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Chapter Forty-Six

Tobias

One month later…

My back slams against the wall, firm hands on my chest, holding me in place. The room spins and all I can do is laugh.

“Go ahead, honey. Get on your knees for him.”

Charlie’s voice is muffled, and I don’t know why because I can’t see him.

I think maybe he’s talking about me, but that can’t be right.

He knows I don’t do this when we’re together.

Partying hard is a given, but I don’t fuck anyone.

The girls are for him. But then someone is unbuttoning my pants, and soft fingers are sliding across my waist. I swipe them away, fumbling with my pants.

“No,” I mumble. “No sex.”

“Change your mind already?” Charlie asks, laughing. The hands fall away from my chest. “It’s okay, honey. Come suck my dick. I promise I won’t tell you to stop. ”

There are some footsteps. Giggling. Banging, though I have no idea from what. Everything around me is still dark. My eyes won’t open and everything is spinning. I’m so fucking drunk.

I slide down the wall, landing on my ass with a thud and a sharp pain shoots up my spine. After a few deep breaths, I finally get my eyes open. Everything is blurry and upside down, or maybe not. I don’t know. There are colors and blurs and spinning things and…

Moans fill the room, feminine and masculine, along with wet slaps.

I allow my body to fall over, lying down against the wall, and I curl up. I jerk awake a few times, feeling like I’m falling or like I’m going to puke, but eventually everything goes black again, where it’s peaceful, quiet, and nothing hurts. There is no sadness, no loneliness, no regret.

“Hey, buddy. Tobias.” I blink my eyes open, groaning when the light stings. I hiss in a breath, rubbing my eyes. When I open them again, Charlie’s face is right there in front of mine. “You good?” he asks.

I’ve never seen him look concerned before, so I must be really fucked up.

“Feel like shit,” I mutter, pushing myself up to sit. My mouth is dry and tastes like stale whiskey. My stomach is rolling and my head fucking pounds.

“Here.” He hands me a bottle of water, and I crack it open to guzzle half. “You got work today, right?” he asks .

“What day is it?” I ask, after realizing I have no fucking clue. I don’t even know where I am.

“Wednesday.”

I make an annoyed sound. “Since when do you hire me on Tuesday nights?” I say.

Charlie huffs out a laugh, shaking his head. “Man, maybe you should take more time off work.” He offers me his hand and helps me to my feet, holding me still when I sway. I meet his grey eyes, which no longer hold concern but instead humor. “You’ve been with me since last Friday.”

“What the fuck?”

“Don’t worry, you called out of work and shit. Everything is good.”

Everything is good? I don’t remember a goddamn thing. That’s not good. That’s fucking awful. I don’t think I’ve gotten this fucked up since college.

“What the hell did you give me?”

“Nothing you didn’t want.” He smirks and leaves it at that.

Maybe it’s better I don’t know.

I can’t even get mad at the guy. He likes to party, and I’ve done this with him for years.

Nothing ever this hardcore, but I guess that’s what happens when you’re trying not to think about something…

or rather, someone. Everything hurts, and the only time I don’t think about Theo is when I’m blackout drunk.

It’s ridiculous, honestly. He’s just a guy.

Why the hell can’t I stop thinking about him ?

“I didn’t like… fuck anyone, did I?” I scratch the back of my neck, waiting for his response.

“Nah,” he finally answers. “You stuck to your guns when it came to that. Surprised as hell. You’re fucking stubborn.”

Thank God. I rest my head back, drinking some more water.

“You should take a vacation,” he adds, going to the fridge to get another bottle of water.

“Why would I do that?”

Charlie puts his hand on my shoulder, looking me in the eye. “I’ve known you a long time, Tobias, and I love partying with you. It’s always a good time, but… you’re not right, man. Whoever this Theo is, you’ve got it bad for him. Maybe it’s time you try to settle down.”

I did that. At least, I was going to, but then I found out he was lying to me, and I changed my mind.

“Thanks for the advice, but—”

“You told me everything,” he says, handing me the water.

“Huh?”

“All about Theo. The lying, the cheating, and how you love him.”

“I said that?”

He urges the water at me and I take it, while he takes the empty one from me.

Charlie chokes out a laugh, but it sounds almost sad. “Yeah, you did. Sunday night, I thought you were going to start crying. You being all sad had me worried. I had to tell the girls to go.”

“I don’t even remember that. Fuck, I’m sorry.”

“Hey, it’s cool. I was able to catch up on sleep. They came back the next day.” He smirks, and I guess I don’t feel so bad.

