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nine

Hunter

T hat kiss.

His hands.

The feel of his body.

“Incoming!” I blink out of my thoughts just in time to duck a puck sailing my way. “Jesus, Hunter! What the fuck!”

“Sorry.”

“Supposed to catch those with your glove, not your helmet,” Jake Benson laughs. “Who’s training who?”

For the last few hours, we’ve run plays. Or I should say, he’s run plays, and I’ve been in and out of thinking about Mark coming over to my house Saturday and the way his hard body and equally hard cock molded against me as I held him. “I think we’re done for the day.”

“Do I make the cut?” He grins like the cocky asshole he is. Jake’s a great player, a great goalie, and a decent dude. I knew we’d have very little issue switching players with Derrick gone, and I’m relieved Coach let him play instead.

“Unfortunately, we have no choice.” He frowns and I chastise myself. My head is a mess. “Kidding.” I smile. “You know you’re great.” Honestly, I’m not worried at all anyway. All our players train hard. Our first game is coming fast, and I’m ready to get in there.

I played football in high school, did track and baseball, but nothing feels like hockey. I want to play professionally but I’m realistic. “You did great today.” I tell Jake.

“Not as good as I could have, though.” That voice makes my blood run cold.

I turn around to find Derrick up in the stands, his shaggy auburn hair out of its usual tie. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

“You kicked me off the team, but you can’t ban me from the arena.”

Bullshit. “I can kick you in the fucking teeth if you’d like.”

“Assault.” He clutches his metaphorical pearls. “Hunter. That’s beneath you.”

“Not beneath you, though.”

All mock playfulness drains from his face. “Careful. Spreading rumors isn’t very nice.”

“Neither is taking advantage of girls, but here we are.”

“What are you talking about?” Jake whispers, looking at me.

“It’s nothing,” Derrick cuts in. “Hunter here just believes a random bitch over his teammate. Rumors, man, they’re a killer.

” Calm. Keep calm. He wants to bait me, and I know it.

If I get kicked off the team that will only hurt my teammates.

I have zero expectations on making it pro, even if I’ve worked my ass off for it, but these guys have dreams. They have a shot.

I’m a beast on the ice, but I refuse to hide my identity, and the world of sports has a long way to go to being tolerant.

Even though coach came out, and even if there are out players now, I know it would be an issue.

My other teammates are grinding for their opportunity, though, and I’m not going to let them down. We need a win this weekend. We’re playing a rival college. I have to be on my best behavior, and Coach has a zero-tolerance policy for violence of any kind off the ice.

Derrick makes it look so good, though.

“What is he talking about?” Jake whispers to me.

“Jane Liu. They dated last year, and he attempted to assault her,” I whisper back, not taking my eyes off Derrick up in the stands. “Over the summer she pressed charges against him, but of course they were dropped.”

“Oh, shit.” He looks uneasy. “You believe he did it?”

Why is it so hard to believe women? “Yes, I fucking believe it,” I snap.

“Whoa, sorry. Not what I mean. It’s just crazy to think about.”

I try to give him the benefit of the doubt, but it’s hard.

Being raised by and around mostly women, and then being in locker rooms .

. . it’s a shock to the senses. I do my best to combat toxic masculinity and being on this team is like a breath of fresh air.

Still, there are moments and offhand comments.

“That’s why Coach kicked him off.” I just want to go home now. Maybe Mark wants to hang out.

“Good fucking riddance. I’m surprised Sawyer left him breathing,” Jake says.

I smile, thinking about my best friend. “Oh, it came close a couple of weeks ago.”

“Shaw!” we hear Coach bark, and we all turn to him. “You have no place here!” Coach’s hard eyes bore into him, and Derrick glares at me a moment before turning away and walking out of the arena.

It feels like none of us breathe until he’s gone.

“Benson.” We turn to Coach. “Great job. Not one puck in that net, you hear me?”

“Yes, Coach.”

“Great job, you two.” He hesitates a minute. “If he steps a goddamn toenail into this arena, I want to know about it.”

“Of course.”

“You both go home for the day. Get some rest.”

“Thanks, Coach.”

Hot water pelts my face. I sit under the spray, soaking in the water and feeling the tension leave my body. This shit with Derrick is insane. He shouldn’t be allowed to breathe fresh air let alone taunt me. I’m pretty levelheaded, but there’s only so much I can take.

