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Chapter Twenty-Five

Theodore

Every time I pick up my phone to call Marianne, I break out into a sweat.

Last night with Tobias was fun, hot, amazing, and a ton of other positive adjectives, but do I really want to ruin my life for a friends-with-benefits situation?

I mean, that doesn’t seem right. It’s not really worth it.

Destroying everything for a little bit of sex?

But it’s wrong of me to sleep with both of them.

That’s not the kind of man I am. I never have been, and I never will be that person. So, what is the solution here?

Tobias and I barely scratched the surface last night, and I can confidently say it was the best sexual experience I’ve ever had. Obviously, my body wants a man’s body. My attraction toward him is more than anything I’ve ever felt before. I can’t stop thinking about him and his dick.

I stare at my phone. Before I can change my mind, I snatch it up and dial Marianne .

“Hey, honey,” she says cheerily. “If you’re calling to go out for lunch, I can’t. I’m with Betty for the day and we’re shopping for the baby.”

“That sounds fun,” I say, forcing a smile so she can hear it in my voice. “Will you be able to come by later?”

“It may be late.”

“That’s okay.”

She giggles, then says, “I’ll be there.”

We end the call, and I toss my phone onto the couch. Hopefully, I don’t chicken out when she gets here.

Picking my phone back up, I text Asher to see what he’s up to. I stare at my phone for a long time, and finally get annoyed with him not answering me. I could call, but if he doesn’t answer a text, he’s busy, and I don’t want to know with what—or who.

I pull up the thread with Tobias and text him next.

I had a lot of fun with him last night. Not only the sex but hanging out.

Watching movies, drinking, and eating pizza like friends but…

more. Like how a relationship should be.

I’m certain if Tobias was willing to date for real, I’d be more comfortable breaking things off with Marianne.

I’d be okay jumping in and taking a risk for Tobias.

I like how he makes me feel. I like who I am when I’m around him.

I like that I feel shy but yet somehow brave and can say what I want without him judging me.

He’s accepting, he’s fun, and mature and everything I want in a partner .

It’s not that Marianne isn’t those things, she’s just…

Marianne. Smart and dainty and fragile and a woman.

I wish sexuality didn’t have to be so confusing.

Why can’t I just like who I like without having to worry about slapping a label on it?

For me, that’s fine. But for society? I huff out an annoyed sound.

But Marianne and Tobias aren’t the big issues here.

If it were only them, this would be easier.

My concern is my family and how they’re going to react. There is so much on the line…

When Tobias doesn’t answer me back, I assume he’s on a date. I wonder if he’s okay though. After the situation with the car, he seemed fine, but while we were in the garage, you could have thought I’d shared the news of his father passing.

Had I known the car would have been a trigger, I never would have taken him in there to see it.

Yes, it’s my pride and joy, but where is the joy when it’s causing someone pain?

At the end of the day, it’s just a car. As much as I like to show it off, I’ll have it moved if Tobias needs me to.

Besides, it’s not like I can drive it. I love cars, but I don’t know a damn thing about them.

Nothing other than how they look on the outside and the way their engines sound.

It doesn’t run, and I haven’t had the energy to find someone to look at it.

It’s not like I can bring it to any old mechanic shop and ask them to check it out. This baby needs a specialist.

Glancing around my house, I try to decide what I’m going to do for the day. It’s too quiet in here. I wish I had a dog to go on a walk with, play fetch with, and just hang out with. Maybe I should get a dog… How does Marianne feel about dogs? How does Tobias feel about dogs?

Why does it matter?

I grab my phone and look up rescues. There are plenty in the area, so I pick one at random and put the address into my GPS. After getting dressed and grabbing a granola bar for the road, I hop into my car and drive across town.

Two hours later, I’m pulling into the lot of a pet store to get Biscuit everything she needs. When I first heard her name, I wanted to change it, but she’s already two and knows the name well. What’s the point in changing it? Besides, it’s kind of cute and it suits her dopey little face.

She’s a German Shepherd/Lab mix. She has the shepherd colors, but her face has that silly lab look.

Her ears are floppy, and she’s so sweet.

