Page 38

twenty-six

Hunter

“ C an I come in?”

“No.”

Swinging my legs over the side of my bed, the world spins, which is strange since I haven’t been drinking. At least I don’t think so. This last week has been an absolute shitshow blur of bullshit, so it wouldn’t surprise me if I have and I just forgot.

All the same, I stumble to my door. Honestly, a bottle of Jack sounds so damn good right now, and if it wouldn’t cost me my hockey career, I’d ask Jamie for some weed.

I wince with a stretch as I stand. I don’t think I’ve moved much since the party, but I know tomorrow I’ll have to go to class.

You can only have food poisoning for so long and my excuse is about to run dry.

Luckily Coach excused me from practice, but tomorrow night we have a game I have zero desire to play in.

I need to talk to Sawyer, to look my best friend in the eye and tell him what happened to his family’s restaurant.

He thinks I have food poisoning too, because I just couldn’t tell him right away.

The coward part of me hoped Mark would come clean, but nope, that asshole kept quiet, waiting for me to do his dirty work.

Mark.

Shaking my head, I try to shove his name, his face, out of my mind.

He doesn’t understand the real-world problems that accident caused.

It was an accident, right? I can’t believe, no matter how much I try to hate him, that he did it on purpose.

It’s hard to come to terms with Mark doing any of this on purpose.

Now, after having time to think, I wish he’d just told me what happened.

I’m so pissed I can’t even think straight.

Either way, no matter if it was just an accident, for months afterwards, Sawyer’s mother had been paranoid, thinking the person who set fire to her restaurant would be back to burn her house, or worse, hurt her children.

Even though both Jane and Sawyer are adults, they’re her entire world, and she was sick with worry for them.

All for some asshole to do this without a single thought. “Hunter?”

Oh, whatever. Swinging the door open, I glare up at my roommate. “What?”

“Oh, shit. You look terrible.”

“Twinsies.”

“Fuck you.” Jamie scowls. “The fuck I do to you?”

“Exist.”

“Oh. Good one. Came real close a year ago, though.” He grins.

“That’s not funny.” I watch his red-rimmed eyes as they study me. “High?”

“As the sun. Seriously, what’s going on with you?”

Whatever. Going back inside my room, I pull on sweatpants. Fuck it. Maybe I can take another day off. Coach would understand, right? What’s one game? “Not in the mood right now. Go away.”

Jamie ignores me and sits on my bed. He’s wearing boxers and an oversized sweater, and the dragon tattoo on his leg pops, full of intricate detail. Maddox. That man was so fucking talented. I never see Jamie show his tattoos off anymore, so maybe this is a good day for him.

Although by how red his eyes are, I’m sure he doesn’t know what planet he’s on. “Stop looking at my ass. It’s not for you.” I shove down the urge to strangle him. “I made breakfast. I haven’t seen you eat much. Why don’t you shower and come eat,” he says.

“What drugs are you on?”

He shrugs, sprawling out on my bed. “Brianna hooked me up. Said I was a good boy.” He grins. Doubtful, but I know Brianna tries her best to take care of Jamie now that Luci isn’t here to do it. “Your sheets smell. Go shower and I’ll throw these in the wash . . . open a window.”

“I don’t want to shower.”

He sits up. “Yeah, that part is non-negotiable. You fucking stink. I can smell you from the living room. It’s wafting down the halls.”

“Fuck you.”

He shakes his head. “Not under these conditions, but check back after a shower. I am kind of horny, actually.” I gag.

Jamie is the closest thing I have to a brother, and no fucking thank you.

We kissed once when we were in high school, and that was more than enough for me.

“I am actually thinking of downloading an app or something. It’s been a bit. ”

Okay, so really high then. I’ll play along. “Guy or girl?”

“I don’t know. Never been with a guy, really.

Just kissing here and there. I do miss boobs, though.

Boobs are the best. I don’t know what it feels like to a suck a guy’s cock.

That sounds hot too. But I don’t know if cum would taste good.

Does it? Not saying I wouldn’t try it. I’ve never tasted my own.

Maybe I should before I do it. Oh! Maybe both.

Guy and a girl. At the same time. Both . . . both is good.”

Jesus Christ . “What did you do for Brianna?”

“She got me something strong for being a good boy and taking my medication all week, and I quote, ‘not giving Xavi a fucking migraine even once.’” He smiles.

“I also paid her double so she could buy this makeup palette Xavi said she’s been eyeing.

