enough to make you treat me this way.”

I have no answer for that. “I don’t know. I really don’t.”

“Has it ever occurred to you that you aren’t even my type? I am annoyed you thought I was some stalker planning to have your babies. Could you imagine relying solely on my genes for looks? That’s too much responsibility on my gorgeous shoulders.”

And we’re back . . .

“I’m sorry, okay? I’m trying here and now you’re being an asshole. I am trying.”

“See, that right there. Why are you trying to be my friend?”

I pause, because honestly, I don’t know either.

In high school, I didn’t really have any friends.

We moved around a lot for Dad’s job until he got transferred permanently to a town about an hour from here.

It was too late by then. Kids already had their cliques, and I really didn’t know how to talk to people.

Hell, I still don’t. By the time I got here, I was so focused on my first year I didn’t have time to breathe let alone make friends.

All the work was worth it, though, so I could spend the next three years with a lighter workload and more time available for my game.

Then I met Noah, and Derrick.

For the first time, I want a friend . . .

a real friend, and after getting my head out of my ass I’ve realized I do like hanging out with Noah.

I have so much weight on me all the time, it’s nice having someone to turn to.

Even if I used sex as a distraction. “I just want to be friends. You’re like the only person who talks to me. ”

“Aw, your only option. Love that for me. I love that so much. I feel so special.”

“Noah—” He holds a hand up, silencing me.

“A fresh start.” He holds his manicured hand out to me, and I take it. “No more sex. No matter how much you inevitably beg me.”

This is as much of a truce as I’m getting. “I am sorry. I am.”

“Just so we’re clear, you’re not even my type.”

“You’ve mentioned.”

“I’m also not looking for a relationship right now.

I’m hours away from home for the first time in my nineteen miserable years on this planet.

I have the freedom to fuck whoever I want.

I need to get my fill before I graduate and have to work for my father and pretend to be sexually attracted to women for the rest of my life. ”

“Is that really what you want to do?”

“Oh, honey. I don’t live in ‘what I want to do’ land. I have a free ride as long as my father believes he has a very straight, very business savvy son.” Well, that makes me very sad for him. It’s hard to see the person his father wants him to be. “What?”

“I mean . . .” I chew on a piece of bacon. “How does he not know?”

“Know what?”

“That . . . you’re gay.”

Those green eyes turn to ice. “Oh, fuck you.”

“I mean, I knew before you even opened your mouth.” He gives me the finger. “Then you spoke, and I really knew.”

A storm brews in those emerald eyes. “I can be straight if I want. So straight! I would shock you with my straightness. I can be a real pussy hunter if I put my mind to it!”

“Please don’t ever say that again.” I feel bad for him.

My family doesn’t like that I’m going to school to make video games, but my parents would never disown me.

Ever. I know they love me even when their criticism hurts.

It comes from a place of love, I know that.

To live like Noah, though . . . I can’t imagine ignoring a huge part of my heart just to please my parents.

“I’ll have you know I love women.”

“That’s not the same as being attracted to them.”

“I will have an amazing lavender marriage. I’ll treat my future wife with the utmost care.

We’ll get day drunk and watch reality TV shows.

I’ll do her nails, and she can do my makeup.

We’ll go on cute little vacations. She’ll be a reader, of course, that’s a deal breaker.

Have a vagina all you want but you better be a reader.

We will never cap each other’s book spending either.

We’ll have the most gorgeous library. Oh, baby girl, you want to talk about that bitch at the office?

Girl, let me go grab the wine. You want a massage?

Let me grab the oils. I will be the best husband. ”

“Except when it comes to sex.”

“We’ll both be sleeping with other people, just like all the other marriages I’ve grown up watching. And whoever that man or woman is better treat my wife right!” He sighs. “She’ll be the luckiest girl in the world.”

My phone rings, scaring the shit out of me. Hunter’s name lights up on my phone, and I answer as Noah’s curious eyes land on me. “Uh, hey.”

“Hey, I’m really sorry about this, but I can’t have you over here today. Can we reschedule?” I hear yelling in the background. “Enough!” Hunter yells back.

“Hunter?”

“Sorry, some shit happened, and I’ve got a lot going on here right now. I don’t want you to have to see this shit. Can I call you later? I want to talk to you, I just can’t right now.”

“Oh, yeah, whenever you get time.”

“I’m really sorry. I’m not ditching you, I swear.”

“Hey, it’s okay.” He sounds so stressed out, and the loud noises in the background probably aren’t helping.

“I’ll make it up to you.” That makes me smile. “Talk to you later.”

Hanging up, I feel like shit. It’s only now I realize how much I was looking forward to today—not because of Derrick, I just really wanted to see him. “What happened?”

“He canceled. Something’s going on at home and he said he doesn’t want me to see it. Some shit with his roommate.”

“Oh, shit.” Noah scrutinizes me, making me feel uneasy.

“What?”

“You like him.”

“What?”

“You look sad. Damn. I didn’t realize how bad this was.”

“I was just looking forward to hanging out today. That’s it.

” My fries are cold by now, but I’ve lost my appetite anyway.

Noah’s right, I am upset. More than I want to be.

I know it’s not Hunter’s fault, but I hadn’t realized until now how much I’d looked forward to today. “Just sucks is all. No big deal.”

“Well, why not take him pizza anyway. If he doesn’t want to hang out that’s fine, but it might be nice. Then he won’t have to worry about food, right? He can focus on the bullshit at home.”

“I’m not going to show up to his house like a crazy person after he told me not to.”

“It would be a surprise. It’s a nice gesture. You don’t have to stay.”

“Or it’ll creep him out.”

“If I were dealing with my father at home and all that bullshit, it’d mean a lot to me if a guy dropped by with food to take care of me and at least make sure I was fed. Just make it clear you’re only dropping it off. He’ll like it. Trust me.”

Maybe Noah’s right. Fuck, those are words I never thought I’d think.

Maybe he is right, though. I know Hunter has some money issues whether he admits it or not.

I can take him food and just be on my way.

Then again, this is Noah I’m taking advice from.

“The last time I trusted you I ended up with a sprained wrist.”

Noah pushes his glasses up his nose, flicking a piece of egg at me.

“I asked you several times if you could bend that way! It’s not my fault you lied to impress me.

” Noah leans back, folding his hands into his lap and not meeting my eyes.

“I haven’t been able to look at a pool toy the same way since. ”