Shutting off the water, I wrap a towel around my waist and step out of the showers, freezing when I see Mark sitting on one of the locker-room benches. “You know, I always wondered whether it was the same as in the movies. Dicks everywhere.”

I laugh. “It’s not the buffet you think it is.”

“Oh I don’t know about that.” Mark’s eyes drop to my towel before taking a slow crawl up my body, and I’ve never felt more pride than I do right now with his eyes on me.

I take care of myself, I have to. I just enjoy working out, and I know if I don’t I’ll be sluggish.

I’ll let my team down. On a superficial level well. . . yeah, his eyes feel good.

“What are you doing?”

Mark smiles, getting off the bench and stepping up to me. “I wanted to see if you were still practicing. My last class just ended.”

That kiss comes to mind again. “You wanted to see me?”

Mark’s eyes flick to mine before he leans down and kisses me. I’m shocked by the contact until my brain gets on board and I moan into his mouth. His lips are soft, and unlike on Saturday, I’m not in control. Holding onto my towel, I feel my cock harden, and I shift away from him.

Kissing me one last time, Mark breaks away with a grin. “Holy shit,” he breathes.

Holy shit is right . I’ve never felt a kiss like that.

I chuckle. “How’s that for a control?”

“I don’t know.” He thinks. “It’s too close to call. You’re naked, though, so that’s like a huge point.”

“What if I was naked while kissing in the rain?”

Mark groans, sitting down on the bench and grabbing his dick. “Don’t do that. I’m about to meet up with Noah.”

My mood sours instantly, which is insane.

Yes, insane. I am insane. I have no right to be jealous.

Mark has friends. Still, him meeting up with Noah makes me feel weird.

I guess I’ve never really understood the friends-with-benefits thing.

How can you just switch off that fast? Maybe I don’t get it because I never really understood hooking up randomly.

Not that I care or judge anyone else—your body, your business.

For me, though, I can never turn off that emotional switch.

Sex is very personal for me, but I have to remember not everyone feels that way and to take Mark at his word. “Oh yeah?”

“He wants to grab something to eat then we’re going to watch a movie. I just wanted to see you first.”

We haven’t even defined what this thing is between us, and I’ve never been the type of guy to tell my partner who they can hang out with. It just makes me uneasy. I’m jealous and it’s pathetic. “You alright?”

“Oh, yeah.” I smile . . . or try to. “Going to see my best friend in a bit anyhow.”

“Okay.” Mark smiles, looking back at me and the towel, and while I would love to strip down now with him right here, I kind of want to be alone. Fuck, why am I feeling like this? “Can I text you tonight?” he asks.

“Ah, depends on the time. I might be asleep.” My brain feels fuzzy. I just need to be alone right now and make sense of everything that’s happened today.

“Oh, okay.” Mark tries to smile the tension out of the room. “I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“I’m going to be pretty busy with practice and school.”

That makes him frown. “Oh, okay. No problem. I get it.” He stands awkwardly, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Call me when you can, okay? See ya.”

Fuck, I have to stop acting like a jealous dick.

“Hey.” He pauses, turning to me. I walk up to him and cup his jaw, kissing him hard.

His tongue seeks asylum inside my mouth, and I groan from his taste .

. . the warmth of his body . . . the fluttery feeling I have in my stomach.

I love kissing, and Mark’s lips feel so damn right on mine.

“I’ll call you sometime tomorrow, okay?” I say against his lips as I pull back. “Are you still coming to my game?”

“Yeah. I know nothing about hockey, though.”

“That’s okay. You can sit with my friend. He’ll explain everything.” Not that I care. I just want him in the stands. “You want to go out to eat before? You can bring Noah of course.” Maybe then Sawyer can help me figure this out. He’ll tell me if I’m being a jealous idiot, I know it.

“Yeah, that um, sounds great. Where should we meet you?”

“Student Lot A. We can meet around like four. I have to be back by six to warm up.” Maybe hanging out with Noah will ease some of this weird tension inside me. I’ve been cheated on before, but that isn’t Mark’s fault, though. I need to learn to trust him. “I can’t wait.”

“I’m there.” Mark beams. He kisses me one last time. “Have a good night. Get some sleep, okay?”

I watch him disappear from the locker room, then I get my shit together, grabbing my phone to text Sawyer.

Hunter:

Can you still give me a ride home?

Sawyer:

Yeah, I’m waiting, what’s taking so long?

