Page 21

Chapter Twenty-One

Theodore

I’m drunker than I should be, because I've been pounding drinks since I got to the bar. When Tobias gets up to go to the bathroom, I follow him in. There is no one else here, so I grab his arm and shove him against the wall.

“What are you—”

I cut off his words by slamming my mouth to his, unable to stop myself.

I can’t take this anymore. I need his mouth on mine.

I’ve thought about it ever since he kissed me that first time, and I was sure kissing him couldn't be that great all the time.

With his hands on my chest, he gently pushes me away.

“We can’t do this,” he breathes out.

The disappointment over not getting another kiss threatens to turn to shame, but I hold onto the confidence I've gotten from the alcohol.

“Why not?” I ask, my eyes on his lips, dick aching. “I want to.”

“Because… ”

“Because what?”

“You’re engaged,” he says harshly, side-stepping to get out of my space.

The rejection hurts, but I don't stop fighting. “I’m calling that off.”

“This still doesn’t make it right,” he argues, spearing his fingers through his hair.

I step closer to him, pressing my hips to his so he can feel how hard I am.

I have no idea why I’ve become so brave.

I guess that’s what happens when I drink tequila.

Usually I'm a whiskey guy, but Nathaniel kept handing me shots and I didn't say no. Reminder to avoid tequila because I’m going to wake up tomorrow feeling like an idiot over this. Don’t care now though.

I’m going for what I want, and what I want is Tobias.

“I need you to touch me,” I say, sliding my hands up his chest. “I need to taste you. I need to know what your dick feels like in my mouth.”

“Fuck,” he hisses, gaze going up to the ceiling. "Theo—"

“Tobias, I want this. I know some part of you wants it too. At least, you don’t hate the thought of it. I can tell by the way you look at me.”

I hope that’s the truth, or I’m never going to be able to talk to him again. I lean in to kiss his neck when he doesn't answer, trailing my tongue up his throbbing pulse to nip at his jaw. He groans, breath stuttering .

“Let me suck your dick,” I plead, pulling back to meet his heated gaze.

“You don’t even know how.”

“Teach me.”

His eyes fall closed, his jaw closed tight. “Not here.”

I raise a brow. “Where?”

“My place.”

“You’re just saying that to get me to stop.” Something passes in his eyes that tells me he hadn’t thought of that, but maybe it’s a good idea.

“We shouldn’t do this,” he says again, but I see him adjusting himself in his pants.

He does want this.

“I want to," I say again.

“It’s not right, Theo. It’s cheating.”

“Marianne will understand.”

Will she though? I’m not so sure. Maybe.

I plan to tell her after the holidays. That’s my goal.

Maybe I should wait to push Tobias into this until then, but I’m going crazy thinking about him.

When I dream, it’s him I see fucking me.

It’s his dick in my mouth. I wake up hard, sometimes covered in my own cum because the dreams are too real, and I can’t hold back. I need that for real.

Maybe taking this final step and being with him, with a man, will give me the courage I need to tell my family.

It’ll make this whole thing easier once I see how perfect it all really is.

I have an idea in my head of how it’ll be, but maybe I’m grasping at straws.

Maybe I’m hoping it’ll be that good because my life is boring and vanilla.

If this isn’t worth it, then what’s the point in destroying my family and Marianne? I need to try it first…

“You need to break up with her,” he says adamantly.

“I will.”

“When?”

“Right now.” I dig into my pocket for my phone, but Tobias stops me. It’s a good thing because I may have actually done it, and that would be the biggest disaster. Or maybe it would have been a blessing. I'll never know.

“You can’t do that to her. She deserves a conversation not a text.”

This is the sort of thing that has me crazy about this man. He is a good person. He’s standing there, hard as a rock, with me begging to suck his dick. He wants me to; I can see it in his eyes. Yet he won’t let me because of her. He respects her, me, himself… Tobias is a good man. Better than me.

My dick is tired of waiting and it’s making me crazy.

Tobias grabs my jaw, lifting my face so we're eye to eye.

“What happened to us just being friends?” he asks softly, but it’s almost like he’s asking himself.

This came out of nowhere. But it’s been building for so long… at least on my end. I know I've felt it from him too. I know it.

“I can’t stand just being friends with you. You’re…” I sigh. “I need more.”