“I don’t know how you live like this.”

He shrugs. “Some people were just made for it. But you? I think it’s time you try something different. Have you talked to him?”

“No,” I say firmly, twisting the cap off the new water.

“Maybe you should. Even if it’s not to get back together, but to clear the air. I don’t know. Relationships aren’t my thing, but I hear talking is important.”

I nod, taking a deep breath. Looking down at myself, I see I’m fully clothed which is good.

Nothing is stained or ripped or thrown up on.

Charlie goes over and hops on the bed, grabbing the remote for the TV.

It’s empty other than him, so whoever was here left.

Walked by me crumpled on the ground like a scared child. Pathetic.

“I’ll leave you alone for a while. Let you figure your shit out,” he says.

“Thanks,” I mutter, grabbing my jacket from the back of the chair at the small dining table. I head for the door.

“Don’t forget your tip!” he calls out. I look at him over my shoulder, raising a brow. “Freezer,” he says.

I roll my eyes as I go to it, pulling out a brown paper bag. “Seriously? This looks like drug money. ”

“Don’t ask; don’t tell,” he says with a shrug.

“Jesus,” I mutter, pulling the room door open.

“Talk to you in a few months!” he calls as the door closes.

When I’m in the elevator, I check the time.

If I hurry up, I could get to work on time, but I’m not sure I’m able to move that quickly today.

I order a car and call the rehab while I’m waiting, letting them know I may be a few minutes late.

After showering quickly and changing into my scrubs, I order a car and count my tip.

I can’t be sure if this is a legit tip or money because he feels bad.

Fifteen thousand is an absurd tip, but I’m not too proud to accept it.

I shove it into my closet because I’ll have to take a trip to the bank to deposit this much money, and I don't have time for that today.

The car shows, and I head to work. I grab a coffee and a breakfast sandwich from the café before heading up, surprised I'm still on my feet.

“Good mo—” Max pauses, raising a brow when he sees me.

“Morning?” I finish, going around the counter.

“If you’re still sick, you can go home,” he says.

“I’m fine.” I grab a tablet and open the app to punch in.

“You don’t look fine.”

“Thanks,” I say, holding his gaze. “That’s very kind of you.”

Max shakes his head and goes back to whatever he was doing on the computer.

I feel like shit, but I should be able to get through the day.

I checked my schedule for Foxy’s, and I don’t have a date tonight, so at least I can go home and just sleep.

The morning goes by slowly, but I don’t throw up on anyone, so that’s something, and I'm too focused on feeling like shit to be sad about Theo. Another win, I guess.

My phone rings while I'm on my lunch break. I get worried when I see it’s Foxy calling. Not sure what she could want, but hopefully I didn’t fuck up with Charlie and get myself fired.

“Hello?” I answer.

“Hey, Tobias? It’s Foxy.”

“Yeah, it’s me. What’s up?”

“I wanted to check in and make sure you’re still alive.” There’s some attitude in her voice, but that’s just how she talks most of the time. It’s hard to tell if she’s being rude or just herself sometimes.

“Uh, yeah?” I say. “I’m alive.”

“You haven’t had a schedule up for over a week, and I don’t see anything for the near future either. Something going on?”

What? I don’t have a schedule up? That has to be a mistake.

“I’m sorry, my schedule isn’t up?”

“No,” she says, sounding more annoyed.

“I guess I didn’t push it through or something. I’m glad you told me.”

“Just get it fixed. Shoot me a text when it’s up, so I can approve it.”

“Sure, no problem. Thanks, and sorry again.”

I stare down at my phone when the call is done. How the hell did that happen? I lean back in my chair, my gaze still on my phone, and my food untouched. I didn’t eat the breakfast sandwich earlier and planned on eating it for lunch, but now I’m not hungry all over again.

How much time has passed with me in this fog?

I’m not remembering things, and that’s scary.

Have I kept myself that drunk? Running a hand through my hair, I shake my head.

It’s a good thing Charlie said he’d give me a break, because I think I need one.

It’s been over a month since I last saw or heard from Theo—ever since I walked out the front door of his house.

He called a ton of times right after I left, then it was crickets.

The silence told me more than I needed to know.

He chose to stay with Marianne.

It hurts enough that I don’t want to deal with it, and so I’m fucking up my life. I knew he would break me more than Brandon ever did because I didn’t love Brandon the way I love Theo.

I’m in love with him. Well, was . Now, I don’t know what I’m feeling. Other than sick and miserable and pathetic.