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twenty-nine

Hunter

“ T hree weeks?” I nod, so tired of being upset. There’s nothing I can do about this, but I’ve been so depressed I didn’t shower the first week or move much at all. By week two, I was up with my crutches, trying my best to make the most of things.

Hey, for the first time since I started college I’ve had a break.

Yay.

Okay, maybe one more week of depression can’t hurt. Honestly, it could have been so much worse, and I’d take a torn ligament over an ACL tear any day of the week.

Sawyer is half slumped against my wall and chair.

He’s been here on and off since it happened, feeling a bit guilty.

It’s dumb. It’s in no way his fault, which I’ve told him repeatedly.

Still, he’s here, and I guess if it were the other way around I wouldn’t leave him alone either.

He looks uncomfortable, but I’m not going to bother him.

I appreciate him being here. Jamie’s on his best behavior also. “Want me to make you laugh?”

“What is it?” I adjust myself on my bed.

“I didn’t sleep with Noah.”

“What?”

Sawyer shakes his head. “We were drunk. We started hooking up, and I thought about Darren. I started to cry, then I threw up on his pillow and passed out in his bed, naked.”

“What? Why were you thinking about your ex?”

“I don’t know. It was the first time I’d tried to hook up with someone since our breakup. It hit me, I don’t know. Noah thinks we hooked up, though, and I don’t know if I want to correct him. It’s so embarrassing.”

I laugh. “Well, he knows. He just doesn’t want you to be embarrassed so he hasn’t told you.” Sawyer laughs, shaking his head. “You’re both a mess.”

“Noah’s nice but . . . not for me.”

“Who’s Noah?” Jamie asks, half asleep and fully high lying in my bed with me.

“Mark’s best friend,” Sawyer says. “He’s like a pretty horny goblin.”

“Believe me,” I say. “He’s not your type.

” I hate that my first thought is to tell Mark they should maybe meet.

It’s stupid because there is no Mark. There is no us.

The unwanted thoughts I’ve been shoving aside come back full force.

Sawyer explained what had happened, and I did appreciate him helping Sawyer get Derrick locked up.

I know that was a hard thing to do, but to use me . . . I can’t get past it.

Our doorbell rings. Jamie gets up slowly, stumbling a little and rubbing sleep out of his eyes. “Xavi . . .” Jamie walks out of the room and Sawyer goes back to his phone, shaking his head.

“Any hope that Noah doesn’t even remember me being naked?”

“He sent Mark a picture of your naked ass the morning after.”

“Are you serious?”

“I have to say, those squats you’ve been doing are working. Keep it up.”

Sawyer glares, pinching his lips together. “Thank you.”

A knock on my door makes me jump. “Hunter?”

“Come in.” Jamie opens the door, peeking his head in. “What’s up?”

He looks between Sawyer and me. “Freedom screecher is here? Can I punch him in the face?”

“What?” What the hell is he doing here?

“Let him in,” Sawyer says.

“Is that an executive decision?” Jamie asks me.

I think for a moment, which is useless because I already know what I’m going to say. “Yeah. Go ahead.” I’m too curious to turn him away.

“Do you want me to leave?” Sawyer asks.

“No. Please stay.” I look at Jamie. “You can go.”

Jamie rolls his eyes and disappears, and I don’t have a second for the nerves to settle in before Mark is meekly opening my bedroom door, stepping inside the same bedroom where we slept together for the first time. Where we played video games and talked and fuck . . . I can’t do this.

“Hey.” He looks between us then smiles softly at Sawyer. I know he’s innocent, but I’m still pissed. It’s hard for me to figure out what’s real and what’s fake. I am grateful we got Derrick, though, and that fucker won’t be getting out of this anytime soon.

It’s only been weeks since I last held him, but that feels like a whole different timeline. Looking away, I busy myself with my phone, which is a dumb move seeing as Mark is still my lock screen.

Yes. I am pathetic.

“What’s up, Mark?” Sawyer talks for me.

“I just wanted to know if I could talk with you quickly. Just really fast, I promise. Then I’ll leave you be.” I chance a look up at him, watching him. Those blue eyes feel so heavy. His blond hair is tied up in a little ponytail, and in his hands, fuck, I swallow hard seeing him hold my jersey.

My jersey.