Relief hits me. I can pay for a taxi, but I’d rather force gas money on Sawyer that he’ll refuse to take but I’ll end up stuffing somewhere anyway.

Hunter:

Be right out.

Slinging my bag over my shoulder, I walk through the parking lot, feeling weird. It feels like someone’s watching me, but it’s quiet and I’m just on edge after everything with Derrick and then Mark. I see Sawyer in his mother’s red Honda and get inside. “What took you so long?” he says.

I could mention Mark, but instead I say, “Derrick showed up at practice. Caused this whole thing. Sorry.”

Sawyer’s answering glare is all I need to keep my mind off Mark and Noah. “Asshole.” Agreed. I reach into my pocket grabbing a ten-dollar bill. “Stuff it up your ass.”

“Oh, kinky. Do you have lube? You know I don’t bottom, but for you I might.” I wink, then wince when he punches my arm.

“I don’t want your money, or your ass. You know this.”

I do, but I don’t care. Subtly, I tuck it into the door handle on my side. He can bitch at me later. “You’re coming to the first game, right? Derrick won’t be there. He’s not allowed near the arena.”

“Of course.”

Mark is friends with Noah, and I’ve never been the kind of boyfriend who felt possessive or even jealous.

I’m not sure why this is affecting me so badly.

I mean, I did see Noah after he’d literally just slept with Mark, so jealously is definitely on the table.

Mark insists they’re only friends now, though, so maybe I’m just too close to it to make any sense.

“You’re quiet?” Sawyer comments.

“Sorry.”

“No. No, it’s nice. I wasn’t complaining.” I shove his shoulder. “What’s up?”

“Can I ask a favor?”

“You sidelined Derrick’s NHL career, you can ask anything.”

“You know I’m seeing that guy.”

“Yeah.”

“I think it’s getting a little serious.”

“Okay . . .”

“He has this friend . . . they used to sleep together.” I think about how to put this.

“He insists they aren’t together like that anymore.

They were friends with benefits for a bit.

Can you just kind of gauge their vibe for me?

” My knee starts to bounce, and I don’t like this.

I’ve never been this person. I’m not normally jealous. “Can we go out to eat before?”

“Okay.” He seems hesitant. “Although if you’re that worried maybe this isn’t a good idea. After what happened with your ex.”

“I know, but . . .” I can’t help but smile. “I really like him.” Everything just feels so different with Mark. I’ve had a few relationships since high school, but nothing compares to the feelings Mark gives me. We just click.

“I suppose I can feel it out for you.”

“Thanks.” I see our driveway. Rubbing my chest, I hate the anxiety that hits me when I go home now.

It never used to be like this. I’ve shared a bedroom with Jamie since I was sixteen.

He’s one of the closest people to me, too close to be called just a friend.

He’s my family. He’s my brother in every way that counts.

“It’s still bad?”

I sigh, nodding. “It’s like some days it’s okay, but one thing will happen and we’ll be back at square one.

” At least I’m not enemy number one. At least he talks to me normally most of the time.

The outbursts are hard to watch, but it’s nothing like hearing Jamie cry at night.

It makes my gut twist just thinking about it.

Seeing the self-loathing in Jamie’s dark eyes is painful.

“He getting any better?”

I swallow the emotion in my throat. “One time, when we were in high school, Jamie and I snuck out of the house. We found someone to buy us vodka and we played beer pong with street-closure signs and a piece of plywood we found down this abandoned one-way street. It was so much fun, we just laughed and played and talked about all the bullshit we’d been through and the things we wanted for the future.

It was one of the best nights of my life actually.

” I feel my throat tighten and I blink rapidly.

Heat hugs my eyes. “Sometimes, when I look at him, I realize that although his body survived, Jamie died that night too. The person he is right now is unrecognizable. I can’t picture him ever being happy again, ever being that carefree. That hurts more than I can stand.”

He pats my leg, giving it a squeeze, then puts the car in park. I see Xavi’s car in the driveway, and I wonder if he feels the same. He’s much better at hiding his pain than Jamie is, but Xavi always hides his true feelings, afraid to inconvenience anyone.

“Thanks for the ride.”

“If I find that ten dollars in my car after you leave, I’m going to make you eat it.” I laugh, taking the ten dollars and balling it into my fist.

“Night, man.” I get out of the car and walk round to his side, knocking on the window. He rolls it down. “Love you.” I chuck it inside the window, laughing and walking to the house as he curses.

“Asshole.”

I laugh, feeling better for the first time all day.