” I’m sure Jamie would have just bought it for her outright, but Bri doesn’t do handouts.

“Please shower, so I can get my sense of smell back.”

“I hate you. Really, I do.”

Out of the shower, I refuse to tell the asshole I live with I feel better. Fuck him very much. I’ve been dealing with his shit for months, yet I have one mental breakdown and it’s a problem.

“Here.” I look over at the eggs and home fries as Jamie grabs sriracha and drowns his bowl. Taking a fork, I look at what else is in here. Bacon and peppers . . . alright. My stomach growls. I’m hungrier than I thought. “What’s going on?”

Whatever. I’ll tell him if it gets him to stop asking me. “Mark and I broke up.”

Jamie chokes. “What?”

“Can you not.” Jamie punches his chest, coughing, then grabs his drink and takes a swig.

“Just didn’t see that coming is all. You said the screecher was here to stay. I’m shocked the plaster didn’t crack down the middle.”

Although it hurts to think about, I laugh. Yeah, Mark is loud, responsive, and so fucking sensitive. I love it.

Or at least, I did. No, as much as I don’t want to, I still do.

I love a lot of things about him. The way he turns so mouthy and needy in bed.

The sweet way he clings to me. How fucking ruthless he is while playing video games, and the nerdy way he explains the mechanics of them.

Not that I understand a word he says, but I love to watch how animated he gets talking about them.

Mark is sweet and shy, and I find it adorable.

He’s very insecure, but I love telling him all the things I love about him.

I love it all, but more than that, I hate how much I still love him.

“He used me. I thought he loved me, but no. He used me.”

“Used you for what?” He snorts.

I want him to stop talking, stop prodding, but haven’t I tried to do the same with him over the last year?

I ask about him because I know it feels better to confide in someone.

Shoving a spoonful of food into my mouth, it turns to cement.

My appetite is gone. “He was dared to date me. Or blackmailed into it, I don’t really know. ”

“How so?”

“Some shit with that ex of Jane’s.”

Jamie’s eyes turn dreamy. “Jane. One of these days man.”

“She would eat you up and spit out your bone-cleaned carcass.”

“And I’d enjoy every glorious second.”

Shaking my head, I finish eating. Jamie is too far gone to make any sense right now. I knew he had a huge crush on Jane, but then again, so do a lot of men . . . and women. “I have horrible judgment.” I finish eating. “With boyfriends and friends, it seems.”

“He was dared to date you? That’s it?”

“That’s it? That’s enough.”

Jamie sets his spoon down. “I mean, I get he did that, but I don’t think it ended up that way.”

“What?”

He sighs. “I don’t know. Don’t make me get gross on you.”

“Get gross, right fucking now! What are you talking about?”

Jamie shrugs. “Just the way he is when he’s here.

He looks at your annoying ass like you hung the moon or some shit.

I mean, he could be faking it I guess, but it’s hard to fake something like that when it’s real.

It’s hard to fake it when you think no one’s watching.

Maybe he’s a scared piece of shit, but I don’t think he has zero feelings. ”

“Whatever. You don’t know shit.” I take a sip of my juice. “Your turn. Tell me some shit about you right now. It’s only fair. I’ve shared enough today.” Whatever it is, I just want Jamie to start talking to someone.

Taking a deep breath, Jamie looks annoyed. He combs his shaggy black hair with his fingers. “What can I say? I’m responsible for the deaths of my best friend, my girlfriend, and my sister. What is there to say, Hunter?”

“That you’re not responsible.” Because he wasn’t. No matter how hard the trauma that’s gripped him all his life sinks its black claws into his brain. It was not his fault.

“This isn’t a hell I’d wish on anyone. The only time I feel okay is when I’m high.”

“You didn’t force them to get into that car.”

Jamie’s face hardens and I want to take it back.

I pushed. Fuck. “Tell me I’m not responsible again, and I’ll walk out of here and stop talking to you altogether.

” I let it go. Whatever. I’m too fucked up to have this conversation right now anyway.

“For what it’s worth, I think he loves you. He just did something really shitty.”

“If I can’t say shit to you, don’t say shit to me. You don’t understand the situation about as much as I don’t understand yours.” Jamie sighs, finishing up his food and leaning back in his chair.

“Fine.” He taps his spoon against the table. “I’m going to say one thing, but if you repeat it to anyone, I’ll deny it and dump your body in a river.”

“You don’t have the arm strength.”