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three

Mark

My heart thumps erratically while I sit on the edge of the fountain in the middle of the quad. Between Noah, Hunter, and now the bullshit with Derrick, I don’t think I can take much more.

Out of all the things that have happened in the last twenty-four hours, my night with Hunter is still the most vivid in my mind.

I feel like shit about Noah and hate the way I came across.

I know I acted like a dick, but it was seeing the judgment on Hunter’s handsome face that really did it for me.

I’d spent so much time trying to get space from Noah, I didn’t realize until he came into my room this morning how much I’d fucked up.

I just panicked last night. I don’t know why.

I don’t know why the thought of being in a relationship with him made me freak out.

I just like being around him as a friend.

Our hooking up has to stop, though not having to worry about condoms has been nice.

No, I’m so dumb, that doesn’t matter. What matters is fixing my friendship with Noah.

That’s what matters. He matters. Hearing footsteps, I see Noah walking toward me with a scowl on his pretty face.

He always looks delicate and expensive. It’s the only way I can describe him, which is hilarious because he’s anything but delicate.

Wearing my hoodie, he walks up to me. “What do you want, dickbag?”

Great . Here goes nothing. “I want to apologize for last night. I acted like a dick.”

“Oh, I don’t think that was an act.”

Aren’t we in a forgiving mood. Awesome . “I’m sorry. I just think things got out of hand. You’ve been spending more and more time with me, and I think we need to take a break from it. Just for a bit. I don’t want a relationship and—”

Noah barks out a laugh. “Stop thinking so highly of yourself. I assure you, I do not.”

I know he’s hurt, but that doesn’t explain all the texts, the constantly wanting to hang out. Trying to stay over. “You’re always trying to be around me Noah, don’t act like you’re not. Trying to sleep in my bed, trying to cuddle and shit, it’s . . . it’s . . .”

Noah’s green eyes blow wide. “I always try to hang out with you? Are you fucking kidding me? I try to stay, asshole, because I hate walking back that late at night. You never come to my dorm, which is fine, I have a roommate. Still, you never even offer to walk me back. I am not a hole for you to just use. I have fucking feelings. And as for as always trying to sleep in bed with you, I’m exhausted after we fuck.

Do you know how tiring it is to always put in most of the effort!

” Uh. . . “And I love to cuddle. I am a great cuddler!” he screams.

I feel like all eyes in the quad are on us now. Okay, I need to defuse. “Maybe I misunderstood. It’s just, you text me all day. It’s all the time. It never used to be like that. Ever since the summer we—”

“You mean when you came home with me? Mark . . .” I see real tears now in his eyes.

“You saw what that was like for me. I shared that part of my life with you. I just . . . I just thought we were closer.” Something washes over his features as they harden.

“I text you because I thought we were fucking friends. Or did you forget that part of our arrangement. I want to hang out with you while we aren’t fucking but you never want to!

That’s what friends do, Mark. I thought we were friends.

” I take note of the little break in his voice.

Okay, wow. I feel like shit. Why didn’t I see this? “I thought you just wanted to hook up.”

Adjusting his backpack he shakes his head, looking away.

“You must think real highly of your dick. If I wanted to just fuck, I could get any guy I want. I hang out with you, though, because I thought we were friends. Guess not. We’re done.

You’re unbelievable. Have a nice life. Choke on a dick.

” He storms off before turning around to face me. “And I’m keeping the sweater!”

Shit. “Noah—” Ignoring me, he marches down the path toward the art building.

That’s not how I thought this was going to go.

I feel like shit. Why would Noah want to hang out with me though?

He could hang out with literally anyone else.

None of this made sense. Noah is popular and fun, and I’m . . . I’m—

“What made the twink run away?”

I nearly jump at the voice. “Don’t call him that.” Jesus. I do not need this right now. “What do you want?”

Derrick drops down next to me. There’s violent tension radiating off him in waves. It seeps into my skin making me uncomfortable. “Nothing. Just missed you.”

I snort. “Fuck off. What do you want?”

Clutching his chest like I hurt him, as if he has actual human feelings, his eyes turn up. I’d even believe it if I thought he was capable of being hurt or offended. “Just checking on my little arsonist.”

My blood runs cold.

Fuck him . My hands ball into fists. Bile crawls up my throat.

I clutch my bag ready to make an escape, but he has me by the balls and I’m towing a line.

I have to be careful. It’s getting harder and harder to play the role of friend to Derrick fucking Shaw.

He has me by the throat, but what he doesn’t know is that I also have him.

Or at least, I’m doing my best to.