“I don’ t do relationships, Theo. We talked about this.”

“I’m not trying to marry you, Tobias. I just want to fuck a little.”

He grins, huffing out a laugh. “As long as you know what the expectations are. No falling in love with me.”

Impossible.

“I won’t.” And to make sure he really believes me, I add, “The last thing I need after a two-year engagement is another relationship.”

“Okay. We can discuss this… friends with benefits situation, after you break it off with your fiancée.”

I groan, but nod in approval. With his hand against my chest, he carefully pushes me back and looks down at the tent in my jeans.

“I can’t go out there like this,” I say.

He chuckles. “If you want to take care of that in that back stall over there, I won’t tell anyone.” Grinning, he slips out the door and I stand there for a long moment, willing my dick to get soft.

It doesn’t.

So, like the pathetic, drunk man that I am, I lock myself in the stall in the back, that’s darker than all the others because the light doesn’t reach it, spit into my palm, and jerk off until I’m coming into the toilet. It takes seconds, thanks to images in my head of Tobias watching.

When I’m finished, I wash my hands, check myself in the mirror, then head back out to where everyone is at the table. Tobias gives me a knowing look when I sit down beside him. He leans in to whisper in my ear.

“The sooner you break it off with Marianne, the sooner I can help you with that next time.”

I bite my tongue, my dick stirring my pants. Fuck this thing, already. I’m tired of it being so active all the time.

“I need more tequila,” I mutter.

I get up and go to the bar to order another drink, hoping like hell I’ll drink so much my dick won’t work. Doubtful, but it’s worth a shot.

When I wake up the next day, my head is pounding, and it takes a few minutes for all the memories of the night to assault me. I’m more embarrassed than hungover, which is saying a lot because I feel like shit.

The clock tells me it’s nearly three in the afternoon. My head is spinning but I need to get up and have some water and food. I grab my phone to get a pizza delivered. The grease will help my hangover; it always does. I see a text from Tobias, so I open that first.

Let me know as soon as you tell her.

I smile as I realize he’s been thinking about me. He wants this too. That’s exactly what those words tell me. He’s thinking about me, thinking about us being together. Tobias wants to fuck me, and that is the best thing I’ve heard in a long time.

Friends with benefits won’t be so bad. Tobias is the first guy I’ve had a crush on, so maybe this is all about the sex.

Maybe having sex with him will get it out of my system and I’ll still want to marry Marianne.

It’s a thought I’d had from the beginning, and a common fear from a lot of people, I'm sure. The idea of settling down with one person for the rest of your life is terrifying, which is why a lot of people cheat beforehand. Like a last hurrah. And not it’s a good thing to do, I’m just saying I understand it.

I won’t know what this thing with Tobias is about until I try, but if I break it off with Marianne first, she may not forgive me.

I stare at his text, trying to figure out what to do.

A little white lie never hurt anyone, right?

If I tell him I broke it off with her, she’ll never know and he’ll never know. I can be selfish for once in my life, right? Everyone keeps telling me to put my happiness before everyone else’s. So maybe…

Tobias will only know what I tell him. If it turns out that this is about more than sex with Tobias, I’ll break it off with Marianne then.

But if this is just my body wanting to experience something new, I can’t risk my future for that.

I can sleep with Tobias, see how I feel, and go from there.

Lying isn’t great, but ruining my future over my dick wanting dick isn’t great either.

I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place and just trying to figure out my best plan of action.

Tobias seems to be really against cheating, and I understand that, but it should only take one time with him to know how I feel. One time. That’s it. After that, I’ll either break it off with him or break it off with Marianne. I just need an answer.

It’s dangerous, since I am not a liar, but it won’t last forever. I just need to sleep with Tobias once to know how I feel about it. To know if it’s right for me or if I’m just an idiot who has cold feet over getting married. I need to be sure before making such a big decision.

She’s coming over for dinner tonight. I’m talking to her then.

Text me when she leaves.

His eagerness to not waste time has me hard. He really does want this.

I close out of my messages and open the app to order pizza.

It’ll be here in forty-five minutes, which gives me enough time to take a shower, change, and guzzle as much water as I can.

I smile to myself as I eat my pizza, going over the plan in my head.

It’s foolproof. Nothing could possibly go wrong.