The rescue had her for only a few days. She was surrendered by a family who gave her up because they were getting divorced and neither parent wanted to deal with the dog since it was a gift for their child.

Don’t even get me started on how I feel about that.

I felt a connection with Biscuit from the moment I saw her, but after hearing her story, well, I love her that much more.

“You ready to go inside, girl?” I ask. Her tail wags and she stares out the window, looking like she’d jump out if it were open .

I unclip her from the seatbelt. I don’t have a proper car belt for her, so I just wrapped the leash around it. I’ll get everything I need for her while we’re here. I want her taken care of in the best way possible, at all times. She’s my precious girl now.

We head inside, and she gets busy sniffing everything. I laugh as she pulls on the leash because she sees some toys. She snuffles through them, pulling out a stuffed pig that now belongs to her, I guess.

“All right,” I say. “But we need to get necessities, too.”

Heading back toward the door, I get us a cart and smile at the worker who is watching us happily.

We take our time, and I get everything on the list the rescue suggested—and more.

When we get to the counter, I put everything on it for the cashier to scan, and Biscuit jumps up, looking at the girl expectantly.

“You want a cookie, cutie pie?” she coos to Biscuit, then asks me, “Is that okay?”

“Fine by me.” I pat Biscuit’s head. She takes the treat happily, dropping back onto the floor so she can eat it. After that, she allows me to pay without tugging me in another direction. After getting everything into the car and her into the back seat, I hook up her new harness and belt.

“You excited to see your new home, girl?” I ask, patting her on the head. She barks in response.

She lies down with her head on her paws as I go around the car to get in. Moments later, she’s sleeping. I never thought I’d be a dog guy. Then again, I never thought I’d be a guy who likes guys. Seems my life is taking a complete one-eighty.

Once we’re home, I show Biscuit around and get her settled before setting everything up.

I put a dog bed in my room and another in the living room.

Her food and water dish go in the kitchen.

The basket with all her toys go by the door.

She checks the place out for a while, before settling beside me on the couch and resting her head on my lap.

We stay like that until Marianne is walking through the door.

We both lift our heads to meet Marianne’s shocked stare. Her smile is slow, unsure.

“What is that?” she asks.

Biscuit jumps off the couch and goes to her slowly, sniffing her legs.

“This is my dog, Biscuit,” I say with a smile, getting up and going to Marianne to kiss her on the cheek.

She bends down to pet Biscuit, holding her face between her hands. “Biscuit is beautiful.” Marianne straightens, looking at me questioningly. “Is this why I needed to come over?”

“No,” I say with a chuckle. “I asked you to come over before I got her.”

We head to the couch. Marianne sits right beside me, resting her cheek on my shoulder. “I feel like I haven’t seen you forever.”

“It’s been hectic.”

“It’s only going to get crazier with Christmas, New Years, the baby, and the wedding,” she adds .

It makes my stomach sour.

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”

She lifts her head, raising a brow at me. “Which part?”

“We’ve been doing whatever we want, sneaking around and stuff, but I think we should stop that.”

There, I said it. Simple enough.

She huffs out a laugh. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah. I’ve been thinking about it, and I feel kind of bad disrespecting our parents like this.”

“Since when do you care what they think?” she asks with narrowed eyes.

“I don’t know,” I answer honestly. The truth is, I always have, I guess, and I don’t know what has made her think I don’t. Maybe going along with it made her assume I didn’t?

“Are you like… breaking up with me?”

Yes. Yes, I am.

Here’s my opportunity to answer her. To tell her the truth about everything.

“No,” I blurt out too quickly. My heart picks up and I hate myself for answering that way.

I should have said yes. I should tell her the truth, that I’m attracted to men and though I love her, I don’t think I’ll ever truly be happy with her.

But… I can’t hurt her like that. Not when she’s looking at me the way she is.

“The wedding is still very much on, I just think we need to cool things down a little, that’s all. ”

“Okay, as long as you’re sure…”

“I am,” I say adamantly.

Idiot. Take the open!

But I don’t. She smiles, leaning against me again, and the conversation is over.