I won’t be wearing it for the rest of the season. At least not while I play.

That isn’t on Mark, though. I blame him for a lot of shit, but I don’t blame him for that. That was Derrick and his jealousy. “Hunter?” Sawyer asks me.

“Uh yeah, whatever.” Looking back at my phone, I feign nonchalance, and Mark takes the computer chair while Sawyer sits next to me.

He sits for a moment, looking at his hands as he plays with his fingers, bouncing his knee.

“I’d appreciate if you don’t send my nudes through campus. Um. I, yeah—” He laughs a little.

I freeze, looking up. “I wouldn’t do that,” I snap.

“I know. It’s a joke, uh. Sorry, I’m nervous.”

“I deleted them all,” I lie. A big lie. I have them all saved, and yes, I still look at them. I would never do something like that anyway, no matter how angry I am with him.

“Right um, okay.” Placing the jersey on my desk, he takes a deep breath. “Did your mother contact the insurance company?”

“Oh yeah, it should be easy now. Thank you.”

“I hope she’s able to rebuild it. I don’t deserve her kindness.”

“What?” I look between them.

“Mark went to my house and personally apologized to Mom and told her everything,” Sawyer says. “She forgave him, and understands he was put in a scary position. Even if he did the wrong thing at first.”

“I don’t deserve it.”

Sawyer’s quiet for a moment. “I’m not sure what she’s planning to do with it. Catching Derrick made this a lot easier, though. She should get a check soon.”

“For what it’s worth now, I am really sorry. I literally can’t imagine the fear she must have gone through. I’m sorry for being part of it. I’m just really sorry.”

Sawyer nods, looking at me with widening eyes. I don’t know what he wants me to say, so I ignore him and go back to my phone. “I understand that must have been scary. I see why you did what you did. Catching someone like Derrick isn’t easy, I know.”

“I hate him.”

“Me too.”

“Me three,” I mumble.

Sawyer pats my good leg. “I think someone else needs an apology.”

Mark smiles softly, and it takes a herculean effort to push the memories aside in my mind. “I’m getting there.” He sighs.

“I can leave—”

“No.” I don’t want to be alone with him.

“I understand.” He takes his hair out of the ponytail, shaking it out and throwing it back up in a messier ponytail—and I ignore just how fucking cute that is.

“I don’t know how much you know about the situation and why I did what I did, but I want you to know I never meant to hurt anyone. That’s not what I wanted.”

“You decided to fake date and hurt me.”

“Hunter.” Mark sighs. “Look at me and look at you. Why would I think you’d want me?

Derrick wanted me to physically hurt you, and I told him I could hurt you emotionally instead.

While I didn’t know who you were at the time, I just thought there’s no way this hockey player is going to want me, let alone date me.

Then when I realized it was you . . . you couldn’t go back in time right now and convince that version of me that you’d actually want me back.

“Growing up, I was picked on a lot. We moved a ton because of my father’s job.

I was always the new kid. I was scrawny thin.

I had braces, acne, you name it, I had it.

I was constantly picked on. I’ve been shit on by so many people, all my life.

I never had friends until I started college.

” He rubs the back of his neck. “You light me up every time you’re around.

You’re so fucking sweet and amazing it’s unreal.

Why would I think you’d love me? If anything, I thought you’d reject me, so I wouldn’t even have to go through with it and I could keep trying to get Derrick to admit he did it.

You didn’t, though. Somehow you wanted me back. ”

Sawyer reaches for my hand, squeezing it and giving me an anchor to focus on.

“When I met Derrick, I thought he was a good friend. Slowly, though, he let his real self bleed through. I didn’t even want to be there that night, but I’d been invited, and I went because my father was trying to give me an ultimatum about school.

He was trying to make it so he’d stop paying if I didn’t change my major.

It’s dumb, but I just needed a distraction, so I went with them.

Noah was at home for the summer, so I thought it was better than driving myself crazy inside my dorm.

That night, I sent one of the girls he wanted to hook up with home and he got pissed at me.

I’d suspected then that’s why he framed me.

I just had to prove it. When no one had been injured I thought I had time, and I didn’t even think about how it would look to you guys.

I’m so sorry.” I have to look away as tears begin to spill down my face.

“Despite it all, part of me doesn’t regret it, though. ”

“What?” I glare.