I’ll play the doting friend. I’ll act like I still buy all his bullshit, because if there’s one thing I intend to do before the school year runs out, it’s getting Derrick put away for a very, very long fucking time.

I know it won’t be easy, but I am doing it.

What I don’t need right now is this bullshit. I get up, but Derrick tugs me back down onto the ledge by my backpack. “Not so fast.”

“Get off me.”

“Where’s all this hostility coming from? Is missing his ass putting you in a mood? Is it that good?” Derrick smiles. I want to hit him. “Maybe I’ll have to try and see for myself.”

“Not worth the effort, believe me.” I feel like shit saying it, but I’m not about to let Derrick even think about Noah. Nothing good will come from that.

“Fine. Fine. Just relax, though. Jesus. You look like you’re going to jump out of your fucking skin.

You know your secrets are safe with me, bestie.

” Only they aren’t. Not even a little. The guilt of this summer eats away at me.

I know I’m innocent, that isn’t even a question for me, but more than that, I know Derrick has something to do with it.

I just need him to slip up.

Until then I live in a constant state of anxiety.

Sometimes I want someone to find out. Sometimes I think it would be easier if I was caught, even if I didn’t do it.

Then I think about my mom, and I feel like shit all over.

She’ll be so disappointed in me. When she finds out I lost my watch she’s going to skin me alive.

Glancing down at my naked wrist, I want to cry. Sorry, Morfar. I need my watch back, but getting that watch back means getting Derrick to confess to a crime he says I committed. “What was that slut yelling about anyway?” The hairs on the back of my neck rise.

Easy, temper. Just relax. This fucker will get his soon enough. “I broke it off,” I lie.

“Shame. Maybe I will give it a go. Women are pissing me off lately.”

I’m sure the feeling is mutal. “Not worth the drama. Clinger.” Derrick cringes. I feign nonchalance, not giving Derrick any reason to piss me off further. He’ll get bored, and I don’t want him anywhere around Noah so I add gas to the fire. “Planning our wedding and shit.”

“Okay, never mind.” Good. “Shame, though, that ass looks like it’s made to hug a cock.

I can’t do this. I need him gone. “Why did you want to talk to me?”

“I can’t just want to talk to my best friend?” I snort. Derrick runs a hand through his shaggy auburn hair. It’s quiet for a moment as that deadly tension seeps back in between us. “I got kicked off the team this morning.”

“What?!” Oh shit, what the hell happened? While Derrick gets himself caught up in a lot of bullshit, the one thing he doesn’t fuck around with is hockey. “What happened?”

“The team captain is a dick. He made up some bullshit so he could get me kicked off and get his fuck buddy Benson to replace me as goalie.” Holy shit. I’m not sure who the captain is but they just put a target on their back.

“That’s why you wanted to see me?”

“No. This happened a few hours ago.” Well, that explains the tension. I don’t envy this guy and the hell he’s just brought upon himself. The last person I’d want as an enemy is Derrick.

Although, I guess I’m already there, aren’t I?

I met Derrick last summer, and at first it was fun.

For the first time ever, I had a friend group—people who accepted me.

We partied, fucked around. I’d met Noah and we started hooking up.

Slowly, though, Derrick’s real personality came through, and before I could walk away it was too late.

The damage was done. And now I’m stuck being his punching bag, with no way out.

Not if I want Derrick to keep my secrets.

Derrick is the main link between me and the terrible thing I did—or at least, he thinks I believe I did.

“What did you want from me then?” I hate to ask, but if this is going to work, I have to pretend.

Maybe, though, with hockey out of the picture, he’ll want to party more.

If I get him drunk enough maybe I can catch him.

Take his phone. Delete the blackmail he’s using against me. Make him confess.

“I’m not sure yet.” He rubs his jaw. He’s sporting a fresh black eye and my mind goes back to Hunter the night before. “I’ll let you know.”

I don’t like the vagueness. A quiet Derrick is dangerous. “I have to get to class,” I lie. I can’t sit here anymore.

“Keep your phone on.”

“What?”

Derrick’s lips widen in a smile that makes my skin crawl. “I have an idea. I just need to work out the execution.”

“What do you mean?”

Derrick stands, grabbing his duffel bag and towering over me despite us being nearly the same height.

Derrick is bigger and just feels so dangerous.

He’s one of those people you can feel how bad they are.

I just wish I’d realized it sooner. I wish I’d listened to my gut and not my desperation for friends.

“I’ll let you know tomorrow. Keep your phone on. ”

Great. Just fucking great.